From Longtime Reader Chaz (who had obviously taken his Grumpy Pill earlier), I got this response to yesterday’s post about driving around Italy with a gorgeous actress by your side:
As the son of an actress and a barrister, born to the stage, I have to tell you that the very idea of being obliged to drive an actress, any actress, the length of a country, any country, in a car, any car, is for me a much less than appealing prospect.
Damn it all, man, most of your cars don’t even have a back seat for her to back-seat-drive from.
Were I blackmailed or otherwise coerced into doing this I would select the fastest car and get the whole wretched business over as quickly as possible. Whichever actress came with the car could jolly well keep schtum or ride the rest of the way in the trunk (note effortless use of correct US terminology).
My choice (definitely assuming your stipulation of ‘no breakdowns’) would be the Alvis Stalwart.
And ideally no passengers. One of my recurrent nightmares used to be that of being confined for a fortnight to a compartment on the Trans-Siberian Railway with the late Archbishop Desmond Tutu. As the poor fellow is no longer with us perhaps this one will now subside.
It had me howling with laughter all the way through.
Especially at the vision of Chaz trying to maneuver the Stalwart through some of those teeny Italian village streets…
I understand the problems associated with actresses (having been once married to one) and the exasperating experience of highly-strung, unreliable old cars (former Fiat driver), but none of that compares to the absolute joy of piloting either of them at full speed, so to speak. In other words, it would be well worth the hassle.
All that said, I nearly wimped out with my choice because, as y’all know, it’s an unbelievably difficult choice: which gorgeous car? which gorgeous woman? It’s a conjoint analysis with so many factors…
…but Gina Lollobrigida and the Austin-Healey combine throbbing sexuality with throbbing automotive power, so #3 ends up being my ultimate choice.
Next Sunday’s post will feature a similar set of gut-wrenching choices.
******************UPDATE: I ordered the Howa**********************
As my Loyal Readers all know, our Boomershoot CZ 557 rifle was most foully stolen from my house during the Great Flood Catastrophe Of 2021. (I say “our” because I was simply holding it for whoever the raffle winner might be.)
I have been waiting patiently to replace the damn thing, but I despair. I’m on about six gun outlets’ waiting list, but time is getting tight and if I want to take it up to Boomershoot 2022 to see if it’s fit for purpose, I need to get one of similar quality — PROVIDED that none of the current (and I have to say, most patient) ticketholders object.
The one I’m looking at as a replacement for the CZ 557 is this one:
It’s the Howa Chassis Rifle (HCR), chambered in .308 Win/7.62x51mm NATO (here’s a review which should tell you everything you need to know about it).
I found one, it’s in stock, black as pictured, and the dealer is holding it for me. All I need is ticketholder approval and it will be on its way to me tomorrow.
Responses in Comments, ASAP please.
Fishing in that Moody River. Guess what riff I can’t get out of my head…
From the Divine Sarah (Hoyt):
“You know, the more I look at the left, the more they resemble evil fantasy novel characters.”
One has to think that if a fantasy writer wanted to create their next evil villain, they’d look at (say) Gretchen Whitmer and think, “Nah, nobody would believe that.”
So let’s just keep in black & white, shall we?
And in the same mode:
Now get out there and try to add some color to your world…
Last week’s post on aircraft provoked more comments from Readers than just about any other piece at this blog.
So this week I’m going to do something quite different.
The scenario: you are going to do a road trip in Italy which will more or less follow the old Mille Miglia race course. It will not be a race — in fact, you will end up driving quite slowly, stopping to enjoy all the wonderful views and other attractions along the way. The only stipulations are a.) that you are in your early thirties, and b.) that whatever car you choose for the trip will be mechanically sound (i.e. no breakdowns).
To make it even more interesting, whichever car you choose will involve a mandatory traveling companion of similar vintage, and your choice therefore requires you to pick not only the car, but the companion as well. You may not choose or substitute any outside the pairings as listed.
Choice #1: 1958 Lancia Aurelia B24 and 1958 Sophia Loren
Choice #2: 1968 Morgan 8 and 1968 Grace Kelly
Choice #3: 1967 Austin-Healey MkIII and 1967 Gina Lollobrigida
Choice #4: 1965 Ferrari 330 GTS Spider and 1965 Suzanne Pleshette
Choice #5: 1959 Corvette and 1962 Ann-Margret
Choice #6: 1958 Mercedes 300 Roadster and 1958 Elizabeth Taylor
One choice, and one choice only. Enjoy the trip.
Update: I fixed the date of the Corvette, and of Ann-Margret just a little (she would have been 18 in 1959, shuddup you pervos).
Also: what part of “you’re not going to experience car trouble” was not clear?