Category: 3 Inexplicable Things

…that were shocking back then, but aren’t nowadays:

1. Miniskirts

2. Women getting tattoos

(pic from 1940)

3. Interracial couples

And three things that weren’t shocking back then, but are nowadays:

1. Candy cigarettes

2. Fewer safety regulations

3. Letting kids play outside, unsupervised

1. Made a New Year’s resolution.  Because I refuse to let other people tie me down to anything*, so why should I do it to myself?  Something you may want to change about yourself might occur at any time during the year anyway, so why set some arbitrary date for its commencement?
2. Fired a blackpowder muzzle-loading musket or rifle.
   
   Some of my Readers (and you know who you are) have tried to assure me that this brass cartridge case thing is just a passing fad;  I may be conservative, but that doesn’t mean I can’t keep up with the times, when appropriate.  (I have fired several such handguns, e.g. a Colt Dragoon and Navy Colt, and it was a huge PITA, whether it was in the preparation, the actual shooting, or the clean-up afterwards.)
3. Bought anything at a Hallmark Crown store, or any place that sells only candles.  I have no idea how these establishments ever came to be, and their continued existence remains a mystery to me.  Then again, I’m a man and we don’t go to places like this.  Maybe when they start carrying ammo…

Fell free to add your “never done that” things, in Comments.

*unless it’s to a bed, and then only in very special circumstances.

…done these three things:

• watched Dr. Who  on TV,
• read a Jilly Cooper novel (although I might give in at some point because I despair at the level of modern writing and its authors),
• ridden a horse.

I always thought that Dr. Who  was an infantile take on sci-fi — just hearing people talk about the show irritated me — so I never bothered.  I kinda feel the same about Star Trek, although I have watched a few episodes of that series, always kicking myself for wasting time immediately after the closing credits.

I don’t know why I never read Jilly Cooper’s books, unless it was because of my misogynistic attitude to female writers.  No, I can’t be bothered to explain that, either.  Reading the blurb on the back of any of her novels, I always wondered why I would ever be interested in her silly, two-dimensional characters and fluffy inconsequential plot lines, and I’d return the book to the shelf, un-tempted into its purchase.  The only thing I can find to recommend Dame Jilly, other than the obvious:

…is that she always had a very casual attitude towards sex, both in her writing and in her observations about the people around her.  Not judgemental, she.  Besides:  it was the 1970s and -80s, FFS [sic].

Horses are filthy, fragile animals, prone to all sorts of illnesses, and even the “quiet” ones are always trying to kill you.  Besides, as black powder and muzzle loaders have been superseded by metallic cartridges and bolt-actions, our transportation needs have evolved and we don’t need them.

• After the age of 35, never go on top unless it’s reverse cowgirl. (Executive Summary:  your face looks like a bloodhound as the skin sags.)  Just beware of the reverse cowgirl too, because he’s going to get a good view of your saggy, wrinkled butt.  It’s far less stressful to do the naughty under these conditions:

• If you’re going to go for a toyboy, the ideal formula is:  your age divided by two, and above.  If the result is less than 30, you should be ashamed of yourself.  Ignore if fabulously rich or else once fabulously gorgeous, e.g. Joan Collins.

• Over the age of 50, never be photographed showing your knees, unless you’re sitting down with legs bent (see pics below of Jane Seymour, 74, who follows this rule religiously).

(Executive Summary:  Wrinkles around the knees are like rings on a tree:  they increase with age.)

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