Category: Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice, Men & Women

“Dear Dr. Kim,

“My boyfriend and I have been together for many years, and we have various routines around the house which make life predictable, and we like it that way.  (Some might call it ‘boring’, but horses for courses, right?)

“These ‘routines’ even extend to the bedroom, and we have a very satisfactory sex life.

“However, recently my boyfriend asked if instead of our normal low lighting or darkness, we could have all the lights on when we make love.  He says he wants to see me enjoying the act.

“Well, I won’t.  I have a hangup about my appearance — I admit it — and I don’t think I could handle having him watch me flop around the bed.  He disagrees, saying that after all this time together, he knows what I look like, thinks I look fine, and it would be a departure from our usual routine. 

“When I continued to refuse, he even said that this might be a ‘deal breaker’ in our sex life.

“I understand all that, but I really really don’t want to do it in bright lighting.  I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t enjoy sex that way, and it might turn me off altogether.  That wouldn’t be good for our relationship, then.

“Dr. Kim, what am I to do?”

— Shy Lover, UK

Dear Shy:

Firstly, there’s no need to be embarrassed about your preference for sex in darkness or low light.  Darkness or dim lighting has always been a mood enhancer, especially for those people who don’t look like Salma Hayek, or Brad Pitt for that matter.

Secondly, your boyfriend is a total shit for saying that this might be a deal breaker:  is he going to stop having sex just because you don’t want to go along with him?

However, his shittiness doesn’t end there.

Dr. Kim’s Tenth Law of Sex says:  “If a man suddenly wants to shag under bright light, there’s a 90% chance that there’s going to be a video camera involved.”  So if you think you’d be embarrassed by having sex in bright light, imagine your embarrassment when re-watching the fun and games on your TV later, perhaps on many occasions.  Expect your embarrassment to grow exponentially when your would-be Quentin Tarantino shares the video with his mates or with everyone in the world via the Internet.

I think your long-term relationship is going to have an expiration date.  Make some plans accordingly.

—

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim,
“My girlfriend has just returned from a hen week with three love bites and two new tattoos.  She pouts she got drunk a lot and can’t remember what went on.  She assumes that we can simply carry on as usual, but how dare she treat me like this?”

— Puzzled, UK

Dear Puzzled:

Let me get something off my chest, first.  When the hell did a hen party night turn into a hen party week?  WTF?  Does anyone (other than the Party Girrllzzz Set) think that any good will come out of this?  Oh sure, a mob of drunken women, unrestrained by morals and good taste, out to have a good time without any consequences (they think) for a whole damn week?  Let me tell you:  under the term “Recipe For Disaster” in the dictionary, you’ll find this event as one of the prime scenarios.

And I won’t be distracted by the red herring of “Well, men have bachelor parties toooo!”  because that’s a topic for another time, but suffice it to say, men are idiots and always have been.  Women are supposed to be better than that, and increasingly, they aren’t.

And now that we’re here, let’s get around to your specific problem.

Here’s the executive summary, in case you haven’t figured it out yet.  Your slag of a girlfriend — a self-confessed blackout drunkard — went away for one of these debauched parties, misbehaved utterly, got shagged by (at least) one other man and got two (more, I assume) tattoos.

There are more red lights flashing here than in Amsterdam’s Hooker District.  In case you haven’t figured this out yet, allow me to list them:  habitual drunkenness (not a good feature of any relationship), licentiousness (love bites? strange men nibbling on her neck?  FFS) and multiple tattoos added without memory of the occasion(s).

In answer to your question, “How dare she treat me like this?”  comes this not-so-comfortable response:  because you let her.  You are a weak, pussy-whipped excuse for a man who is allowing this bullshit to continue.

It’s probably too late for redemption, but here’s the deal.  What you should have done, when confronted with the love bites, was demand that she get tested for venereal disease(s).  And when she refused to do so — and she would have, claiming that “nothing happened” (probably a lie) — you should have tossed her out of your life, without regret or compunction.

Which is what you should do now.  If you think that this particular leopardess is ever going to lose her spots, you’re delusional.  So not ditching the bitch is going to ensure that your future life in her company is going to be an unending catalog of drunkenness, infidelity and impulsive self-destructive behavior.

If you want to live the rest of your life — or the immediate future, anyway — under conditions such as these, go ahead, forgive her and carry on.  Just don’t expect any sympathy from anyone, because you don’t deserve any.

Somewhere out there is a better woman for you than this slut.  You probably don’t deserve her.

—

Transplants

Advice

Seen at Insty’s place:

My modest suggestion:

I know, guns aren’t everything… but it sure as hell is a good place to start.  Here’s another one:

*why Soulman’s BBQ?  Here’s what you’ll see at the entrance to ours:


…and it’s seasonally adjusted.

Shutdown

Advice, Drive Time

As Longtime Readers know, I’m not shy to take the occasional swipe at Oz and the Strylians.  This, however, is not good:

We are fifteen days into the Iran–US war. The Strait of Hormuz, the narrow stretch of water through which 20% of the world’s oil and gas normally flows, is effectively closed. Tankers have been hit. Insurers have pulled coverage. Commercial shipping has ground to a standstill for over a week. Brent crude closed Friday at US$103 per barrel, up from $70 before the war, having already spiked to $119.50 during the week. Iran’s military spokesperson has warned oil could reach $200.

Australia imports over 90% of its refined petrol, diesel and jet fuel, almost all of it processed in Asian refineries that are now hoarding output for their own populations. China has banned refined fuel exports. Thailand has suspended petroleum exports. Singapore and South Korean refineries are operating under force majeure. The International Energy Agency has just announced the largest emergency stockpile release in its 50-year history — 400 million barrels across 32 nations.

When the world’s energy watchdog fires its biggest gun, you don’t need a PhD to know the situation is serious.

I hope my Oz Readers (both of them) will take this warning to heart, if they haven’t already.

It’s no longer a joke.