Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
News Roundup
Could the news possibly be any worse, I ask? I report; you decide.
...given some of the rulings I’ve seen recently, I think they’ve been doing that for years. Key word: Britishland. Also, see next item:
...’nuff said.
From the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© News:
...subject to the delays caused by the usual EPA “checks”, by which time everyone in the state will have died of cold already. And: Illinois?
In Business Medicine News:
...more like YAY! YAY! YAY! but whatever.
From the Department of Corrections:
...giving a whole new meaning to the term “prison screw”.
...must have found Epstein’s client list. Also:
And in the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:
…
...just execute the little bitch and make her a martyr for Allah.
And speaking of martyrs:
...I guess Jahweh is mightier than Allah? We atheists get confused.
In Lawn Order News:
...as well they should. But I was told there would be landmines...
...key word: Oregon.
...better late than never. Keyword: Scotland.
And in Election News:
...and pretty much every year. Key name: Wrong Way McDaniel.
In other Entertainment News:
...faked it that long, eh? Good practice for when you’re married.
...we all knew that, hun.
In the blessedly-link-free INSIGNIFICA:
...okay, I’ve always had the hots for this little ginger shrimp, even though a) Australian and b) terrible taste in husbands.
And that’s all the news fit to worry about.
Monday Funnies
So let’s start with a little meditation:
And someone who still plays Zeppelin music, Gretchen Menn:
[fade to black]
3 Worst Christmas Presents
…either to give, or to get. First, the pricey ones:
- One-way air ticket to New York City
- Toyota Prius (with 50,000 miles on the clock)
- Free weekend at the downtown Seattle Holiday Inn
Next, the “Well-Meaning But Still Crap” ones:
- Gas station pocket knife
- Cheap Chinese-made car tool set
- Box of corrosive Warsaw Pact-era mil-surp rifle ammo
Then the cheap-ass ones:
- $5 gift card for Domino’s Pizza
- scented candle
- coffee mug with some shit like “World’s Best [whatever]” printed on it
Your suggestions in Comments.
News Roundup
(Ad may have been slightly edited to bring it up to date, because nobody wants a Buick anymore…)
Some news you may not have been aware of:
...not to mention that 75,000-mile “new battery” cost.
...wait, what?
...okay, that’s more like it.
From the Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© Dept.:
...you know, there are times when I think we can learn a lot from the French.
In Entertainment News:
...007(a) and 007(b)?
From the Glueball Jewhate News Desk:
...but if I were to do the same outside some mosque shouting “Drown Gaza City!” the response would be a lot swifter, and more severe.
And a “new” development in the Great Cultural Assimilation Program:
...no doubt, on his third or fourth illegal entry into the U.S. via our “secure” border.
In Election News:
...”and that’s only if she campaigns topless from now on”.
And in International News:
...”because we terrorists have to stick together, right?”
In Animal News:
...is it too much to hope that it was a Birkenstock?
And in INSIGNIFICA:
...the ducal dildo?
…
Finally, in somewhat-more-palatable Showbiz News:
...just so you all know what the poor man had to deal with, here she is:
Looking a little more perverse, so to speak:
And still not bad, even though a (fake) blonde:
The line to be her next co-star forms over here, behind me.
Caption Competition #310
Your suggestions in Comments.