Monday Funnies

Oy vey, it’s Monday:

Just for the hell of it, I proclaim today Jew Day on this here website.  (Don’t panic;  everything has been blessed by the Deth Bin*.)

(My buddy Lev, who is an actual rabbi, tells me that this would be funny were it not so true.)  And in that same vein:

And just for the hell of it:

And one of my personal favorites:

Now get out there and make some money.  Next week:  Italians.

*I know;  shuddup.



Not Wanted

Inspired by this piece in the DM, I list things that seem insubstantial or unimportant, but under the reign of World-Emperor Kim (see above) would be banned and destroyed whenever seen in public:

  • Oddly- flavored booze, e.g. chocolate vodka and raspberry-flavored beer.  Just thinking about them makes my mouth go lemon-shaped and my stomach go into spasm.
  • Light (“lite”) beer.  The only way I’d agree to letting this shit stay around was if it were sold for ten cents a gallon.  Then everyone who drank it would get horribly drunk and die in car crashes, thus solving two problems.
  • Crocs, when worn outside the garden.  They work surprisingly well as gardening shoes, but there are limits.
  • Ditto Uggs:  excellent slippers, should not be seen in public.
  • Chewing gum.  Disgusting stuff, especially when chewed with an open mouth.
  • Nose rings.  Absolutely nobody’s appearance is enhanced by this foul facial appurtenance.
  • Car decals.  Every last one of them, no exceptions, and  especially the smug mini-billboards like “Proud Parent Of An Honor Student”.  Don’t even get me started on the “go faster” stripes, or flames.
  • “Lifted” trucks on public roads.

Note that I’ve left off the large stuff like Modernist architecture, Glocks and music produced by Simon Cowell.  They are a constant irritation to me and have often been featured on these pages, so I’m not going to belabor the point.

Other than “carpeted bathrooms”, I found most of the things in the DM  list rather inoffensive, albeit some in bad taste.  And they can take my Nicky Cage sequin pillow from my cold dead hands.

Feel free to add your favorite hates to the list.  (Just stuff, no people — we all know who you’d want to see gone, or be first on the noose.)


I’m all in favor of gun rights groups — the more, the merrier, because it stops the existing ones from getting too comfortable and cosy with the politicians, by giving us gunnies more options.  And new ones have been starting up all over the place in recent years.

So, Gentle Readers:  should I join this group?  I certainly qualify.

To mark the occasion, I’d probably get one of these:

(link embedded in the pic)

Incomprehensible Witch

Over at Taki’s place, Ted Dalrymple takes aim (metaphorically speaking;  he’s a Brit) at some total loony university professor:

Professor MacCormack’s book defeated me, not only sapping my will to read further but inducing a state almost of catatonia.  It certainly cured me, at least temporarily, of my obsessional desire to finish any book that I have started.  Her style made  The Critique of Pure Reason  seem as light and witty as  The Importance of Being Earnest.  She appears to think that the English plural of manifesto is manifesti rather than manifestos;  I admit that it conjured up in my mind a new Italian dish, gnocchi manifesti.
Open the book at any page and you will find passages that startle by their polysyllabic meaninglessness combined with the utmost crudity.  By chance, I opened the book to page 144 and my eye fell on the following:

The multiplicity of becoming-cunt as an assemblage reassembles the tensors upon which it expresses force and by which force is expressed upon its various planes and dimensions.

And Dalrymple notes:

I have known deteriorated schizophrenic patients to speak more sensibly and coherently than this.

No kidding.  Let’s take a look at this paragon of literacy, shall we?

…and not in drag:  

This Oz bint is, and I quote:  “a professor of continental philosophy at Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge, England” (whatever “continental philosophy” may be).  Also, Anglia Ruskin University is not part of Cambridge University, but a separate school with campuses scattered across several towns, Cambridge being but one of them.

One wonders what John Ruskin (after whom it’s named) would think of this example of its academic excellence.


Foreign Darwinism

What the title means is what happens when tourists travel to a foreign country and then act stupidly — usually with the excuse “But it isn’t a problem back home!” — and are then astonished when they’re arrested, abused or have similar bad things happen to them.  Here’s an excellent example of such stupidity:

Police in Dubai arrested a group of people for public debauchery over a widely-shared video showing naked women posing on a balcony in the city.
Violations of the public decency law in the United Arab Emirates, including for nudity and other ‘lewd behaviour’, carry penalties of up to six months in prison and a 5,000 dirham (£983) fine.
The sharing of pornographic material is also punishable with prison time and a fine of up to 500,000 dirhams under the country’s laws, which are based on Islamic law, or Shariah.

I know, I know;  the airwaves and newspapers are going to be full of cries such as “How ancient and barbaric are their laws!” along with excuses such as “They were only having a little fun!”

Yeah, ancient and barbaric they may be, but let us not think for a moment that these silly tarts didn’t know that what they were doing was illegal in the country they were visiting — I’m willing to bet that this was part of the allure of acting like this — and now they’re going to discover exactly what happens to “whores” and the “debauched” in the oh-so-enlightened UAE, with their swanky hotels, huge shopping malls and international airport.

The “Darwinism” I refer to in the title doesn’t mean Darwinism taken to its extreme, of course.  That’s what happens in little garden spots such as Southeast Asia, where drug smugglers face the death penalty.  By comparison, this is small potatoes:

I would have little problem with this bunch of idiots getting a few light lashes with a cane — a fairly common punishment in those parts for that kind of behavior.  I’m not suggesting this particular punishment, of course, but all in all, it could be worse.

Take it from someone who knows:  after a while, your ass stops tingling after a caning — and given the choice, I’d gladly take that over six months’ imprisonment in an Arab jail.

Monday Funnies

Today, it’s our special Vegetarian Edition:


And if get excited by these vegetables, you need help:


That’s enough of that filth.  Time for something more wholesome:

And finally, a fruitarian I could get behind, so to speak:

Bonus prize for guessing the band’s name… no?  Here they are.