…or groups of people that I don’t want to see, read about or hear from in 2023:
- Rebel Wilson — this sour-faced Oz chick was distasteful even before she went lesbo
- Harry / Meghan — totally irrelevant couple, consisting of the one-time royal “spare” and an ex-TV starlet of little talent
- Madonna — I shouldn’t have to explain why
(Dis)honorable mention: Piers Morgan. Because Piers Morgan.
- anyone named Beckham: David, his pointy wife, his no-talent sons, whatever
- the Kardashian / Jenner coven — they are the very definition of the term “media whores”; also included: their many sperm donors
- anyone named Obama — the socialist ex-president, his talent-free wife and his irrelevant daughters
(Dis)honorable mention: any Trump not named Donald.
Taken as a whole, all the above define the word INSIGNIFICA, as coined by Yer Humble Narrator, and deserve no hearing or exposure.
For men or women:
- Hard Choices — Hillary Clinton
- a coffee mug with something twee printed on it
- a scented candle
Feel free to add your “favorites” in Comments. Bonus points if you just got one this past Christmas.
I’m not talking about invented names like N’Demetrion or illiterate ones like Jaykob; let’s look at three seriously-unfortunate names one would have to bear for life:
- Adolf Lloyd-Webber
- Jesus Crist
- Piers Morgan
(Monday Funnies will return next week.)
Ranked in order of ascending foulness:
Happy Valentine’s Day! (men to women)
- …from your love sausage
- …to the world’s deepest tunnel, from its longest train
- …I love you so much, I have a pic of your face on the inside of my undies
- …to my darling Fiona (and your name is Sally)
- …now please sign the divorce papers
Happy Valentine’s Day! (women to men)
- …and just remember: no flowers, no annual blow job
- …to the man I’d most rather fake my orgasms with
- …to my second-favorite anal sex partner
- …to the pair best suited to my scalpel
- …to the father of at least one of our children
Your suggestions in Comments.
Yup, it’s a return to a Friday feature Of Yore.
And this has nothing to do with your earnings, either, but what it says about you as a person. Ranked in order of increasing foulness, they are:
- Professional assassin
- TikTok Influencer
- Sugar Baby
- Hedge Fund Manager
Feel free to correct me, if you can think of worse.
In ascending order of ghastliness:
- substitute the soundtrack from Oh! Calcutta! for the traditional funeral music
- French-kiss the widow / grab the widower’s cock
- invent a whole bunch of salacious but fictitious stories about the late when delivering the eulogy (e.g. “Fred always said that sex with a woman was okay, but not as good as the real thing”)
- take group photos, as at a wedding, only with people standing around the open coffin
- start a “throw the wreath” ceremony, and have Granny catch it.
You suggestions in Comments.