See if you can spot the bullshit in this otherwise-happy little tale:
Two alleged robbers entered the pizzeria around 8 p.m. “wearing hooded sweatshirts and masks.”
One of the alleged robbers was armed with a handgun and fired a round while trying to get behind the counter. One of the pizzeria employees then opened fire on the suspect, shooting the alleged robber multiple times.
The alleged robber was pronounced dead approximately 30 minutes after entering the pizzeria.
If you bust into a place wearing a mask and hoodie, and start popping off rounds, there’s no “alleged” or “suspected” involved: you are a fucking robber.
And in this case, you are fucking dead.
From what I can gather, some mope who disagreed with his ex-girlfriend’s choice of partner broke into said partner’s house, and pointed a gun at New Boyfriend’s head.
Whereupon New Boyfriend shot Ex-Boyfriend dead, right there at the foot of the bed.
While the cops did initially take New Boyfriend down to the station for a friendly chat, they apparently released him after a pat on the back, and are not going to charge him with any crime.
All good stuff, except of course for the ex-boyfriend; but we don’t care about him and nor does anyone else.
From Melbourne (Florida, not Strylia duh) comes this little story:
One man is dead and two others wounded after West Melbourne police said a group of people broke into an apartment early Sunday and were met by an armed homeowner.
The shooting happened at about 2:25 a.m. at the Reserves of Melbourne apartment complex in the 2200 block of Launch Court, just south of West New Haven Avenue. The suspects are believed to be in their 20s, said Graig Erenstoft, spokesperson for the West Melbourne Police Department.
The latest incident unfolded after several people, possibly armed with at least one firearm, forcefully broke into an apartment, police said. The homeowner, who had a gun of unknown caliber, fired on the group, striking at least three of those carrying out the home invasion, police reported. Police arrived minutes later along with paramedics.
One unidentified suspect was taken to Holmes Regional Medical Center where a doctor later pronounced him dead. Another suspect turned up on his own at the hospital and was treated for his wounds, police said. No details were released about the third person who was shot.
Hey: one out of three ain’t bad, but clearly Our Hero needs a little range time, should any such occasions arise in the future. (Because if his house was targeted, there may well be a repeat performance.)
From Reader Brad comes this extraordinary tale from Chicago:
A suspect who entered a Northwest Side home without permission was shot Monday afternoon.
A 26-year-old man was in the home in the 2100 block of North Meade Avenue a little before 1 p.m. when an unknown suspect entered without permission, police said.
The man, who has a FOID card, fired a gun in the direction of the suspect, hitting him twice in the chest.
The suspect, identified as 39-year-old Alexis Quiles by the Medical Examiner’s Office, fled and was found nearby. He was taken to Loyola University Medical Center and was listed in serious condition and was later pronounced dead.
Ahhh… nothing says “You’re goin’ down!” like a double-tap to the chest.
As for the “extraordinary” part: in Chicago, Righteous Shootings are very much out of the ordinary — but there’s always hope that it will become more popular.
Coming in thick ‘n fast these days… this one from the Nawlins area:
23-year-old Gerald Pope allegedly targeted the 43-year-old cabby around 1 a.m. Monday morning as the armed citizen was sitting in his vehicle at an intersection in the city’s southeast side, pulling a gun and demanding the driver hand over his cash.
So far, so good (for the choirboy). Then:
The cab driver, who was not publicly identified, shot Pope multiple times. He was pronounced dead at the scene.
Wait for the applause line:
The cab driver in the Crescent City suburb of Metairie, Louisiana will not face charges after shooting and killing the man who was trying to rob him at gunpoint.
Okay, off you go:
Even better is the fact that this wasn’t the asshole carjacker’s first rodeo… but it was definitely his last.
Seems as though this choirboy (okay, “registered/convicted sex offender”, if we’re going to get all judgey) decided to have a little impromptu entertainment, to wit by breaking into a lady’s apartment for purposes which should need no further explanation.
Unfortunately (for him), said lady was not interested in activities of such kind, was armed with a decent handgun, and after trying to warn the Choirboy off, had no recourse left but to shoot him in the face. Which made his future sex life, so to speak, disappear. (It’s hard to get en erection when the rest of your body is at room temperature and the old circulation is at a standstill.)
Let’s hear it:
As this happened in Tucson AZ, the cops are doubtless going all Virgil Earp and congratulating Our Heroine for ridding the community of a Bad Sort.