Category: Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I am uncomfortable about my girlfriend’s recent suggestions to spice up our sex life. Something has made her racier all of a sudden. She keeps asking to try S&M.

“She has always been adventurous when it comes to intimacy. She loves role play and dressing up. She says ordinary sex is too vanilla and boring.  Recently her tastes have become more extreme. She says she can’t get sexually excited if there isn’t an element of risk.

“Previously, I was happy to indulge her. I’ve never said no to sex in public places and I find blindfolding her a turn on. But now I’m concerned because she’s even started to mention choking.

“This for me is another thing entirely. It scares me. I don’t want to give it or receive it. Why would I want to hurt the woman I love? And I know it could go wrong. I am not prepared to take a risk. I would be devastated if she came to harm.

“I really don’t want to do any of this, but I don’t know how to refuse without making her think I am a bit of a bore in bed.

“I am 31 and she is 42. She’s a fair bit older than me and much more experienced too. We have been together for a year and I’ve really fallen for her. She’s gorgeous, clever and keeps me on my toes.  But I am scared that if I refuse her new tastes she may get bored of me. Or that she will go out looking for someone who will be more edgy – someone who doesn’t care about her like I do – and potentially put herself in danger.

“Should I say yes and hope that if we try it once she won’t want to do it again?

— Apprehensive

Dear Appy,

You have only one choice.

Ditch the bitch. 

I’m afraid that this “gorgeous and clever” woman has some serious psychological issues — issues so profound that you need to put distance — lots of distance — between her insane ass and your dick.

And by the way?  This escalation of her kink is going to get worse, if you can imagine that.  (If you can’t, then that’s all the more reason to GTFO.)

I guarantee you that if you don’t leave, this infatuation that you feel for her will disappear very shortly and you’ll be left with… probably a dead body and whole lot of ‘splaining to the rozzers.

Get out now while you can.

Here Comes Another One

Advice, Freaks & Loonies

It will help if while reading this piece, you hum the tune to the above title (as recorded by Monty Python on their final album).

It was only last week when I slotted this little item into a News Roundup:

…and here’s an update, with a younger member of the Nostradamus Tribe being a little more cagey, timewise:

A man who has been dubbed the ‘living Nostradamus’ claims ‘the worst is yet to come’, suggesting the world is teetering on the edge of WWIII.  

Athos Salomé, 36, who is a trained parapsychologist from Brazil, is often referred to as a psychic due to the accuracy of his insights and predictions, after previously foreseeing the coronavirus pandemic, Elon Musk buying Twitter, now called X, and even Queen Elizabeth II’s death.

Now, as people worry about the escalation of conflicts and humanitarian crises, he warns that ‘a small incident’ could set off a series of terrifying events. 

Key phrase:  “trained parapsychologist” (one could be snarky and add “Brazil”, but if we’ve learned anything, it’s that these loons can pop up anywhere).

If these Nostradami actually worked as advertised, they wouldn’t be hammering on about global catastrophes — at least, I wouldn’t, if endowed with these magical powers.

I certainly wouldn’t be blathering on vaguely about nonsense like “And there shall be a great pestilence come upon the land” [at some unmentioned date, in some unmentioned country].

No, I would be ensconced in the Presidential Suite at the Hôtel de Paris in Monte Carlo, paying for my accommodation (not to mention more than a few unsavory indulgences) by plonking a grand or so on 27 at the Casino’s roulette wheel each night.  That’s at least a useful application of the magic power, and not providing fodder for some crappy newspaper’s This Week’s Things To Panic About! section.

But perhaps I’m being too dismissive.

Sarajevo, anyone?  As Bismarck once said, it will be just some damn thing in the Balkans… now that was an accurate prediction.

RFI: Ireland

Advice, Friends and Family, Travels

From Adopted Daughter:

“Hi Papa.  Could you ask your Readers for advice on visiting Ireland?  I’ll be staying at Lough Rynn Castle near Carrick-on-Shannon in August, but other than the castle itself, I don’t know anything about the area (County Leitrim).”

Here’s Lough Rynn, which appears to be a shabby little place:

I don’t know nothin’ about birthin’ babies  traveling in Ireland, never having been there myself, so all advice, experiences and warnings will be welcome.

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim,

“I’ve been dating my girlfriend for five years now, but for four of those years we were long-distance while we both went to college in different states.

“We found a great place that was within our budgets and I was so excited to finally be together all the time after years of working around our crazy schedules and having to travel back and forth to enjoy just a couple of days together at a time.

“But now that we’ve made the move, I’m starting to think it was a huge mistake. She’s always been a control freak, but it seems to have trebled in intensity since we moved in.

“She obsessively vacuums the couch – THE COUCH! – every day, freaks out if there’s a single sock on the floor, or a towel that isn’t hung up on the right hook, and when we both get home from work, all she wants to do is clean and tidy, or talk about bills and budgets.

“I know I can be a bit messy so I’ve really tried hard to keep our place as tidy as possible. But I don’t want to live in a show home! I want to be able to come home and kick off my shoes by the door without panicking that she’ll get annoyed.

“It’s only been three weeks, but it already feels like moving in together has killed the romance in our relationship, and I’m scared that if we keep going down this path we are going to end up as resentful roommates rather than boyfriend and girlfriend.

“Dr. Kim, what’s the best thing to do?”

— Controlled, USA

Dear Pussywhipped:

Let me tell you:  control freaks / obsessive neatniks / do-what-mommy-says types are incurable.  All that bullshit is a great big searchlight shining away from some repressed nonsense from childhood or other serious mental issues, and it’s being directed at you.

You haven’t mentioned whether your sex life is any good.  It had better be the “blow the top off your head” kind, because otherwise you need to reconsider your relationship.

Actually, forget I said that.  No sex (of whatever excitement or variety) is worth putting up with control freakery.  Because one day the desire for sex will diminish if not disappear, and all you’ll be left with is Nurse Ratched.

Just get out now.  It’s kinda sad that it took you five years of your life to find this out — and by the way I think you’re an idiot for not having seen all the warning signs long ago — but at least you’re not married yet.  If you think Miss Controller is bad now, you have no idea what awaits you on the runup to your (actually, her) wedding day.

Oh, and ignore all the bollocks that idiot Jane Green suggests, because she’s a chick and chicks think that everything can be resolved just by talking about it.  You need to know that talking to your Controller will not achieve anything.  She is not going to change, and if you try to talk to her, all that awaits you is misery and humiliation.

You didn’t say whether the apartment is in your name or hers, or jointly.  Either way, one of you has to leave.  If the apartment is in your name, it has to be her;  if in her name or jointly, pack your bags and GTFO.

Once away from this minefield, find someone more agreeable, and start to enjoy your life.  You have no idea how much more pleasant that is going to be.

—

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim,

“I have a son aged 38. He has a partner and three children. My husband and I feel as though we’ve been cut off because we haven’t seen any of them since Christmas 2019. One of his sons was born in 2021, so we haven’t even met him.

“There hasn’t been a falling out – it seems that we have just drifted into this situation. The main problem is his partner. She used to claim that we never made the effort to see them, even though we were always the ones who messaged and made plans.

“In fact they never once came to us. It always felt like we did all the running – but this wasn’t good enough for her. The longer the situation has gone on, the harder it is to see a way out.

“Our daughter and my elderly father have also heard nothing from our son. He has cut himself off from the whole family. But I know that as soon as someone dies he will want his share of any inheritance.

“Dr. Kim, I’m at a loss as to what to do.”

 — Cut Loose

Dear Loose:

It sounds very much like you’ve come across the dreaded “Poontang Over Parents” situation.  In these situations, it’s often a terrible thing when your son chooses the former option, but as much as I make light of the problem, it’s not at all a nice thing.

The part of your letter that bothers me is this:  “I know that as soon as someone dies he will want his share of any inheritance.”

Right now, you’re being stiffed from the love and joy one should expect from grandchildren — fucking hell, it’s the only upside of having your own kids in the first place — and there’s only one way to head off this little bit of avaricious spite.

Actions have consequences, and your asshole of a son (and the bitch he’s hooked up with) will need to learn this lesson ASAP.

You and your husband should prepare a joint Last Will & Testament now (I’ll explain the “now” in a moment).  In it, make sure to specify that Loving Son will get nothing, nada, bupkes  from your estate, ever, and your daughter and her family (whom you love and who loves you back) will get it all.  Be sure to explain why, in as scathing or hurt tones as you can manage (your lawyer will doubtless be able to offer good advice thereon).

Then send him a copy (with receipt signature required, to prove that he actually got it).  Don’t put a cover letter with the will;  just let the thing stand all by itself.

Yes, this may exacerbate the situation, but let’s be honest here:  how much worse can it get?

And why should you do this now?  Simply put, if you do it later, the little shit may contest the will, claiming that you and your husband were “mentally impaired by advanced age” or whatever the legal term is, so it’s in your best interests to make that a non-issue.

I am truly sorry that you are being put through this, but right now there’s not much else you can do.  Pleading with him to change his behavior will just give the Bitch Girlfriend satisfaction.

By the way, I’m accepting your assertion that their behavior is indeed unwarranted.  If it turns out that you or your husband said or did something unpleasant to the girlfriend, then you are the ones seeing the consequences of your actions.

 —