Category: Advice

Wrong Approach

Advice, Marxists, Resistance

Here’s an interesting development:

A hunting stand with a sight line to President Trump’s Air Force One exit area was found at Palm Beach airport.

FBI Director Kash Patel said the bureau is investigating the situation.

“Prior to the President’s return to West Palm Beach, USSS discovered what appeared to be an elevated hunting stand within sight line of the Air Force One landing zone,” Patel said, according to Fox News. “No individuals were located at the scene. The FBI has since taken the investigatory lead, flying in resources to collect all evidence from the scene, and deploying our cell phone analytics capabilities.”

And here’s where I would have parted ways with Kash & The Gang.

What I would have done is upon discovery of the stand is completely the opposite.  Instead of making a big splash about it, I would have kept shtum, and booby-trapped it so that if some scrote tried to use it, there would be a ‘splosion — just a small one, so as to incapacitate as opposed to dissolving said scrote into hamburger.

Of course, this action may be against some law, which just goes to show how wet and stupid our laws have become.

Computing Thoughts

Advice, Housekeeping

While waiting at not-so-Best Buy to have my hard drive backed up / wiped prior to sending my ASUS Brick Model off to be repaired, I took a little walk around the store just to look at my options should the laptop be “unrepairable” and ASUS refusing to replace it (I know, it shouldn’t be a problem to replace a piece of equipment that was purchased in January of this year, but it’s a fool who doesn’t make at least some contingencies in case of corporate bastardy).

All the laptops looked the same, had too many unnecessary features and cost too much, so I didn’t spend too much time there.

Then my eyes fell upon this creature:

It’s one of those “everything in a screen” systems, and I must admit I was drawn to it — in no small measure because of the earlier suggestion from The Reader Formerly Known As CoffeeMan that I look at a desktop PC instead of a laptop. 

While my need for portability has admittedly been reduced because I no longer travel as much as yore, I still might need to take a computer out of the house when going somewhere on vacation, for example — or needing to carry the thing out if there’s a fire in the apartment block.  Carrying a PC tower and screen out is a non-starter for all sorts of reasons, but a single screen (plus keyboard) that in extremis  could be carried in a large suitcase?  That is a distinct possibility.

Here’s the White Monster’s spec sheet:

Hmmm.  Big screen for my Aging & Failing Eyes, a properly-sized keyboard for my Fat & Fumbling Fingers, manageable size (see dimensions) and if I may be greedy for once, more computing power than I would ever need for the remainder of my existence on Planet Earth.

There’s the small matter of the dollars required, but I’d just raffle off a gun or two from my ever-dwindling stock of Second Amendment appliances.

If anyone’s had actual experience with one of these beasts, let me know in Comments, because right now it’s looking awfully attractive.

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I’m a junior executive (25), and was recently introduced to a rather pretty woman of 22 at a party.  We split off from the group, as one does, and started chatting.  About two minutes into the conversation, she started talking about her huge collection of something called ‘Labubus’.  (I had no idea what this is, and later discovered that it’s a small doll with teeth.)  Anyway, this woman’s entire conversation revolved around her collection — how much they cost, how collectible they are, the various types, and how adorable they are.

“I’m all for people having hobbies, but something seems a little off about this obsession, and I’m debating whether to follow up with this woman.

“Advice?”

— Wary Bloke In The City

Dear Wary (and a good name that is, too):

We have seen nonsense like this before, and it seems like there’s one for every generation:  Beanie Babies, Cabbage Patch dolls, and so on, which sell at outrageous prices and are subject to (calculated) shortages to drive up the value thereof.  So great was the excitement surrounding all these trinkets that people got into squabbles and fistfights over them at stores.

What has characterized all this obsessive nonsense is that the people most taken in by the craze are the same type:  they’re children, no matter what their age, and if older — say, over the age of ten — they’re likely to be stupid as well.

I’ve always told young men that if they enter the apartment / bedroom of their intended conquest and discover that the bed is covered with two dozen teddy bears, their only course of action is to run — run quickly and far away — to put as much distance as possible between you and this ghastliness.

These Labubu things very definitely fall into the teddy-bear / Cabbage Patch / Beanie Babies category.

So my advice is to blank Miss Labubu-Collector, and find someone less childish and more intelligent.  Your wariness, in this case, is definitely warranted.

—

Inside Information

Advice, Health

Here’s one for my long-suffering Lady Readers:  it turns out that engaging in a simple fitness exercise can provide you with a Big Moment.

The tingly, burning sensation traveled from the bottom of my feet up the back of my taut calves, through my thighs, into my pelvis, up my spine, on towards the crown of my head. Then as I raised myself back up onto my toes, it traveled back down my body again. My calves burned but so did other parts of my body – parts that shouldn’t be at 9.15am on a Tuesday, as I stood in my gym kit trying to increase my core strength as I trained for a half marathon. It was pain, but it was also, unmistakably, pleasure.

It was – and I apologize if you’re eating your breakfast as you read this – an orgasm.

I mean, think about it:  you can get a Big O without all that hassle of involving a partner, or touching yourself inappropriately under the desk, or messing up the bed (if you’re doing it properly, that is).

And you can even get it while doing something healthy:  a two-fer, to use retail-speak.

No need to thank me, ladies;  it’s all part of the service.

And for the rest of you:  it seems like this is a girls-only phenomenon, sorry.  You’ll just have to do what you normally do to get yours.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.

Thieves

Advice

I had to chuckle at this little piece of advice for dealing with this particular issue:

There’s even a handy-dandy little list:

It is, as they say, to laugh.

As I’ve stated so often before, seagulls don’t respond to defensive postures such as the above:  the little fuckers will sometimes attack you for fun, not just for food.  So ignore all the above, non-violent measures.

As with most animals, the best defense is attack.  Lo and behold Kim’s Ultimate Anti-Seagull Device (which I describe more fully here):

Instructions for use:  if you’re going into seagull territory — which is just about anywhere there’s a large body of water — carry one of these.  When you see one of these airborne rats approaching, wait till it’s in range, then take a full swing at it;  don’t just bat it away, you want to inflict massive pain on the fucker or else it will just come back for more.  In my experience, you’ll only have to do this twice or three times before the other airborne rats will get the message and leave you alone.  The goal is to leave the bird flailing around on the ground with broken limbs (wings, legs or neck), making an awful ruckus that will frighten others of its ilk away.

Don’t get put off by the anguished squeals of any bird-lovers in the scene because they’re irrelevant to your problem.  Just whale away at these rodents (the birds, not the bird-lovers, but be my guest).  Then relax and enjoy your snack.  When you leave the area, feel free to kick the carcasses out of the way.

Remember:  a tennis racquet is sports equipment, not a weapon.  Just remember to rinse the blood and feathers off the thing when you get home.