Not Shocking; Hilarious

If this little story doesn’t make you guffaw with laughter, we can’t be friends:

This is the shocking moment a King’s Guard horse bites a tourist after she touches the animal while posing for a photo.  Video footage, which has gone viral on social media with over 855,000 views, shows the woman putting her hand on the horse’s neck while posing for a photograph.  The horse then swings its head towards the woman before clamping down on her saree.

My only regret is that it didn’t bite the fool woman’s tit off.  It tried its best, though.

Where do people get the idea that the world is their own personal little stage where they can do whatever they like, without suffering any consequences?

Update:  Heeeeeerrrre comes another one!  This time, Snowball got a good grip.

Au Revoir, Paddy

I’ve spoken before of my distaste for “holidays” which simply serve as a catalyst for “social drinking”, not the least because like New Year’s Eve, they put a whole bunch of amateur drinkers out on the streets and behind the wheel of a car.

Most egregious of these is St. Patrick’s Day:  a time when, as the marketing goes, everyone turns Irish and drinks Guinness, Bushmills and Tullamore Dew.

Except me.  This would be like commemorating “St. Boromir Day” when I wear a Cossack hat and drink chilled neat vodka till I fall over.  What a farce.

Still, let me not be a killjoy.  There are always the costumes:

Makes you proud to be “Irish”, dunnit?

Can’t Go With That

Here’s a headline that made me scratch my head:

Are Nephilim Still Ruling the World?

Wait, Nephi-what?  Oh FFS, I wish I hadn’t looked this one up:

Genesis 6:1–4 tells the readers that the Nephilim, which means “fallen ones” when translated into English, were the product of copulation between the divine beings (lit. sons of god) and human women (lit. daughters of Adam).

I know, I know… it’s in the Bible, so it must be true.

So that means that all those Greek “myths” weren’t actually mythical at all?

Zeus and the other Olympians were constantly and permanently knocking up princesses, queens, nymphs, sirens, lesser goddesses, warrior women and just plain fair maidens who bathed in the pool with their handmaidens. And the handmaidens, too, sometimes. Zeus even managed to impregnate mortal women when he was a swan or a bull.

Hercules was the illegitimate child of Zeus and a mortal woman, as were Perseus, Helen of Troy and Minos (among other very, very famous offspring of Zeus). Yep, the Greek God family tree is very, very tangled. The genealogy is near impossible to try to map.

And ancient Greeks who literally believed in their religion also believed that Zeus could produce offspring with human women in the real world; among the many people who did was Alexander the Great’s mother, who claimed that Zeus had fathered her son. Alexander the Great was alleged to have actually believed this himself.

I can see why Alexander might have believed it of himself, but I cannot believe that anyone in this day and age would even be discussing this bullshit.  And yet they are, and I perforce must pass comment on their drooling fantasies.

Talk about yer animal husbandry…

No Right At All

Here’s a story which is guaranteed to get me going, and it’s a topic I’ve discussed before.  Seems as though this Old Phartte popped his clogs at age 91, and decided that because his grandchildren had never bothered to visit him while he was in hospital, that they weren’t worthy of getting any of his loot once he was gone.  So instead of cutting them out of his will, he left them each only a few bucks.

Needless to say, the grandchildren sued the estate, claiming that they were “entitled” to a third, rather than the 0.0001% thereof specified in his will.

Where do these people get the idea that they should be entitled to anything?  FFS, his estate, lest we all forget, is his own property — something that people (and governments, a rant for another time) seem to forget.

So if Grandpappy wants to leave his dough to Someone Not His Foul Grandchildren because they ignored him while he was alive, he’s perfectly within his rights to do so — just as if he were to give a birthday present to one person and not another.

This business of heredity “entitling” someone something is all well and good when it is, ahem, an actual title (e.g. royalty / nobility), but in the cold hard world of law and finance, descendants are entitled to nothing, if the owner of said estate says so.

Anyway, this group of ingrates lost their case, and a damn good thing it is too.  And for the record, they’re as ugly as they are greedy.

Small Wonder

The last time I was in an office supply retail store (Staples, Office Depot etc.) was shortly before I took down my consultant’s shingle and beat a client to death with it.

A frequent customer of such establishments, therefore, I am not.

So when New Wife asked me to swing by one and buy a half-dozen plastic clipboards while she was doing the laundry, I obliged with pleasure.  Here’s the item under discussion:

I know, we could just have bought the things from Satan’s Warehouse Amazon, but they were needed urgently, i.e. the next day, so we would have to buy at full retail.  But the price stuck in my mind, because that meant that the clipboards would price out at just over a couple of bucks each.

So I went over to Staples, who had the product not at all, nay even unto other colors.  “Maybe next week?” was the helpful response from the stock clerk of whom I made the request.

No big deal:  this is America, land of choices sufficient to make you puke.  So pausing only to knee the surly peasant in the groin, I went over to Office Depot, literally across the road.

Okay, they didn’t have any blue ones in stock (school uniform color, in case you’re interested).  But they did have clear ones which, when I checked with Herself, were judged “satisfactory” albeit grudgingly.

But no price in the shelf, so I grabbed a passing flunky by the ear and told him to scan the UPC code with his little scanner thingy, which he did after only a little moaning.

Then he told me the price of the piece of plastic with tin clip up top:

Thirteen (13) U.S. dollars… EACH

…and then it was my turn to do the moaning.

Fucking hell.  If a piece of mass-produced-made-in-China shit can cost in-store what can be purchased online at one-sixth of the price, something is wrong somewhere.  It could be the office supply store’s pricing policy, it could be the cost of shipping, it could be that the price was entered into the store’s price file at 10x the intended (that added decimal place matters, you know), it could be any number of things.

Anyway, New Wife was as appalled as I was, the teachers will just have to settle for something other than a blue plastic clipboard, and I’m sure that Office Depot’s fire insurance policy can replace the store… or not, I don’t care.

Because it will be another decade before I bother to set foot inside one of them again.

Actually, Yes

As with the above article, here’s a story which makes my fists clench involuntarily:

A female American Airlines employee was left permanently scarred after a male passenger repeatedly punched her, according to a report.

The reported incident happened on Monday night when Bruce Luke Machiavelo, 29, from Fairfield County, Connecticut, was on a flight from Miami to LaGuardia Airport in New York.

Machiavelo had told a flight attendant that he suffers from panic attacks and that he wanted to retrieve his medication that was in his checked luggage, according to a Miami-Dade police report.  Once the attendant explained to the passenger that he wasn’t going to be able to get his medication, he told her that he ‘took planes down with panic attacks in the past’, the report said.

Machiavelo was then escorted off the aircraft, arrested and hit with multiple charges including aggravated battery, battery, disorderly conduct and resisting an officer without violence.

When he was taken off the airplane, Machiavelo reportedly pushed and screamed at the American Airline’s manager who approached him, police said.  He punched her several times in the face before he threw her to the floor, causing her to bash her head on the gangway, according to authorities. As he rushed off the plane, Machiavelo also shoved a gate agent to the floor, leading her to injure her hands.

The manager was taken to a nearby hospital with permanent scarring to her face and head, the report said.

So you know you suffer from panic attacks, yet you pack your meds into checked luggage and not in a carry-on bag?

And then go Full Raving Psycho Loony when your ridiculous requests aren’t met?

Here’s my first question:  would anyone have a problem with the cops giving this punk a savage beating before slamming his ass in a cell?

Second question:  would anyone have a problem with this asshole being forced to pay for the hapless woman’s medical treatment and plastic surgery?

If you say “No, I have no problem with your suggestions, Kim”  to both the above questions, then we can be friends.

To be honest, I’ve sometimes wanted to go nuts when some airline employee enforces some ridiculous airline regulation on me.  The difference is that I haven’t.  And nor should this asshole, but clearly he’s been accustomed to have his every wish granted in the past, purely because of his “panic attacks”.

Well, fuck him and all the people of his ilk.