I’ve got this pic set as my laptop’s wallpaper.  Can you see what’s wrong with it?

As the Son&Heir commented:  “No room for even a plinking range.  WTF?”

It’s a good point, although there’s enough space to put a clay-tosser for a little shotgunning fun…

…using only non-toxic shot, of course.


Today’s public service announcement comes from Noose-Tie, makers of fine hemp rope for over 150 years (motto:Stretch Necks Not Rope“), and should serve as a handy little reference guide for when we start cleaning up the Swamp come The Glorious Day:

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the range because I support shooting over hanging, for obvious reasons.

Driving Fun

I have frequently referred to Jeremy Clarkson as the Greatest Living Englishman, because he is.  Not only is he unrepentantly un-PC, he’s wonderfully talented as both a writer and a TV presenter.

The fact that he and I agree on practically everything — about cars, politics, social life and society, whatever — doesn’t hurt, either.

So sit back and enjoy a partial retrospective of his 30 years’ work as a car reviewer for the Sunday Times.  And just to whet your appetite, here’s a little excerpt from one:

Many years ago I refused to road-test the Vectra on Top Gear, arguing that if Vauxhall couldn’t be bothered to make the car interesting in any way whatsoever, I couldn’t be bothered to drive it.

To understand just how dull this car was, you need to visualise a chartered accountant in a tweed jacket with elbow patches, playing cricket, in a period drama by Jane Austen, in Belgium, while reading out details of the Enron scandal in a Birmingham accent.

This car was Mogadon in metal, hypnotherapy with a hatchback. Driving it was as interesting as listening to the details of someone else’s dream, and thinking about it had exactly the same effect on your neck muscles as that moment at school when the master dimmed the lights and said: “First slide, please …” You immediately nodded off.

They said, remember, it was a car for the new millennium. And how far did it get? Well, it’s only 2002 but already it’s gone.

I can’t stop with just one.

I have read hundreds of surveys in women’s magazines about what women look for in a man and usually it’s a sense of humour or nice eyes. Not once have I ever heard a girl say that what she wants, more than anything, from a man is an ability to do power slides.

It needs to be explained to Gary that, when he’s doing 100mph round the bypass, with jungle noises bouncing the doors off their hinges, his girlfriend is not sitting there thinking, “Gosh. This man’s car control is exemplary and I hope that later he will perform similar miracles with me.”

She is thinking: “Bleedin’ Ada. We’re going to crash and I wish this plonker would slow down.” But of course she can’t say that because then she’d find herself at the side of the road, in the rain.

We need the people who did those amazing Australian “If you drink and drive, you’re a bloody idiot” adverts to pick up the baton on this one. And I think I have the tag line already. “A smooth ride: if you give her one, she might let you give her one.”

Brilliant.  Like I said:  the Greatest Living Englishman.  Here’s his smooth ride.

Different List

The Daily Mail  has published its list of the Top 39 (?) Beautiful Moments of the last one hundred years.  Of course, a lot of the things they celebrate are among the events I’d have added to my list of the worst moments in the past century (e.g. election of Obama), but there ya go.

Here’s my list of beautiful moments (since Jan 1, 1923, in chronological order).

  1. 1923: Calvin Coolidge inaugurated
  2. 1940: Battle of Britain
  3. 1945:  VE- and VJ Day
  4. 1947: AK-47 first submitted for USSR military trials
  5. 1963: getting my first air rifle (birthday present)
  6. 1964: Beatles release A Hard Day’s Night  album
  7. 1967: Beatles release Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band  album
  8. 1968: first Shakespearean acting gig (in Hamlet)
  9. 1968: French-kissed a girl for the first time
  10. 1969: Moon landing with Neil Armstrong / Buzz Aldrin
  11. 1970: bought my first beer (age 15, Castle Inn, Hillbrow, Jhb)
  12. 1971: lost my virginity
  13. 1971: first played on stage to an audience (rhythm guitar)
  14. 1971: member of team competing on S.A. schools’ radio quiz (we won)
  15. 1971: graduated St. John’s College (First)
  16. 1972: arrested during anti-apartheid demonstration
  17. 1972: bought my first two centerfire guns (Mauser 98K, Llama XI 9mm pistol)
  18. 1973: first professional music gig
  19. 1974: co-founded Pussyfoot Show Band (later Atlantic Show Band)
  20. 1976: bought a Rickenbacker 4001S bass guitar
  21. 1979: first apartment (solo)
  22. 1979: joined A.C. Nielsen
  23. 1980: Ronald Reagan elected
  24. 1980: Borg-McEnroe Wimbledon final
  25. 1981: Hill Street Blues first episode aired
  26. 1981: slept with four different women over a single weekend
  27. 1982: first marriage
  28. 1982: visited America for the first time
  29. 1983: first extramarital fling
  30. 1984: first presentation to the Board of a major client
  31. 1985: bought my first computer (Apple IIe)
  32. 1986: emigrated to America
  33. 1989: Berlin Wall came down
  34. 1989: birth of the Son&Heir
  35. 1997: my first trip to London
  36. 1999: published my first novel (Vienna Days)
  37. 2015: B.A. degree (summa ) in Western European History (UNT)
  38. 2016: Donald Trump elected
  39. 2017: met New Wife again, after over 40 years apart

And About Damn Time Too

Finally, the Supremes wake up:

The Supreme Court on Thursday slashed the Environmental Protection Agency’s (EPA) regulatory control over water bodies in a win for conservative critics who argued the agency wielded too much power.

The court ruled that the 1972 Clean Water Act, which allows the EPA to regulate wetlands, only applies to wetlands that are obviously connected to larger regulated water bodies.

Now go and read the details of the case, because if ever there was an example of gross bureaucratic overreach, this would be it.

And I’m glad that the USSC (for once) did the right thing, instead of punting or letting the gummint get away with this.  Otherwise:

(I know, “Where are the tar and feathers?”  but go with me…)

News Roundup

And speaking of women underfoot:

...which I’m sure comes as a shock to the inhabitants of Miami’s South Beach, a.k.a. Sodom and Gomorrah South.

Some Elf News:

...key word:  Mexico.

And now, it’s Gay News!

...whatever could this mean?  Oh:

...visual:  Sarah Hoyt’s Shocked Face.

...not worse enough, and they don’t have enough fingers to plug the dike.  And speaking of which:

...even those eeevil guns, Rosie?  Asking for a friend.

From Spirit Airlines News:

...wait for it

From the Lawn Order Files:

...wait, I thought this kind of thing was impossible because Japan Gun Laws. send her to Juvie in Chicago for six years:  she’ll have all the action she can handle, and quite a bit more she can’t.

From the Dept. of Global Warming Climate Cooling Change:

...actually, France already HAS an annual wealth tax, so what they mean is INCREASE the wealth tax to pay for their gummint’s foolishness.

...spoiler:  nukes.  Actually, just one nuke.

And from the sublime to the ridiculous:

...fucking hell, is this guy EVER going to get over his dead dog? I the only one thinking “depth charges”, just to remind these piebald fucks who’s REALLY at the top of the food chain?

...alternative headline:  Lesbo Discovers She Prefers Dick.

And that lesbo news item segues into yet more INSIGNIFICA:




...and here are a few pics of Eva being rudely French:

Yeah, that’ll wake you up in the morning… unlike the rest of the so-called news.