I have always wondered why old people are always falling over and breaking hips and such.  This is because for most of my life, I’ve been quite nimble on my feet, and well-balanced to boot.

No more.

I have occasional (and mild) episodes of vertigo whereby I’ll change direction suddenly and stagger a little (no more) in my original direction.  Worse, though, is I seem to have lost my balance and therefore my ability to keep on my feet when tripping, and — given my now-extensive tonnage — I fall to the floor like a sack of rocks.

Which is what happened to me the night before last.  Coming out of a bathroom, I tripped and fell — HARD — onto our uncarpeted floor, landing squarely on my left hip.

Ouch. Fucking ouch.

New Wife, bless her little motherly soul, was quit distraught despite my telling her that I’ve suffered worse sports injuries (true).  She packed me off to bed with Brother Tylenol ES for company, and that was that.

Nothing broken, I’m happy to report, and not even any bruising, perhaps because I immediately packed some ice onto the area.  But sitting is painful, prolonged sitting is worse, and walking after having been seated for a while is worse still.

I feel much better today than I did yesterday, though, in that I haven’t had to take any analgesics for the pain.  I had, I think, a narrow escape.

But lemme tell ya:  this getting old thing isn’t for young people.

Monday Funnies

Just for a change, today’s Monday Funnies is all about guns, because you guys don’t get enough of that stuff around here.

I need to do something about that.  Anyway:

And to round things off:

Now get outta here and head to the range.  Baby Vulcan will bless you.

Subtle Hints

Here’s a real tearjerker for you:

Lowri Rose grew up in a devout Christian home but her local church “grassed” on her when she started flogging naked snaps.

Her stepdad then called her to say the family wanted nothing to do with her and she has had zero contact with them since.

Gosh… if her family had only had some small clue about her side job, say on their summer holidays:

…or around the house:

…or even in the backyard:

Ugh.  If she was a waitress, I wouldn’t even want her serving my food.

Questionable Achievement

In an article so stupid that one would heave the laptop into the pool to escape it, a couple of statements nevertheless managed to stick like burrs onto an idle brain cell.

A successful porn star has shared her expert knowledge – and that includes how men can improve during sex.
Angela White – who has been dubbed “the Meryl Streep of porn” – has 932million views on Pornhub and countless subscribers on OnlyFans.
The 37-year-old is without a doubt one of Australia’s most successful exports, having 95 awards thanks to her performances.

The rest of the article is completely pointless and forgettable, but the last statement was the burr, leading to the tangential thought:  what else has Australia memorably exported from its island shores to the rest of the planet?

I’m trying to think of many, or any, Oz exports outside the sporting world (in which area the Strylians admittedly excel).  So leaving aside Rod Laver, Greg Norman, Donald Bradman, Margaret Court, Shane Warne, Graham Thorpe and their ilk, what’s left?

Actors Paul Hogan, Nicole Kidman, the Brothers Hemsworth, Hugh Jackman etc. and a few directors (Peter Weir comes to mind)… novelists Patrick White, James Clavell, Thomas Keneally, Colleen McCullough, Neville Shute…

…and that’s pretty much it.   (No doubt my Strylian Readers will step up in Comments to chide me, and that’s a Good Thing.)

When it comes to stuff (as opposed to people), the gruel is thin indeed.  Of Foster’s Lager and Vegemite we will not speak, and I can’t think of any more Oz exports that come to mind.  (There is a list of Oz inventions which is quite astonishing, but a great many of them were developed elsewhere e.g. the U.K. and the U.S.)

As for the above-mentioned Angela White we will say even less, except that if she is indeed “one of Australia’s most successful exports”, the Land Down Under needs to up its game.

Or we need to revise our definition of “successful exports”.

Here’s noted Oz export Isla Fisher:

…who is known principally for her appalling taste in husbands.