Letter To Alec

Here’s an interesting headline:

The sequence of events on set that led to Alec Baldwin accidentally shooting and killing cinematographer Halyna Hutchins remains unclear but there are a handful of options.

…none of which are relevant.

Look, I know that Alec Baldwin has the mental capacity of a bag of cement, so all that follows below is wasted on him.  But here are the simple rules which, had they been followed in sequence,  would have prevented Baldwin from shooting an innocent bystander.  They are universally known to us serious gun owners as “Cooper’s Rules” (after the late and much-missed Col. Jeff Cooper):

RULE I: ALL GUNS ARE ALWAYS LOADED

Had Baldwin known anything at all about guns (he clearly doesn’t), he would have checked to see whether the round loaded in the gun was live or a blank (they look completely different from each other).

RULE II: NEVER LET THE MUZZLE COVER ANYTHING YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO DESTROY

Had Baldwin not been a complete tit (he is), he would also have made sure that the gun was pointed in a direction where no one was standing, or else told whoever was standing in front of him to get out of the line of fire, even if he had made sure the gun was loaded only with a blank.

Cooper’s last two rules are not relevant to this tragic story, but nevertheless, here they are:

RULE III: KEEP YOUR FINGER OFF THE TRIGGER UNTIL YOUR SIGHTS ARE ON THE TARGET

RULE IV: BE SURE OF YOUR TARGET

And that’s all that need be said.

Nothing Wrong

Quite a rumpus has ensued following this man’s gentle reminder that private property is, in fact, private:

A homeowner has divided opinion by coming up with a unique method to stop people taking a shortcut across his front lawn.
CCTV footage posted on TikTok shows several people getting soaked by an automatic sprinkler if they get too close to the man’s house.

At the heart of all of this is the extended form of socialism which gives people the “right” to disregard someone else’s property rights just because it’s a “shortcut” (i.e. they being too lazy to walk an extra few yards along the sidewalk).

And if a mild soaking seems outrageous, consider anti-personnel mines, which ia what I might have considered in his situation.

Well Deserved

I have always loved Michael Caine’s acting work — whether his debut starring performance in Zulu, followed by Alfie, Educating Rita, Get Carter, and of course the exquisite Second Hand Lions, among countless others.

In fact, Caine has been one of the hardest-working actors of his, or any, generation — his first appearance on screen was in 1946 — so if Sir Michael has decided to pack it in at the ripe old age of 88, then good for him, say I.

What I always liked about Michael Caine was that he never forgot his roots — growing up in absolute poverty in London’s East End, he remained rooted in reality and unlike so many others, he never let the Hollywood bug get its claws into him.

I think I have more than a few of his movies in my DVD collection — ah, I see Zulu, Harry Brown, Pulp and Little Voice., not to mention appearances in A Bridge Too Far and Battle of Britain... choices, choices, choices.

Inexplicable

Over There across the Pond, some people are getting all pissed off because a 300-year-old “shock jock” — apparently the Brit equivalent of Howard Stern [who?] — had the temerity to refer to TV Chef Gordon Ramsey’s plump young daughter, as she was competing in the ghastly “Dancing With Someone Or Other” Brit TV show, as “a chubby little thing”.  Here she is in the show, for reference:

Needless to say, all Steve Allen’s LGBTOSTFU co-workers are in a tizzy and want the man fired.

And as if that weren’t enough, some other fatties [not part of the show]  are testing the suspension system of the bandwagon by jumping on it, most notably this land whale:

…who invited Allen to “kiss her big juicy arse“.  (He won’t, of course, because he’d disappear in those vast wastelands quicker than Scott of the Antarctic.)

And all for telling the unvarnished truth.