About Face

I see that following their woke cock-up (is there any other kind?) last week (my commentary here), Heckler & Koch have reversed course faster than Clint Eastwood finding out his date is a trannie:

The next day, Heckler & Koch revealed a colossal corporate change of heart. It deleted the tweets and seemed to suggest someone may have been fired.

Didn’t help, judging from the responses:

  • I’d expect nothing less from the brand that will never compromise.
  • Finally, a company that understands the toxicity of engaging in identity politics.”
  • A fully-armed and bikini-clad apology would smooth things.”
  • Someone got fired!”
  • No, not good enough. Send me a free gun.”
  • I’m so sick of the PC crap… Folks have enough to deal with without having to worry about offending some thin-skin’s sensibilities.”
  • This almost does it. Need an ad with a good-looking woman in a bikini…with guns, and a beer…”
  • Nope, I’m still upset! I will be requiring a VP9 and an HK45 as reparations before my feelings are unhurt.”

Companies need to keep tighter control on their employees’ social media, methinks — and especially if said employees have access to the corporation’s social media.

Beyond that, HK got reminded of something like a gun-safety lesson: Don’t point your tweet at anything — including your marketshare — that you aren’t willing to destroy.


In the meantime, here’s a gun bunny to make us all happy again:

I know, she’s not carrying one of H&K’s overpriced guns, but that just shows her good sense (which is more than they have).

They Hate All Of Us Anyway

Here’s one that made me chuckle:

Gunmaker Heckler & Koch tweeted agreement Tuesday with Miller Lite’s woke campaign against using sexy women — “bunnies” — to sell products, then doubled down in a second tweet, describing ad campaigns that objectify women as “trash marketing.”

On Tuesday, Heckler & Koch doubled down, responding to accusations that they have become “woke” by giving a detailed explanation of their opposition of “objectifying women” in selling guns:

Wow- woke? Allow me to translate: objectifying women was never a good marketing strategy. In the firearms industry, that was a prominent strategy up until recently. Many industries have done that (including beer corps).

As an actual woman typing this, I’ll use more words for you to comprehend: using bunnies to sell products is trash marketing. Supporting women by not doing that is good. 

Of course, it’s easy to say all that bullshit when your target market isn’t men buying guns for their womenfolk (unlike light beer).  If it was, H&K (who, as Larry Correia reminds us, think we all suck anyway) would paint bikini models on the oversized grips of their overpriced guns.

And by the way — and this applies to all gun companies — your job is not to “support women” by uttering platitudes like the above.  Your job is to support women by making guns that they can actually shoot.  (Last time I looked, H&K is kinda lean in that product description.)

As with light beer, I can’t boycott H&K products because I’ve never owned one in the first place — mostly because of H&K’s Ferrari-like premium prices.  (Only unlike Ferrari, whose cars are arguably worth the $$$$, H&K guns aren’t.)

Anyway, it’s all bullshit. Manufacturers have been using beautiful women to sell their products ever since Mrs. Aarg preferred Mrs. Thaarg’s leopardskin loincloth.  That’s not going to change, ever.

Bloody fools.

Secret Advanced Technology?

I got triggered by this (link):

A couple months back I needed a cooler trunk for a road trip — not a soft-sided freezer bag, but the kind of thing one takes on camping, hunting or fishing trips.  I haven’t had to buy one of these things in yonks, so I was completely out of touch with the whole thing, but I thought I’d just get a Coleman because I sort of know the brand and I’ve had good experiences with it in the past.  Also, I needed something in the 50-60-quart size.

So off I went to Academy because they’re located next door to my next stop, the Kroger which in turn is next door to my sooper-seekrit mailbox place.  (Efficient, that’s me.)

No Coleman.  Okay, no sweat;  here’s Igloo:

…not bad, but a little pricey, and I want a trunk, not a box.

Here’s Magellan, which is Academy’s sorta-house brand, made (as they all are) in China:

…wait, WTF?  $200 for a smaller cooler?  Any more Igloos?

FFS, two hundred and fifty dollars for a fucking cooler with wheels?  Does it come with independent suspension and power steering?

But it got worse, oh yes it did.  Try this proud Yeti number:


Okay, I said I’m out of touch with this category, but has there been some massive gain in static refrigeration technology that I haven’t heard about?  “Roadie”?  Does it come with someone to drag the thing around?

Had I wandered into REI, Whole Foods or a Ferrari dealership by mistake?

What premium-priced hell is this, where people pay this kind of money for what is, after all, a throwaway product that lasts a couple of years before the seals rot and you have to get another one?

Somebody ‘splain this to me, please.  I’m clearly just ignorant.

By the way:  I ended up getting two styrofoam coolers from 7-Eleven for $15 apiece, just put up with the styro-squeaking for the trip, then tossed them when I got home.  Job done.

Unaffected, Yet Still Amused

As someone who has never drunk more than a mouthful of “light” beer (true story:  I tasted a Lite when I first arrived here, didn’t finish the drink, and never touched another of the type ever again), the brouhaha surrounding Bud Light’s marketing decision to elevate some girlyboy to be the brand spokesman has left me totally unmoved — well, apart from bursting out in derisive laughter, that is.

I don’t have a sexy MBA from some elite academic institution, so I’m hardly one to judge this latest example of woke stupidity [redundancy alert].  Nevertheless, here are some core principles I’ve discovered along the way, in a career that spanned over three decades of marketing and advertising.

Marketing Rule #1:  You never neglect (never mind alienate) your existing customer base.  They are the ones who pay your salaries and keep your production lines moving.

Marketing Rule #2:  Once your brand is established, you never chase after “new” customers, but concentrate on getting your existing customers to use your product more.  This is both intuitive and cost-effective, except perhaps to an inexperienced person with a sexy MBA from some elite academic institution.

Marketing Rule #3:  You never make radical changes to your marketing or advertising strategy, especially when it comes into direct conflict with the philosophy of the first two rules.

Marketing Rule #4:  You never let the latest “thing” drive changes to your marketing strategy, especially if that latest “thing” conflicts directly with your brand’s core principle (Unique Selling Proposition, ethos, whatever) and customer base.

And for senior management:  if anyone in your marketing structure — executives, ad agency, promotion company, whatever — suggests anything that flies in the face of the above four principles, fire them immediately before they get to make those changes.

Understand that they’re not being fired for making a mistake.  They’re being fired for deliberately ignoring the canon of the marketplace.

Sequential Humor

I’ve spoken about these guys before, but this is the best.

Executive summary:  Company comes up with cheeky ad which is generally loved, but which (of course) offends a few (literally) people, so they have to take it down.

Here’s the offending (not offensive) ad:

Here’s their response post-takedown:

And here’s their latest:

Perfect, as advertised.  If I were in the market for some backyard fake grass, I wouldn’t consider anyone other than Great Grass.

Business Decision

I love to read bullshit like this:

John Wick 4 trailer sets up battle between Keanu Reeves and Bill Skarsgard: ‘Only one can survive’

Uh huh.  Like any movie studio is going to kill off the hero of a very successful “franchise”.  I can just visualize the management’s response to some young dimwit suggesting that action:

Let’s face it:  when it comes to art, business always wins.  Always.

Afterthought:  I watched the first Wick movie, hated it with a passion (actually never made it to the end) so I’ve never watched any of the sequels.  The above post has more to do with the marketing thereof than anything related to the movie itself.