Here’s a headline that got me thinking:

The state of Michigan is reportedly pushing a program offering citizens $500 a month to take in migrants.

The program, called the Newcomer Rental Subsidy, is set to provide shelter outside state shelters for “refugees.” The assistance would be available to homeowners for up to a year.

Were I not living in a tiny apartment in Texas but in a large-ish suburban house in Michigan, I might be tempted to take the Idiot State up on its offer.

I know, I know;  but run with me on this one.

Of course, there would be (several non-negotiable) pre-conditions for my acceptance, such as:

  • Only single females aged between 25-40
  • Unmarried / not engaged / no boyfriend
  • No children
  • Close resemblance to Salma Hayek
  • Must be prepared to teach me Spanish, starting with conversational topics such as “Please undress me now”, and phrases of that nature
  • Must know how to cook meals not just Mexican. e.g. steak, eggs and chips, toasties etc.
  • Must accept “cash tips” for services rendered around the house, e.g. laundry, ironing, massages and other personal services

…I think you’re getting the picture.

Otherwise, of course, the state could stick it up its ass.

Cancerous Society

My French is slipping… what’s their word for “expulsion”, again?

49% of French Muslims want Catholics to convert to Islam, and that 36% percent want churches to be transformed into mosques.

France is a country where more than 70% of prison inmates are Muslim.

There are also more than two hundred rapes every day in France, most perpetrated by Muslim men who entered France illegally.

7% of illegal immigrants ordered to leave France are ever actually deported.

25% of French Muslims said that the word “France” is a word they reject.

If  a quarter of French Muslims reject the entire concept of “France”, wouldn’t it be prudent for the host body to reject them?  Or, to put it more bluntly, at what point, one wonders, do the French say “Assez!”  and start mass deportations?

At the least, I’d suggest improving amending French law to include castration as a penalty for rape, but no doubt the French, famously permissive when it comes to l’amour, would have a problem with that.

Oh yeah, the French for “expulsion” is expulsion.  I knew that.

The More, The Merrier

Looks like Texas is getting help:

Florida Republican Governor Ron DeSantis announced on Thursday that he is sending members of the Florida National Guard (FLNG) and Florida State Guard (FSG) to Texas to help Governor Greg Abbott (R) stop the “invasion” of illegal aliens flooding into his state that has unfolded during the Biden administration.

Excellent stuff.  Can they bring a few dozen of your alligators with them?  Guaranteed a good home, and plenty to eat.

Quote Of The Day

From Austin Bay:

“As for escaping to Texas, please stay away. It’s absolutely terrible down here. We have hurricanes and tornadoes and sweltering summers and gazillions of feral hogs. The worst of it:  increasingly terrible traffic thanks to tax migrants fleeing California.”

What he said.  Our local traffic around Plano/Frisco/McKinney looks on occasion like the traffic I encountered in L.A. back in the late 1990s/early 2000s.

He forgot to mention guns.  We have lots and lots of evil guns here too, and a bunch of rednecks who love them.

The Name Thing

This one had me howling, in Comments:

I’m grateful for this opportunity to voice a question which has nagged me for many years: is Kim Du Toit really an American?

Look, I know you faced the choice: legally immigrate to America or be beaten to death in a cargo container. Anyone who has not faced that situation has no standing to say which is the moral choice. Nevertheless, your choice is questionable.

No reasonable person can doubt your commitment to constitutional, republican governance; to the public order so essential to the thriving of civilization; to entrepreneurship and the creative power of capital; to national defense; and ultimately to the rights and prerogatives of the individual.

However, you have certain… cosmopolitan tendencies, which cast doubt on your true allegiance. You have traveled to England and maybe even to Stockholm; places where child molesters are tolerated. We patriotic, heartland Americans might overlook such peccadilloes… except for one thing.

We can’t pronounce your name. Americans have made no secret of this: we cannot hear or pronounce French vowels or terminal consonants, and we understandably become violent when anybody points this out.

Previous generations of immigrants had the good sense to Americanize their names, is all I’m saying.

All good stuff, and it gave me much amusement. Let me take them in reverse order.  Firstly, here’s the story of the name.

When I became a U.S. citizen — I mean, on the very day I was sworn in — I was asked if I wanted to change my name.

It was the first I’d heard of this option;  nobody had ever told me I could do it when I became a citizen.  All I had to do was give a new name right there, and that would be the one on my passport and naturalization certificate (and SocSec database, automatically).

Had I changed it — one option was “Dalton” because it sorta sounds like “Doo-twah” and had two syllables, but I needed to think about it — it’s a big deal, changing one’s name —  and I had to make a decision right there and then.

So I didn’t.

And lo and behold, I found over time that people liked it — they said it sounded really cool and exotic — and it was quite a hit with the ladies, along with this kinda-fake Brit accent that I picked up at school.

Interestingly enough, when I asked both my American wives (Son&Heir’s mom, and Connie) if they wanted to keep their respective surnames instead of being saddled with this strange French thing, they not only refused, but refused loudly and emphatically.  (New Wife, when I asked her the same question, just gave me That Look so I changed the subject hastily.)

As to the other charges:

However, you have certain…cosmopolitan tendencies, which cast doubt on your true allegiance. You have traveled to England and maybe even to Stockholm; places where child molesters are tolerated. We patriotic, heartland Americans might overlook such peccadilloes…

(I chuckle helplessly again, even as I type this.)

I realize that the charge of “cosmopolitanism” is a serious one, especially to Middle America (the class to which I aspire, and the one with which I identify the most strongly).

But FFS, just because I speak several other languages that most Murkins can’t, and I like visiting foreign lands, and can tell the difference between Baroque- and Norman architecture, and likewise between Academy- and Romantic art, and Chopin and Schubert’s music, does this make me less American?

I even admit to preferring croissants over Wonder Bread, sausage rolls over hot dogs, and Victoria sponge cake instead of apple pie.  (I draw the line at BBQ, however:  no other food can compare.)

And I’m really sorry, but Wadworth 6X is just a better goddamn beer than fucking Budweiser or Coors.

Frankly, I think that Americans could do with a little more cosmopolitanism, if for no other reason than to break the bonds of bullshit American marketing of mediocre/awful products like the above (and let’s not forget “American” cheese, which is truly fucking horrible and no man should).

And I’m happy to do my bit to advance that cause, on these here pages and on this back porch of mine.

By the way:  I’ve never been to Stockholm, and I think child molesters should be burned at the stake, after extensive torture.