Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Wait A Minute

Entertainment

From Z-man, talking about conspiracy theorists:

“People don’t like simple answers.  If they did, Hollywood thrillers would feature no plot, just stuff exploding in between sex scenes.”

Actually, that’s about as succinct a description of modern Hollywood thrillers as I’ve ever read.  Unless of course Tom Cruise, Michael Bay or Marvel Comics are involved, in which case there’s no sex at all, just a series of witty one-liners between (and often during) the explosions.  And Tom Clancy must be turbo-spinning in his grave after what Hollywood has done to Jack Ryan.

I’d talk more on the topic, but I’m busy re-reading historian Paul Johnson’s Modern Times, and that takes concentration.

Worldly Goods

Funny Stuff

Not many people can tell a story like Taki, and this excerpt, about him signing his will at a lawyer’s office in Switzerland, is one of his gems:

An eerie business is the one about death and making a will.  One becomes a judge and jury of one’s friends, dispassionate and coldly rational, “reward and revenge standing at his elbow ready to nudge his pen.”
Not in my case. I’ve already made a will long ago and turned everything over to the mother of my children.  Let her deal with it, I simply cannot face it.
When I signed the will in front of a lawyer and notary public, the lawyer asked time and again if I was in my right mind.  (It’s a Swiss requirement.)  “Not really,” I answered, “but she’s got a gun pointed at me under the table.”
The Swiss did not find it funny and demanded I get serious.
“I’m seriously out of my mind,” I repeated, “but I don’t wish to be shot in cold blood.”
They threatened to walk out, so I gave in and signed after categorically stating that I was turning all my assets over of my free will.
I could almost hear them thinking what an idiot I must be.  The Swiss do not believe in letting easily go the root of all envy.

It should be remembered that the old Greek fart is himself heir to a considerable fortune derived from his family’s shipping business — no wonder the Swiss thought he was crazy, leaving it all to one person.

Alternative Site

Crime, Funny Stuff

At long last, Britishland is building a new (and large) prison somewhere in Yorkshire.  Predictably, all the NIMBYs are screaming and shouting because “eyesore”, “ugly” and so on.

This is the kind of thing that drives me mad.  On the one hand, it’s obvious to even the most stupid people (e.g.  liberals) that Britain needs MOAR PRISONS because MOAR CRIMINALS.  However, why build the thing in Yorkshire (which is quite pretty, in parts)?  With about ten minutes’ search, I found a far better location:  the (uninhabited) island of North Rona.  Here’s where it is on the map:

…and here’s what it looks like:

Yup:  over 200 acres of fuck-all, what better place to house criminals?  Remote, cold, windy… hell, on second thoughts why build a prison at all?  Tents, that’s the thing.  Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio and a dozen Mexicans would have them up in a few hours, job done, ship a couple thousand convicted criminals in (I’m thinking bastards like this one) and wave good-bye.  Don’t even need prison guards, so ongoing savings.

You can be damn sure that the mortality rate would allow for fresh shipments of assholes on a monthly basis, when the food supplies* are brought in.

And when the liberals start their predictable squealing about Krool & Hartless Treatment Of Misunderstood Yoofs… we substitute them for the criminals.

All in favor, say “Aye”…

*Bread, water, dog food, you get my drift.