Humor – Page 229 – Splendid Isolation

News Roundup

November 4, 2021 Kim du Toit Bad News

All the news that’s unfit for anything except derisive laughter.

…supply, meet demand.

…which means that Ice-T was wearing whiteface? I’m offended.

…

…just wasn’t his year, was it? Bad decisions, one after another.

…Man U fans being renowned for their own good behavior and manners.

…looks like you can go “full evil”. And as for the cops, they went “full incompetent” for thirty years.

…let’s hear it (again) for a nationalized health service.

…hey, I was just about to say that to her.

…am I the only one who isn’t shocked by either of the above?

And now, INSIGNIFICA:

…to be honest, all that means is that she’s not infertile.

Finally:

…and who has never wanted to do that? As for Miss Alessandra:

And no, I had no idea who she was before this, either. Model, or something.

Gold-Plated Invective

November 3, 2021 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff, Music

From Ishmael, snarling away from his lair in the Shetlands:

I was up all night, between here and watching the telly. It was a wee small hours, musical interlude, on Channel Four, firstly a film of Liam Gallagher’s new ensemble, Beardy Eye, playing their new album in the Abbey Road studios. Liam is the truly neanderthal, younger brother from Oasis, a thick, grunting Manchester-Irish fuckpig, dumb as shit, you can hear the wind whistling between his ears, if he was any more stupid he’d have to be watered twice a week; makes Manchester United’s Wayne Potato look like a full Mensa meeting, does Liam. Nothing wrong with stupid. There’s lots of people like Liam, their oil just doesn’t reach the dipstick. He’s not as stupid as he looks, mind, because he looks like he was beaten with the Ugly stick and then ate it, ugly as fucking sin, is Liam Gallagher, ugly as a hatfull of arseholes; if your dog had a face like Liam’s, you’d shave its arse and teach it to walk backwards. Stupid, ugly and nasty, that’s Liam Gallagher, a truculent moron, charmless, graceless and entirely without discernible musical talent, a sign, in fact, of Ruin’s corrosion.

Now that’s scorn and dislike for you. And it gets worse…

Selling Air

November 2, 2021 Kim du Toit Marketing / Advertising

I remember my dad’s quizzical look when he first learned that water was being sold in bottles. “Selling water? Why don’t they sell air with it?” was the printable part of his response, (Yeah, I know, apples, trees… whatever.)

I confess to having pretty much the same reaction when Combat Controller pointed me at this latest example of foolishness:

Now I have to confess that I thought that this was a spoof / satirical website, and actually refused to believe my friend’s statement that this was, in fact, a bone fide “product” and not some gag to be played on the gullible. Or a piece of Harry Potter merchandise.

However, Doggery’s “craft ice” is being sold in stores, and CC sent me photographic proof thereof.

JHC.

There are two schools of thought on this kind of thing. The first is that of people like Combat Controller, who suggests that we as a nation are so prosperous that we can afford to sell stuff like this, and find a market for it.

I, however, see this as some kind of portent, similar to those things and events which may have appeared a couple of years before the Roman Empire collapsed into ruins.

On the other hand, my dad thought the same about bottled water, and here we still are, lo these many years later.

Your thoughts in Comments.

News Roundup

November 1, 2021 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

Few links today because not many of them are worth it.

…Biden claims to have an alibi.

…okay, I may have edited this one slightly.

…fuck me, they’re smuggling in Canadians now?

…because they’ve solved all other crimes in the area, you see, and they have nothing better to do.

…as the Great Cultural-Mingling Experiment continues.

…and instead of firing these little shits, the Millennial bosses are caving. I don’t know which group to despise more.

…in our continuing game of “guess the ethnicity of the shooter”, one Keuntae McElroy, 21.

…

…I’m sorry, I can’t type any more because my huge Schadenboner is getting on the way.

Thus, INSIGNIFICA:

And just to show that Halloween has a little upside:

If all that doesn’t scare you off to work, nothing will. Although, that said, we’ll always have the classy Charlotte Hawkins and Susannah Reid:

Monday Funnies

November 1, 2021 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

Ah yes…

So here we go, trying to get off the horns, and what better way to start than to utter these heartfelt words:

And speaking of drinking, this is an actual headline from a newspaper…

…YA THANK ????????

News Roundup

October 29, 2021 Kim du Toit Bad News

Oy… the news has been particularly awful over the past few days. Except for this snippet:

…which is newsworthy only because of its unexpectedness.

But the rest has been the customary shit show.

…not to brag, but my Butterball is already in the freezer, on the advice of some old contacts in the supermarket business. Do ye all likewise.

…the really awful thing is that Mummy Dearest hadn’t taught him how to spell his name before he started school.

From the Heart Of Stone Department:

…and on his way to court, even, thus saving us all the cost of the formality trial.

…what was the middle bit, again?

From the annals of WTF SEX?

…it should be noted that the boys’ parents also need a good talking-to.

…I would suggest that the old goat be tied to a chair so that he can be beaten to death by the townspeople, but someone is no doubt going to have a problem with this.