Tech Update

Back when I wrote about getting a new phone, I said this:

…and I bitched and moaned about that for a few hundred lines.

Well… GOOD NEWS !!!

I can now report that this can be changed, thanks to New Wife, who asked me if I’d done the latest update.  Of course I hadn’t, so she gave me a gentle slap on the head and said, “Do it now.”

Okay, I can take a hint as well as the next man, so I did that with only some token grumbling.  Then she said, “You’re going to love me for this.”

Gentle Readers, all is well and my equanimity has returned to only mild annoyance and irritation (my natural state).  For those people who have Motorola phones or (I think) use Android operating software, the command string is:

  • SYSTEM
  • GESTURES
  • SYSTEM NAVIGATION
  • [select] 3-BUTTON NAVIGATION

…and the familiar “Back / Home / Show Open Programs” symbols will be restored.

Don’t thank me;  thank New Wife.

And by the way, this option may have been available from the word go, but I never saw it and nor did New Wife.  We think it was part of an update, but we can’t be sure.  Whatever:

Unnecessary Change

I am often teased about my resistance to change, but in fact I’m quite comfortable with it, when it is both necessary and/or beneficial.

Case in point:  last week I got sick of my phone performing random changes on me — e.g. switching to “Airplane” mode (a 3-button operation, so not a “fat-finger” or “butt-dial”  phenomenon) without my input — and a battery that had been charged t0 100% but had somehow shrunk to less than 50% by the time I got to the supermarket.  New Wife was having similar issues to mine — also un-prompted but different in type — and as we’d bought them at the same time some four years ago, we decided to get replacements together over the weekend.

Because I have ZERO tolerance for inanimate objects and even less with technology, we went off to the T-Mobile store at the mall so as to preclude situations like me hurling the new phone against the wall.  I had done a little research beforehand and decided on the model already (Motorola 4G something because I don’t trust 5G just yet) and as luck would have it, the store had them in stock — the last two, by the way — and so we sat down and got the friendly young customer service kid (thanks, Carlos) to perform the magic which would transfer the data on the old broken phones over to the new ones.  (It says something for the modern generation that he was able to perform said magic on both phones simultaneously without any hassle whatsoever.)

Of course, there was some work left to do — reinstalling the few apps I need to keep my life organized — but that was no problem because I’d done it before with the old phone, so easy job.

Then as I started to familiarize myself with the new phone’s operation, my irritation started its engine and the rev counter began to head towards the red line.  For starters, the familiar operation buttons at the bottom of the screen

…had been replaced by the inscrutable

…which requires one to swipe up to go back to the Home screen.  The “Back” and “Show Open Programs” buttons?  Gone without a trace, sunk quicker than the fucking Bismark.  You can show the open programs, but that requires two or three non-intuitive steps to get there, and I still haven’t found a replacement for the Back button.

WHY?  What possible user benefit does that change provide?

Next comes the incoming phone call answering screen, changed from:

…with, once again, a single button:

And because I get few phone calls anyway, I haven’t yet been able to figure out how to send the poxy call to Voicemail if I’m busy or don’t recognize the caller.

One again:  WHY?

The older screens were both functional, easy to understand and required absolutely no change, nor time spent in learning how to work the fucking things.

I remember back in the day that when buying a new car, learning how to work the thing required about 30 seconds — where’s the indicator lever, where are the light switches, how does the fan/AC work — and you could drive straight out the dealership and carry on with your life.

Now?  You need a 30-minute tutorial from the sales rep, and you’d better not lose your instruction manual (which itself requires a tutorial on how to use it, because car manufacturers insist on trying to make a single manual cover all the different models at once, rendering the thing as inscrutable as the Rosetta fucking Stone).

The new phone bullshit is even less justifiable.

I haven’t even mentioned the fact that the new phones use the smaller USB-C plugs, thus rendering all my old backup power cords redundant and requiring the purchase of a few new ones, to drive up the transaction cost.

Technological change is fine, but making it more difficult to operate on the most basic level does nothing but cause unnecessary aggravation.

New Wife locked the patio door before leaving for work so that my new phone wouldn’t turn into a submarine (the pool is but a few yards away from our apartment).  She is wise, and knows me well.

The only positive thing about all this is that the new (and larger) phone still fits in my car’s phone holder, so there’s that.

Errrr No Thank You

I’ve already griped about the new Win11 OS from Microsoft (motto:  “It would be a great world without customers”), and now all my fears are being realized.  My laptop’s CPU (“brain” for those like me) is probably not going to be able to handle this shiny new gizmo*:

Windows 11 is arriving later this year as a free upgrade for Windows 10 users, but many are discovering that their hardware isn’t compatible. Microsoft has altered its minimum hardware requirements, and it’s the CPU changes that are most surprising here. Windows 11 will only officially support 8th Gen and newer Intel Core processors, alongside Apollo Lake and newer Pentium and Celeron processors.
That potentially rules out millions of existing Windows 10 devices from upgrading to Windows 11 with full support, and even devices like Microsoft’s own Surface Studio 2 which the company is still selling right now for $3,499. Older devices that aren’t officially supported will be met with a warning during the Windows 11 install that the upgrade is not recommended, but the OS should still install.

Nope;  not gonna do it.  I have absolutely no idea what processor I have — oh wait:  according to the little sticker on the laptop bed that I’ve never bothered to scrape off, it’s an “Intel Core17 8th Gen (whatever that means) — so maybe I’ll be okay… [scans link]  okay, there it is:  Win11 will work with the “Intel 8 (Coffee Lake)” WTF does that mean?  “Coffee Lake”?  Why the hell do I have to clutter my (own) memory with their fucking internal buzzwords for a whizbang piece of silicon or whatever it’s made of?

I also note that the Intel 8 is the oldest processor that can handle Win11, so — and forgive me for being cynical — whenever the Microsoft Tech Gods decide that Win11 v3.0 is the Best Thing Evah, guess which processor will drop off the list first?

Then there’s this gobbledygook:

Windows 11 would also require TPM capable of at least 1.2 support and UEFI Secure Boot. Both of these technologies are designed to improve the security of Windows, and prevent malware and ransomware from tampering with encryption keys and other secure elements of the operating system. Now, it appears Microsoft may be mandating TPM 2.0, but again, we’re checking on that.
While Microsoft has required TPM support for OEM hardware certification since Windows 10, it hasn’t actively required Windows to have this fully enabled. That’s changing in Windows 11, and it means if your laptop or PC shipped without these BIOS options enabled then you’re going to have to go searching for a setting to switch on.

And the last bit of fuckery:

Microsoft is also requiring a front-facing camera for all Windows 11 devices except desktop PCs from January 2023 onwards.

As it is, I cover my camera lens with tape except when doing videocalls, so I don’t really care about that — until Win11 mandates that my camera has to be on at all times when using their poxy software… and then:

Just because.


*thanks to Ace for the link

Good News

My reaction: 

Great Caesar’s bleeding hemorrhoids… it seems like only yesterday when Sarah Hoyt’s husband upgraded me to Windows 10 (which I’d thus far refused to do, mostly as a reaction to the constant nagging every time I restarted my laptop).

But Dan got Very Stern with me, and refused to let me leave the house with whatever operating system I was still using (XP?  Vista?  I have no idea).  So I said, “Only if YOU do it, and it has to look EXACTLY the way it was, and all my files and bookmarks have to be exactly where they are right now.”

So he did, and they were.

Frankly, given that the sum of my computer use is blogging, email (not using MS’s poxy Outlook even) and searching for topless pics of Salma Hayek on the Internet, I fail to see why I need to change anything.

But I know I’m wasting my time, because all too soon I’ll get those unsolicited nagging messages every five minutes again, and then MS will say that they’ll no longer be “supporting” Win10 (like they ever did before ha ha), and then one day my laptop will refuse to start (just like Outlook Express did), and I’ll start the long drive up to Redmond with a rocket launcher, flamethrower and a thousand rounds of AK ammo to take care of the survivors.

And no doubt someone will have a problem with this.

So when the blessed event does finally occur, I’m going to need one of my tech-savvy Readers living within a few miles of my zip code to rally around and do it for me, mostly because I don’t want to drive all the way to Sarah’s house (Colorado?  Kansas?  Idaho? who knows?) to have Dan Hoyt do it all over again for me.

And by the way, Microsoft?  I don’t need a “new” Start button, Mac-style features, or Android apps on my desktop.

What I really need is to get to the range…

Still Incommunicado

Sorry, folks… this is what you get when your apartment complex gives the sole contract to AT&T… resounding silence to my request for assistance.  (And don’t say “satellite”, because guess who owns DirecTV?)

Anyway, I have a few moments to write some stuff, and I’ll do so in a moment.  Regular programming should resume In’shallah when AT&T deigns to give it back to me.