Category: Men & Women

I found this old thing while rummaging around in my archives.  It was behind the nude pics of Dita Von Teese.

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Men Are Just Happier People!

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station rest room because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress purchase: $5,000. Tux rental: $100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
You can sleep with 50 women a year and not be called a slut.
Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades, and when you get much older, your hair ceases to be a problem altogether. You only have to shave your face and neck, and even that’s optional. You likewise have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One wallet – one color for all seasons.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.  You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. At Walgreens.

NICKNAMES. If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fuckhead, Shitbrain, and Knobhead.

EATING OUT. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $31.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the phone calculators.

MONEY. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but “it’s on sale”.

BATHROOMS. The average man has 6 items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY. A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing, forever.

SECOND THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.  No man can ever be a perfect husband. The best we can ever be is “adequate”.

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Feel free to add to the list in Comments.

 

It appears that I’m not alone in hating this recent trend of a guy surprising his girlfriend by proposing to her in front of a large crowd of people.

Public proposals appear to have added an extra fear factor for women hoping to stay out of the spotlight and avoid online ridicule for saying no.

Rejection videos shared online are met either with support or shaming, demanding a ‘yes’ to save their partner humiliation.

Actually, I think that any asshole who subjects his future wife to this kind of emotional blackmail deserves the public humiliation if she rejects him.  And if she wants to show her rejection in a more ummm aggressive manner, that’s her prerogative.

You may disagree with me on this, but you’d be wrong.

I love the fact that Pussydom is always harping about how BAAAD ol’ Leo DiCaprio is just because he trades in his girlfriends for newer models when they reach the ripe old age of 27.

However, when it’s Teh Grrrls going after toyboys, it’s suddenly just peachy:

It’s one reason why many midlife women are discovering the joys of dating someone much younger than them – and there are many more.

Two in five women on the dating app Feeld are now open to meeting members who are 15 or more years younger than them.

US Census data shows the percentage of marriages between older women and younger men has grown in the past two decades: 14 per cent of marriages of women over 50 was to a partner younger by least five years.

Not only is it easier for women to date younger men, those that do are happier. An American study of 300 women found women with a partner at least ten years younger are happier than those with partners their own age or older.

So why would a younger guy go for the Saggy&Baggy option by traveling on the Grab-A-Granny Trail?  From the horse’s mouth:

‘The first young guy I went out with was also the only decent guy who responded to my profile. At first, I thought it was a joke – why would a guy that young and good-looking want to date me? We arranged to meet, and I was convinced he’d either not turn up or run once he saw me in real life. He did neither. We had a brilliant evening and there was no pressure for sex at the end of it.
‘I asked why he chose me over a younger woman, and he said he was tired of their “dramas and insecurity”.’

Well, yes.  I can certainly see that.  Most young men in the target market (so to speak) would probably agree with him, because if ever there was a generation that has their collective head firmly buried up their collective anus, it’s the current 20-30 crop of wimmyns, fresh from their five-year-stint at university and its courses on FemLitEmpowerment and MenArePigs 301.  These are the same chicks who are the bane of companies everywhere, moaning about “work-life balance” and demanding psychological counseling every time a superior asks them to meet a deadline to which they already agreed before taking on said task.

Not that their male counterparts are much better, mind you, but at least some of those Young Penis People are ahem mature enough to attract Older Women, and let’s be honest, for a guy looking for an easy lay with no issues like childbearing hovering over the bedroom, the Saggies are low-hanging fruit — not only for the sex, but also because the oldies are probably somewhat more together than the weenies from their Sociology class.

Of course there are downsides for the cougar-bait;  I don’t call them the Saggies for nothing, but as long as they are reasonably personable and not too manatee-like, it’s probably not a problem. From the above article:

The type of woman who’s inclined to go out with a younger man is usually better than average looking. Let’s be brutally honest here: physical appearance is nearly always the initial attractor. These women don’t necessarily look younger than their age, but they do have buckets of sex appeal.

The best part is that over time, when the Saggies start to get unhinged — and they will — the toyboys can leave them cold with the excuse of “settling down and starting a family”.

Fucking hell, what a shit show.

Here’s an interesting story, and — you may all reach for the smelling salts now — it’s a topic on which I actually agree with Piers Morgan.

Celia Walden believes that “every woman” should have a male friend – but her husband Piers Morgan disagrees.

The 48-year-old revealed that the battle she’s fought to maintain close connections with men she cares about has been fiercely opposed by TalkTV star Piers, who insists they want sex. She clarified: “Full disclosure: my husband doesn’t like me having friends of the opposite sex.

“Like throw pillows, I’ve had to fight for every one I possess. He’s convinced (like so many men) that any straight man is only using ‘the old friendship ruse’ to try to sleep with me.”

Celia took a different approach, telling the publication she believes male pals might be like “husbands”, but they come totally free from “the sex or the resentment”.

No, they don’t.

I don’t trust men around women at the best of times — other than close friends and family — and it has nothing to do with jealousy or trust, either.

Here’s what I know.  At several times in her life, a woman gets to be emotionally vulnerable.  She’s feeling depressed, or she and hubby Had Words, or maybe she’s going through one of those “What about MY movie?” episodes… whatever, she’s fragile.  Men sniff that out because that’s what men do.  And at that point, all good intentions, firm resolutions and all that will disappear, and the ripe peach is plucked.  Add half a bottle of wine, and off you go.

She may hate herself right afterwards (or even during) the act, and hate Roger The Todger for being such an Absolute Bastard For Taking Advantage Of Her.

[insert frog and scorpion fable here]

But of course it’s too late, and to use the Afrikaans expression, the bullet has gone through the church and there’s no getting it back.

And just so we know what’s going on here, this is Celia Walden (48):

 

…and here she is with her total twat of a husband:

 

I wouldn’t trust other men around her, either, no matter how “platonic”.  Like I said, I know exactly where Morgan’s coming from, and I agree.

I still want to emulate Clarkson, though, and punch him in the face.

Okay, now I’ve seen everything:

And the best part?  It’s a sex toy for men, for a change.  To see how it works, follow the link;  it’s kind of interesting.

I know, I know:  “Who needs it?”  “What’s wrong with the old Mrs. Palm and her five offspring?”  “That’s just perverted!”  “Don’t need it.”  “It’s too damn expensive anyway.”

I must confess that I’m not in the target market — even when I was young enough to be so — but I find it intriguing as hell.

But I’ll tell you something for nothing.  When I think back on some past experiences, I bet the Tenga Flip Zero Gravity is better than a lot of those.