I Had A Dream

…but it wasn’t anything like Martin Luther King’s, or ABBA’s dream, nor about Joe Hill (no link because Commies), and sadly, it wasn’t about Cass Elliott.

No, I dreamed that a wealthy Reader (who looked a lot like Ginger Baker, FFS) offered to buy me three guns, with the caveat that they couldn’t be guns I’d owned before, nor any old guns at all — they could only be new guns.

At least it wasn’t cars, because then I’d have been in real trouble.

Anyway, I woke up without having made any choices, but the dream has kinda stuck with me all day.  And being prevented from getting a gun that I’ve owned before makes the list really short, because… well, you know.

So after some considerable thought, here they are, the top 3 guns I’d like to receive as a gift:

1 – Dan Wesson Valor (.45 ACP)

Some may consider this a cheat (because the 1911 is old, and I’ve owned several in the past);  in my defense, however, I’ve never owned a pocket 1911, nor anything made by Dan Wesson.  But I’d love to, and this one makes my bang-switch-actuator itch.  Badly.

2 – Ruger No. 1-S Medium (9.3x62mm)

Never owned a No. 1, nor any rifle in the venerable 9.3x62mm.  I would even consider going on an(other) African hunt (but with Doc Russia and Mr. Free Market) if I could take one of these.

3 –  A.H. Fox FE 20ga (as made new by Connecticut Shotgun Mfg. Company)

This beauty ticks all the Kim Boxes (side-by-side, double trigger, straight stock, 30″ barrels) and if the Dan Wesson was disqualified because rules, I’d just get a matched pair.  And then I’d head off to join Mr. FM in Dorset later in the year, you betcha…

Anyone else had a dream like this one?

3 Unnecessary Driving Skills

…in these here modern times:

  • Driving a manual transmission.  I’m not saying that the near-disappearance of the stick shift is a good thing — anything but — but it seems that most automobile owners today are quite comfortable with being steerers rather than drivers.

  • Parallel parking.  Other than in city streets, almost all parking spots are adjacent and not parallel.  I don’t remember in which state this happened (Pennsyvania?), but a woman sued the state’s driver’s code which mandated parallel parking proficiency, saying (quite rightly) that her inability to parallel park was a burden on nobody but herself, and any inconvenience suffered because she would have to drive around looking for non-parallel parking would be hers alone.  The judge agreed, and the rule was set aside.  I don’t know whether that’s spread to other states.

  • Reversing ability.  It seems that almost every car these days comes equipped with some kind of rearview camera and a warning system which beeps when you’re about to reverse into something.  I have to say that this modern geegaw is one that I heartily approve of, especially for Old Pharttes like myself for whom turning around in the seat is no longer the simple task that it once was.  (My 2013 VW Tiguan doesn’t have such a thing, and I wish it did.)

Feel free to add your ideas of other unnecessary driving skills, in Comments.


3 Inexplicable Things

…in this case, three older women I still have impure thoughts about:

Caroline Quentin (64)

Never a great looker, but for some reason I always had a thing for her, starting with Jonathan Creek all the way through Blue Murder.  And she’s never let her dumpy figure get in the way of her career, or self-esteem. My kinda gal.

Jean Smart (71)

Fell in love with her during the Designing Women  days, never lost it.  One of the sexiest voices of all time, and even though she’s from Seattle, she speaks Dixie with the best of them.  And she inhabits every role she plays, ergo  all those acting awards.  The interesting thing is that she never really got to play the leading-lady femme-fatale  romantic roles, probably because at 5’11”, she towers over most Hollywood actors, and casting directors are morons.

And last, but by no means least:

Rita Wilson (66)

Yeah, Tom Hanks’s old lady.  Always had a slight thing for Greek chicks… and let’s not forget the freckled boob thing.

Three Oldies

…that I inexplicably still find sexy.  I know I know, they are long past their “Use By” date, but still…

Cyndi Lauper (75)

I just think she’d be great fun.

Marsha Blackburn (70)

Like so many beautiful women in this country, she’s a native of Laurel, MS.

Blythe Danner (79)

Always loved her, and would love to meet her in person, as long as she didn’t bring her dreadful daughter (Gwyneth Paltrow) along.