Category: Guy Stuff

Things that make men go “Oooooh!”

Consolidation

Marketing / Advertising, Retailing, Toys

According to this rather lengthy video, Rolex is dropping hundreds of smaller Rolex “dealer” outlets and instead creating Rolex megastores in “prime” locations such as London (!!!) and Manhattan (!!!).

It would appear that the main reason behind this is that Rolex wants to protect their brand by limiting the number of outlets, dropping smaller stores (regardless of relationship longevity) so that they can control the whole “Rolex buying experience” and provide their customers with the proper treatment with fine ambience, better-trained staff and so on.  Also, these larger stores can carry the extensive Rolex range that a smaller store couldn’t.

It all sounds well and good, except that the actual reason, it seems to me, is that during the sales spike caused largely by the Great Covid Panic of 2020, the people who really made money weren’t Rolex themselves but the profiteers who bought their watches and resold them on the “grey” market — and Rolex, like Ferrari, wants to keep as much of the market to themselves.  (Same tactics, different product.)

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing. As long as there are people willing to pay the inflated prices of their products, then good luck to them.

My own personal take on the thing is that I’m indifferent because (regardless of any lottery winning) I would never be a Rolex  sucker  buyer in the same way as Ferrari would forever be outside my list of automotive choices (except maybe a Dino, although given the current price list of same… nah, never mind).  Sorry, I’m no longer impressed by brand names, especially when the brand’s “value” is artificially pumped up by fools and suckers with more money than sense.  And even more so when the brand operates in a commodity category like watches.

And finally, I happen to think that those big, blocky things like the Submariner are just… ugly.  I’m not a scuba diver so I’ll never need one, and anyway, there are other watches just as good for half the price and a tenth of the Rolex attitude (once again, see:  Ferrari dealers).

A pox on all their houses.

That One Thing

Guy Stuff, Tools

So you’re going to be marooned on a deserted island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.  You can only take ONE thing with you.

What is it?  Easy-peasy.

Swiss Army Champ XXL:

Hahaha.  Just kidding.  There’s way too much stuff on the XXL that you’ll never need, and all that makes it damn heavy and cumbersome.

The “ordinary” Champ will do just fine.


(As I recall, I have about three of the things scattered around the place:  bedside drawer, toolbox and SHTF grab-‘n-go bag.  Oh wait, there’s another one in the kitchen “junk” drawer too, so:  four)

My only “improvement” would be to exchange the red plastic grips for grooved aluminum (which they make for the Mini-Champ and others, but inexplicably do not offer with the larger Champ models).

Feel free to argue with my choice in Comments.

By the way, this post was inspired by:

Plan Vs. Reality

Corporate Fuckery, Tools

Via Insty, I saw this little snippet over the past weekend:

BMW Patent Reveals Branded Screw Design That Limits Access to Vehicle Repairs

BMW has filed a patent for a new fastener design that underscores the automaker’s long-standing willingness to chart its own path, even when that path complicates ownership. The newly revealed screw head is shaped like BMW’s roundel, creating a proprietary design that standard tools cannot engage.

Unlike familiar Torx or hex fasteners, the patented screw uses a circular head divided into four quadrants. Two of those quadrants are recessed to accept a matching driver, while the remaining sections remain flush. The BMW logo is embossed around the perimeter, leaving little doubt about the fastener’s origin or intended exclusivity.

Uh-huh. While I like Glenn’s thought (everyone needs a damaged-screw extractor), that’s not how this will play out.

Here’s a preview of the timeline, as I see it:

  • BMW gets patent for new screw design approved
  • 24 hours later, you’ll be able to buy the following BMW screw-design screwdrivers at Amazon.com, all made in China:

Regular handle ($4.99)

T-handle ($7.99)

Cordless ($24.99, with charger included)

As usual, the marketing- and engineering assholes at BMW (a.k.a. the Control Freak Division) will be handed their asses by the market.

You saw it here first.

Something Different

Toys

Even though I’ve pretty much decided that the Tissot Classic is my watch for life (background here), that doesn’t stop me looking around at other watches.  And if I’m doing the Lottery Dream stuff, I look even more.

Here’s my problem (stop me if you’ve heard this before):  my criteria are firm, and immutable.  They are:

  • manual wind only
  • as plain as possible (no silly moon phases, tourbouillons, etc.)
  • no “diver” watches
  • no steel straps
  • no gold case:  rose, yellow, white, whatever;  steel only
  • no “trendy” brands (which would include Rolex, Omega, Tudor etc.)
  • cost:  no higher than $6,000 (in the Lottery Dream category)

Then in my wanderings, I discovered Schaumburg watches, and I got excited.  From the blurb:

Schaumburg watches have been produced since 1998 in a small factory in the idyllic town of Rinteln, in the Schaumburg region of Germany. This exceptional watch brand specializes in producing mechanical watches of high quality and attractive design. Every Schaumburg watch is handmade, which is why the company’s watches are true works of art. Schaumburg watches are exceptional in every detail.

So, to recap:

  • New company (!)
  • German
  • hand-made
  • reasonably priced (for a hand-made watch)
  • high quality
  • interesting designs — different, even eccentric, but not self-consciously so)
  • hand-wound (also automatics, but no interest in those, of course).

Try these two.  First, the Unique 30:

…and the Unique 33:

I like that Industrial Revolution look, very much.  Had they been around back then, I feel that Isambard Brunel would have worn one, without question.  (They make IWC’s Engineer line look quite fussy, even effeminate.)

And each Unique is under the magic $6,000 mark.

Now… where did I put that lottery ticket?

Back Story & The Brand

Toys

After I talked about my favorite watch of all time — Tissot Heritage — a couple of people wrote to me to ask about the brand.  (I’m astonished that people had never heard of the amazing company, which sells more watches than any other Swiss brand, period.)

Here’s Teddy Baldassarre’s take on the whole thing, and like his other discourses, it’s excellent.  For those with a limited budget but are interested in a super-accurate chronometer, by the way, it’s worth noting that Tissot makes the cheapest such in the whole market, and its performance equals many of the (very) spendy models like Rolex.


(They typically cost between $800 to $2,000 depending on the model — but the chronometer’s action is automatic, and therefore of no interest to me, a self-winder devotee.)

Yer welcome.