Category: Modernism

The Glass Tube As Architecture

Architecture, Modernism

Here’s one from London that gets me chuckling:

Mansour Namaki wants to link his Grade I-listed Regency villa – which was designed by James Burton in 1828 – to the mews house that also sits on the land.

Fair enough.  He owns both properties and the land between them, and it makes good sense to link them rather than have to walk through the garden (in British Weather) just to get from one to the other.  But then it all went pear-shaped:

He has hired Gherkin tower designer Ken Shuttleworth to design a ‘striking’ glass walkway that will join the two properties in the Regent’s Park Conservation Area.

Ah yes… the Gherkin:

…a.k.a. the Glass Suppository, which all by itself made London look… uglier.

What did he expect would happen?

Well, this is what would happen:

…so needless to say, the Usual Suspects and Busybodies got involved:

According to the council, the walkway’s ‘sculptural form would be a deliberately striking intervention which would over-compete with the architectural forms of the historic building and would demand attention.’

Richard Simpson, chair of Regent’s Park Conservation Area Advisory Committee said: ‘We asked the council to reject it and they did. Now we are waiting for the appeal decision.

‘It’s a very interesting house historically. 

‘This walkway would be a completely inappropriate addition both in terms of its scale, as it is two storeys, and its design. Its exotic curvy glazing which is really quite inappropriate.

‘It’s possible that an application for a walkway could be accepted. We are not saying he can’t as several others have but they should be much more modest. The buildings need to be respected.’

And another:

‘The rules are there for a reason. These houses are Listed and the rest of us have to abide by the restrictions. If Historic England has refused to approve it then they will have valid reasons for doing so.

‘The plans aren’t in keeping with the architecture. If he wants to build something modern he shouldn’t have bought a Listed home – they are very strict in the conservation area about what can and can’t be changed.’

And I agree. This bullshit is all about “Well I bought something so I can do anything I want with it” is typical rich-man’s solipsim and arrogance.

Anyway, that glass tunnel looks like something a pervert would use to insert a rat up someone’s anus.

The only good thing I can say about this silly man is that his wife would look really good in a Regency-era ballgown.

No permit needed for those.

Wokist Of The Year

Modernism, Wokism

Speaking of memes:  I don’t know or care exactly what year this happened, but FFS.

The subject was this pic, which must have become one of the most famous (and funniest) ever:

Funny, that is, except to some Swedish asshole:

The image created controversy in 2018 when it was ruled sexist by a Swedish ad watchdog.

Swedish internet service provider Bahnhof used it for a recruitment ad where the girlfriend in the image was “your current workplace” while the other woman was “Bahnhof”.

But the ombudsman concluded: “The advertisement objectifies women. It presents women as interchangeable items and suggests only their appearance is interesting… It also shows degrading stereotypical gender roles of both men and women and gives the impression men can change female partners as they change jobs.”

My take?

No doubt, he’d take exception to that one too, as it turns a wondrous object of desire (a woman’s vagina) into a humorless fuckwit.

Pointless Shit

Marketing / Advertising, Modernism, Old Fartism, Technology

I’m always ranting about how the auto industry has overloaded basic transportation with evermore-complex technology (3 seat-position memory options? FFS), but of course, they’re not the only ones.

Here’s another example, seen via a link on Insty’s page:

What a load of bullshit.  My old Keurig essentially has two options:  size of cup, regular/strong brew, and that’s it.  (“High Altitude Setting”? FFS #2)

Oh wait… I forgot mine’s warning light for “There’s No More Water In The Reservoir, You Idiot, Can’t You See Through The Clear Plastic?”

Let’s not forget the lie of “Brushed Silver” when it’s just shiny plastic.

And forgive me, but the whole point of a Keurig is that you can make a cuppa quickly without waiting for the water to boil, so the “Auto On/Off” switch is the work of Satan.  (Yeah, “saves electricity” blah blah blah… fuck the whales.)

Needless to say, in the spirit of manufacturers everywhere, my model Keurig is no longer available;  so when it finally quits working, I’ll be forced to buy one of these multi-featured over-complex monstrosities at, of course, a price which is 40% more than I paid for mine.

Don’t even talk to me about the cost of replacing my ageing VW, or my soaring blood pressure will ensure that the Tiguan outlives its owner.

“Modern”

Fine Art, Modernism

Whenever one is confronted with the random squiggles and daubs that are a feature of “modern” art, there is an irresistible impulse to say dismissively “Looks like something my kid could do”.

Because it’s true.

I defy anyone to argue otherwise when seeing this travesty in what is quite possibly the world’s most cultured city.  (via Insty, thankee Sarah… I think)

Fucking hell.

Phoniness & Fakery

Drive Time, Modernism

I almost, but not quite had a Red Cloud Of Blood (RCOB) moment when I saw this little piece of snot:

The biggest automaker in the world is reportedly working on an electric vehicle prototype that mimics the feel of driving a manual transmission, complete with a gear shift that’s not connected to anything and a floor-mounted speaker to pipe in fake engine noises. The car will even pretend to stall out if you fumble the controls — in order to deliver drivers the complete experience of driving a manual car.

…in other words, turning their already-shit cars into the automotive equivalent of a RealDoll.

Here’s my thought on the matter:  what with the Kardashians, CNN and Gavin Newsom (to name but some examples), I think we’ve got all the fake shit we need around here.

The thing that stopped me from a full-blown RCOB and made this just a Tut-Tut Moment was the recollection that I’m never going to own or even drive an electric car, ever.  It would be like Macy’s announcing that they’re going to be selling onion-flavored toffee — nauseating, yes;  but I never shop at Macy’s, I’m not in the toffee market, and am therefore unaffected.

And as for a “gear shift that’s not connected to anything”, I can think of no better description of Joe Biden.

Shit Houses

Architecture, Modernism, Two-Minute Hate

…is the (bowdlerized) title of this badly-edited video, wherein some mouthy Brit shouts about crap architecture in an annoying whine, but whose script could have been written by me except I would have inserted more swear words.

And there’s a genuinely-terrifying moment at about 3:25 which will make you want to commit murders.

Right after that horror, there’s an annoying advertorial (hey, the guy has to pay the bills somehow), but you can fast-forward a couple-three minutes if you want.

Here’s another example of the kind of thing he’s talking about, and that I hate with a passion.

Never an errant hijacked airliner when you need one.