Category: Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I’m a free spirit; I love taking risks and having sex with strangers. I’m 30 and I’ve tried conventional relationships. Boring. I can’t stand guys telling me to what to do. I can’t think of anything worse than being tied down to one person.
“From hook-up apps and dating websites to old-fashioned pick-up joints, nothing thrills me more than spotting someone I fancy and dragging him back to mine. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy risky sex in cars, down alleys, in parks and on beaches too – because I really do. Just recently I’ve had married men, toy boys, freaks, weirdoes and normals and I’ve lapped up every one of them. Finally, I’m taking life by the throat.
“I look fitter and sexier too. People are saying that I’ve got an amazing glow and energy about me – and I put that down to the great sex I’m having.
“Here’s my problem:  My folks keep nagging me to find a partner and settle down. They call me an embarrassment and a disgrace. They claim that my lifestyle is out of control and that I’m in danger of burning out.
“So the price I pay is constant grief from my old-fashioned, interfering family. Of course, they don’t know the half of what I get up to, but they can’t stand that I’m a single woman with a high sex drive and the ability to attract dishy blokes. I’ve just had the most monumental row with my older sister who called me a slut and an embarrassment. How do I make everyone understand that I just don’t care?”
— Bonks Anything, UK

Dear BonksALot:

I’m not going to get into any morality plays with you, because like a suicide bomber, you’re pretty much past redemption.  (Although I have to say that your sister has it pretty much nailed, so to speak.)

What I’m curious about is how your poor family got to know all about your freestyle bonking.  Do you tell them all about it at every opportunity?  Have others been telling them about it?  Do you post your tawdry little stories on Instagram or TikTok or whatever?

Frankly, I’m pretty sure that your next letter to me will be a complaint that your family no longer wants to see you or have anything to do with you — no invitations to Christmas dinners, nor to weddings and so on.

Go on and be happy with the lifestyle you’ve chosen for yourself.  You deserve it, and all the consequences thereof.

—

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I’m a man of 35, looking for a woman to settle down with and perhaps have kids with.  I’m reasonably secure financially — as much as one can be nowadays — and I have a decent job with a good company, but I do have a few quirks that may be regarded as questionable (I enjoy going to the races, but only bet modest amounts that I can afford to lose;  I also rebuild classic cars, which does take quite a bit of time and money but I enjoy the hell out of it). 

“My problem, Dr. Kim, is that as I look around, I can’t really find any women in my target age group (24-35) who seem suitable.  Apart from the obvious losers — I think you know who I’m talking about — most women in that group seem totally unconcerned with their own prospects. A large number still live with their parents, which is a huge turn-off for me because they’re sheltered from the financial consequences of their bad habits, and I have no interest in taking over that responsibility should we ever decide to couple up.

“Even worse, I see these women on social media talking about their lists of criteria that men have to measure up to.  But when I look at these women, I wonder where the hell they get off coming up with any kind of criteria at all, considering that they are, to put it bluntly, horrible prospects who bring nothing to the party except a bad attitude and sense of entitlement.  To be frank, they need to realize that in today’s world, just having boobs and a vagina don’t count as much as they think it might, especially when they themselves may also be bringing stuff like credit card debt and student loans that they will no doubt think that their future partners will have to ‘take care of’ (i.e. pay off).  It’s even worse if they bring children, sometimes from multiple partners and expect guys to be the perfect daddy to them.

“I’m also kinda saddened by hearing them complaining that there are ‘no good men around’ when I know there are plenty — I being one of them, if you’ll excuse my  bragging — but the honest truth is more simple:  there are no good women around for guys like me to couple with or marry.

“Any advice, Dr. Kim?”

— Brick Wall, Missouri

Dear Brick:

You paint a very gloomy picture, and unfortunately I can see no flaws in your summation of your prospects.

In the old days, I might have counseled you and men like you to join a church to find like-minded mates;  but my spies tell me that even churches are no longer proper matchmaking venues because the women of which you speak have figured this out and are joining congregations, using membership thereof to establish some kind of “bona fides” to attract (and entrap) worthy young men.

I could also suggest that you take a few night classes in what’s known as “continuing education” on a topic of interest to you, to see if there might be female classmates who share your interest and can at least be counted on in that regard.  Just be aware that this too might turn out to be a minefield, because college campuses are all filled with the Wrong Sort Of Women nowadays.

I’m reminded of the old joke:

What is the secret ingredient to a happy, long-lasting marriage?
Find a woman who can take care of the household, someone who is wild in bed, and one who is financially blessed. Ensure that these three women never come face-to-face with one another.

I wish I could say something that might give you some hope;  but I can’t.  Your prospects are indeed gloomy, and there’s no easy way, no magic bullet that might make your task easier.

By the way:  what cars, exactly, do you like to restore?

—

This idea was “borrowed” (okay, stolen) from a post by the Feral Irishman:

You wake up one morning and it’s 1995. 
The past 30 years have just been a dream.
What’s the first thing you do?

Here are some ideas that could see you comfortably situated thirty years later, i.e. today.

Buy:

• Amazon.com shares, as many as you can afford
• ditto Apple
• other companies (specify)
• that cherry ’71 Dino 246GT for $15,000 (I remember seeing some for about that price back then, and thinking they were crazy to expect so much)
• a $100k house in Plano TX (which would be worth +/- $490K today) — pick your market

Your ideas in Comments.