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Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
“Dear Dr. Kim”
“Dear Dr. Kim,
“My boyfriend and I have been together for many years, and we have various routines around the house which make life predictable, and we like it that way. (Some might call it ‘boring’, but horses for courses, right?)
“These ‘routines’ even extend to the bedroom, and we have a very satisfactory sex life.
“However, recently my boyfriend asked if instead of our normal low lighting or darkness, we could have all the lights on when we make love. He says he wants to see me enjoying the act.
“Well, I won’t. I have a hangup about my appearance — I admit it — and I don’t think I could handle having him watch me flop around the bed. He disagrees, saying that after all this time together, he knows what I look like, thinks I look fine, and it would be a departure from our usual routine.
“When I continued to refuse, he even said that this might be a ‘deal breaker’ in our sex life.
“I understand all that, but I really really don’t want to do it in bright lighting. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t enjoy sex that way, and it might turn me off altogether. That wouldn’t be good for our relationship, then.
“Dr. Kim, what am I to do?”
Dear Shy:
Firstly, there’s no need to be embarrassed about your preference for sex in darkness or low light. Darkness or dim lighting has always been a mood enhancer, especially for those people who don’t look like Salma Hayek, or Brad Pitt for that matter.
Secondly, your boyfriend is a total shit for saying that this might be a deal breaker: is he going to stop having sex just because you don’t want to go along with him?
However, his shittiness doesn’t end there.
Dr. Kim’s Tenth Law of Sex says: “If a man suddenly wants to shag under bright light, there’s a 90% chance that there’s going to be a video camera involved.” So if you think you’d be embarrassed by having sex in bright light, imagine your embarrassment when re-watching the fun and games on your TV later, perhaps on many occasions. Expect your embarrassment to grow exponentially when your would-be Quentin Tarantino shares the video with his mates or with everyone in the world via the Internet.
I think your long-term relationship is going to have an expiration date. Make some plans accordingly.
— 
Comeback
I have to say that I’m starting to get more and more impressed by young Sydney Sweeney as time goes on — and not just for the usual reasons.
First it was that wonderful jeans commercial, and her total unconcern about the critical response. Next was the followup, which also met with disapproval, and her “don’t give a damn” response.
Then came that infamous interview with some feministical harpy, which gave birth to hundreds if not thousands of memes.
Now she’s posed stark naked (well, not actually) for some sports betting commercial or other, and when the usual harpies started wailing about how she was demeaning wimmens’ sports by appearing naked, she simply responded by posting pics of several sportswomen’s naked pics from their own ad campaigns.
Gotta love the gal.
Yeah, no Sydney pics, only links. Blame the lawyers.
Monday Funnies
From the Classics Department:
And on we go, after a quick commercial break:
Now off you go, and make your own wishes come true. Me, I’m off to the range.
News Summary
...let’s hear it for the Serbs: classy as always.
...next thing you know, he’ll be wanting to exclude them from voting, the racist bastard.
...like anyone should care what this self-aggrandizing little turd does with his worthless life.
...can’t imagine why anyone would be fixated on this ghastly woman, but there’s no accounting for taste, is there?
...I think they just got lazy and re-published their warning from the 1970s.
...it’s always good to have a priceless historical artifact reduced to an exercise in cock counting. Next up: a count of “going in unto” (i.e. shagging) mentions in the Old Testament.
...wave goodbye to that little revenue stream, BritGov. I’m just surprised it took him so long to say so long.
...let’s face it, the man is a god.
...probably easier than just deporting all Muslims, but it’s their party after all.
...I would be extremely surprised if the combined IQs of these two debaters rose as high as 60.
...as always, the old “putting the merchandise in the window” saying comes to mind. However, let’s examine the evidence:
And not all the weight gain went to her superstructure, either:
I should point out that this totty’s latest album is entitled Dirty Blonde, which seems about right.
And that’s the news.
Caption Competition #461
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