What’s that you hear, Lassie?
Yeah, I can hear them too.
Next up: AI-generated eyeballs (to defeat retinal scanners) and fingers, complete with your fingerprints. You heard it here first.
So much for ID security.
My fucking email server has gone to shit. Now I can’t even use MS Mail or my MSN account.
Please don’t bother emailing me until Tech Support and I get it fixed — assuming we can — because I can’t respond.
What goes: “Fuck. Double fuck. Double-doublety-double fuck”?
That would be me.
When my Logitech mouse starts randomly double-clicking when I tap the key once.
Yesterday I tried to see whether it was a software or hardware issue, so I tried going to Logitech’s “Customer Support” site (okay, you can stop laughing now).
shot bit the bullet — not literally, ammo is spendy — and ordered another one. From Amazon.
“Your order may be delayed as the product is on back order.”
[several lines of cursing omitted]
While it’s often easier to sync your phone to a vehicle, it doesn’t allow the company you purchased the vehicle from to maximize its data harvesting capabilities. It also lets you circumvent their operating system to a large degree and any apps that might be tied to commerce, which is why automakers are now trying to sweeten the pot. The ultimate goal is to basically convert your vehicle into something that can sweep up just as much information about you as your smartphone — if not more.
“If you’re using Android Auto or Apple CarPlay, then you’re kind of limited [for use of applications]”, Alexander Schoenhals, a Mercedes-Benz engineer working on third-party apps, explained.
Do they even realize how sinister this all sounds? Every time I read shit like this from MB, BMW or VW, I want the 8th Army Air Force group to be re-constituted just to fly over and bomb their fucking factories into rubble (and repeat with Detroit on the return leg), simply to weed this bullshit out and force the aforementioned data harvesters to start from scratch all over again.
I’m unlikely to buy a new car anytime soon, if at all — more likely, I’ll be driving New Wife’s Fiat 500 forever, once my non-technological Tiguan has breathed its last drop of 89 octane unleaded.
But mark my words; I will never drive some information vampire like the modern breed.
I’d rather find a way to get my hands on something from the pre-technology era (1970s) like a VW Thing, a Jeep CJ5 or others of that ilk (other suggestions in Comments), and deal with their discomfort and unreliability.
As for modern car manufacturers: fuck ’em, and the motherboard they’re surfing in on. I want no part of their shit.
It’s a well-known fact that if a criminal scrote wants to get into your car, he will. But why make it easier for him?
Got a car with keyless technology? It’s twice as likely to be stolen: Insurer reveals changing face of motor theft as brazen criminals shift tactics.
This is one modern geegaw I’ve never understood the need for, let alone wanted in my car. What is so difficult about inserting a key into the ignition and turning it, that you have to make it “wireless”?
Of course, there’s this:
Fuck ’em. If I ever get a new car (highly unlikely), the first thing I’ll have done is get the fob disabled. And if it can’t be disabled and is the only way to start the car, I’ll get another car with a fucking metal key.
This has nothing to do with a resistance to change; it’s resistance to pointless, expensive and unnecessary change.
Next: electronic handbrakes.
I read this guy’s story with something akin to dread:
And that’s when I realized that little by little, my phone had gotten the best of me.
I’ve often prided myself on one of the few people not shackled to my phone, but after reading this guy’s story, I chided myself for my arrogance.
As much as I hate to admit it, my phone is now an integral part of my existence, as much as my glasses or my car.
We’ve been one-carring it since the beginning of the week — first, my car had to (finally) get completely fixed after my collision with the highway crocodile a few weeks ago, which meant that while New Wife was driving to and from work, I sat at home, isolated. Then I had to get some errands done (Rx refills etc.) so I had to drive her to and from work for a day. Then, just as we were going to pick up the Tiguan, I got this call: “My check engine light just came on.”
So we picked up my car and dropped hers off, to get the oil changed as well as getting whatever the warning light entailed seen to. All manageable (except the total repair cost for the two cars — I’m going to have to sell a gun or two, and I’m not kidding), but having one car was an inconvenience, really.
However: had my phone disappeared on me during this time, that would have been simply catastrophic. Calls to the auto repair shop, calls to New Wife to organize pickup times… the list of critical calls was far longer than I was comfortable with. And don’t even ask me how I’d have got through to anyone without my phone’s contact list.
Like many people nowadays, we don’t have a landline phone in the apartment. But I’m starting to rethink that — or else I’m going to get a no-contract burner phone for emergencies.
This modern life is bullshit, and it sucks green donkey dicks.