Haven’t had one of these for a while, so here goes:
3 People who should have retired a LONG time ago, but haven’t.
- Dog The Bounty Hunter — FFS, he’s like 200 years old, still epitomizes White Trash with that trailerpark hairdo and bad-boy-gay clothing which would get him thrown out of any respectable biker gang. And his schtick is older than my withered ass.
- Joan Collins — another oldie well past her sell-by date, but still acts and dresses like she’s 25.
- Nancy Pelosi — this drunken old gargoyle continues to cling to power long after she’s made enough money from it to last four lifetimes, and done more than her fair share to make the U.S. a socialist country.
Feel free to add your suggestions to substitute for the above, but they’d have to be really good to beat this lot.
Continuing our series of stuff that makes you scratch your head, we come upon the following:
- Pillows, dozens of. Why do women insist on piling pillows and cushions onto beds and couches when they serve absolutely no purpose? FFS, it’s come to the point when before getting into bed or sitting on a couch, you first have to toss half a dozen extraneous pillows or cushions onto the floor, like you’re uncovering layers of sediment in a geological study. (A sub-segment of this is women who put a hundred teddy bears on their bed — are we still seven years old?)
- Wall tattoos. You know what I’m talking about: signs that portray utterly banal shit like “Be Joyful Today” or “Happiness Is A Choice”. The most extreme exponent of this awful trait is Joanna Gaines of Fixer Upper fame. She’ll do a decent job of decorating a room, and then add some bullshit about “Fall In Love With Life”, just to undo the whole thing.
- Having a “tidy” kitchen. Meaning that all small appliances and such have to be dragged out of a cupboard somewhere, plugged in and used, then put away again. I can understand this if it’s not something you use every day, but stuff like coffee machines, toasters and kettles too? And nothing repeat nothing would drive me crazier than having to scratch around for a fucking breadboard every time I felt like a sandwich or some toast. Whenever I see one of those kitchens that is spotlessly clean, immaculate, and empty with only a bowl of fruit on a counter, I think it reveals a character flaw on the part of the woman of the house.
Feel free to add your pet designing peeves, in Comments.
The latest in this series:
- Why it’s taken so long for the Brits to tell Germans, Frogs and other assorted Dago countries just to fuck off.
- Why, after Brexit, the Brits will continue to use the European-spawned metric system instead of the fine Imperial one they themselves created.
- Why there’s such a to-do about fishing territories. Considering that the entire EU has a navy of a size comparable to Rhode Island’s, and even though the Royal Navy certainly isn’t what it used to be, I would have thought that the British negotiating position re: fishing would be: “If you chaps fish where we don’t want you to fish, we’ll blow your ships out of the water.”
Feel free to express your own areas of puzzlement about Brexit in Comments.
As observed in November 2020:
- At least half of the population seems to be okay with living under a socialist government.
- It doesn’t matter if you hold huge rallies for thousands of exuberant followers; unless their pickup trucks are also loaded with thousands of fraudulent ballots, you’re still going to lose.
- Some conservatives still vote for the Libertarian Party, proving that the Left doesn’t have a monopoly on stupid ivory-tower idealists with an impractical, doomed-to-fail ideology.
Feel free to add the things you’ve learned, in Comments.
Welcome to a new feature on this here blog, which will look at why strange things happen (or don’t happen) in various categories. Today:
3 Inexplicable Things About Figure Skating
1. Even though Jayne Torvill was kinda plain-looking and had a dorky hairstyle, most men would still have bonked her if given the chance.
2. Gay men participate in the activity.
3. This move hasn’t ever resulted in any sexual harassment cases:
(As my friend Patterson once put it: “Grab her box and you’re a piggish bastard. Strap on some skates first and all of a sudden it’s ART.”)
More inexplicable things to follow, as I see them.
Feel free to leave your own contributions in Comments, but restrict them to figure skating. Violations will be deleted.