News Roundup

Sponsored by:

So let’s bleed the News Lizard:


the worst part is that it’s only “most” and not “every single last”.


...errrr climate changeLizzo dance routine during concert?  I’m trying my best here.


...that’s because she IS a scapegoat, and she’s keeping shtum so the Clintons won’t murder her.


...is there ever a WRONG time for rum?


...nice building;  shame about the food.


...am I the only one who thinks managers should lock the office doors and let the fuckers freeze?


...there are a bunch of Democrats taking notes right now.


...French chefs have collective orgasm.  Also:  Australia, where the toads eat bugs.  VW Bugs.


...as Hitler’s ghost sez:  “Huh?”


...keyword:  Massachusetts.  In any Southern state, he’d be in the “dangling” line.


...what if, like most non-Californians, you only have one?

And in multicolored, unlinked INSIGNIFICA:

     
...no news, however, on whether a familial foursome was involved.

Finally, some weird interesting news:

I know, I know:  she’s several pasta meals short of perfection.  But then again, look who she’s married to — the World’s Skinniest Ex-Footballer, Peter Crouch:

So much for the news, then.

News Roundup

Brought to you by:

…the miracle lubricant of politics.  And speaking of shit-heads:


with respect to the Divine Sarah, Jackson Lee has never read anything, because she is at best illiterate.  As always, the Clown Princess of Congress reminds us that she is still the dumbest politician ever elected (and reelected, and reelected, and reelected because Houston).


...she hasn’t been elected to anything, thankfully, but this dumbass could give Sheila Jackson Lee a run for her money.


...I’m putting my trust in a fresh pandemic of untreatable and deadly venereal disease.


...so that “One Child” thing really worked for you Commie assholes, huh?


...no, the barky little shit gave up acting because nobody wanted to give him any more work.


...that’s an easy one:  while they’re bonking a coworker on the boss’s desk.


...find them, flog them, then hang them.


...and same for this little shit.


...isn’t it a little late to be finding all this out, Gammy Madge?


...that battery-acid taste being such an essential element of Coke’s flavor.


...forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown New Mexico.

Which brings us to INSIGNIFICA:

         

And in the ever-popular Paige Three Dept.:


...I have no words.

And that’s all the news I can stomach [sic].

News Roundup

Sponsored by:

And the filler [sic] :

...finally, some LEOs with balls enough to rage against the machine.


...I’d bet serious $$$ that their (much-reduced) wealth was inherited.


...perhaps because he was a genius, stabbed his wife and thought women were intellectually inferior?  Or maybe just because he was famous, and fame is like catnip to women, as are bad boys.

Remember this asshole?

Well, lookee here:


...quelle surprise.


...”Groomer Guides” rolls off the tongue so much better anyway.


...good.  The mom shouldn’t be punished for protecting her child, and the little thug should carry a scar, just as a lifetime reminder not to be an asshole.  And then you have stuff like this:


...where the little thug needs a sound daily whipping for the duration of his prison term.


...forgive me, but I no longer give a flying fuck how much the NY government tortures its citizens.  You vote for ’em, you deal with the whippings.  Ditto California.


...and left me laughing my ass off.

On the topic of people being offended over nothing:


...cue the wails from outraged feministicals in 3…2…1…


...sadly, not in a body bag.


...with marksmanship like that, you’d almost think the NYPD was involved.

 
...and now you know yet another reason (aside from anal sex play) why pineapples can be dangerous.

And in a lengthy but still link-free INSIGNIFICA:

   


...easy to say (and do) when you look more like this than you do like Hillary Clinton:

Immediately post-pregnancy:

 

Since the two-bonks-per-day regimen:

…and that’s the news.