5 Worst People In The News

…or, add this to the list of people I don’t want to see in the media, ever again, unless in an obituary.  The list isn’t ranked, for once, because I can’t decide which is actually the worst.

  • Mitt Romney, whose current disloyalty to his party makes me almost glad he lost to Obama
  • big-city Democrat mayors — no point in trying to rank them, they’re all equally dreadful
  • big-mouth Hollywood types (Alec Baldwin, Bette Midler, Alyssa Milano etc.)
  • Hillary Clinton;  you lost, you’re irrelevant and most people want you either dead or in prison orange
  • Johnny Depp and Amber Heard — you’re both as crazy as a sackful of cats tossed in a swimming pool, and if it were possible for both of you to lose, that’s how I’d vote.  Or I’d put the two of you in a weighted sack together and toss you into a swimming pool, come to think of it.

5 Worst Things About The Coronavirus

Ranked in order of foulness:

  • Australian F1 Grand Prix canceled
  • Makes barroom seduction even more difficult than it already is
  • Hasn’t killed off enough Communists yet
  • Just another opportunity for the media to create panic
  • Chances of ever nailing Monica Bellucci officially now less than zero

Your suggestions for inclusions in Comments.

5 Worst Things About The Corona Virus

  • All those exotic “Chinese Bat Stew” frozen dinners in your freezer will have to be thrown away
  • Your new Huawei phone has been renamed “Typhoid Mary” in the catalog
  • Far fewer cheap and trashy options in the Clothing section at Walmart
  • “Visit Chinatown” has to be taken off your bucket list
  • Severely limits your choices in the “buy a foreign wife” market

Your suggestions in Comments.

5 Worst Things About Valentine’s Day

Welcome to the first major Hallmark Holiday of the year. Here are the five worst:

  • Soppy fucking movies on TV and cutesy fucking teddy bears (are we still five years old?) everywhere you look
  • Hay fever from all the fucking roses in the drugstore
  • This bullshit in the newspapers:
  • All those articles in women’s magazines about how single women are traumatized by not having a date tonight
  • Knowing that it’s the one day of the year you have to buy her flowers / candy / a romantic dinner simply to get what you can get any other night of the year just by feeding her a couple wine coolers.

Your pet peeves about ValDay in Comments.

5 Worst Things About The Impeachment Trial

Ranked in order of heinousness:

  • No pole dancing allowed in the Senate chamber
  • When the Senate tosses this shit out on its ass, the screaming from hair-on-fire Leftists will be so loud and shrill that dogs will have to wear hearing protection
  • Schiff and Nadler won’t be publicly hanged in the Rotunda when Trump is cleared
  • Nor will Nancy Pelosi
  • The Democrat Socialist Electoral Clown Show will once again dominate the news cycle

Your candidates for this topic, in Comments.