Stuff that makes me laugh
In ascending order of awfulness:
Your own suggestions in Comments. And no looking in your wife’s purse, either.
Or, if you’re of a more “modern” frame of mind:
I believe most gun stores will be open today.
And if you still can’t think of what to buy for yer Missus, take a tip from history:
She’ll love you forever.
Ranked in ascending order of awfulness:
Your own suggestions in Comments. Bonus points if you’ve ever actually received any of them.
For men or women:
Your suggestions in Comments. Extra points if it’s a place where you actually had sex for the first time.
So not only can sex make you blind, the Daily Mail reports, it can make you deaf as well — or worse:
[B]lindness isn’t the only terrible injury Cupid can inflict. The medical world has recorded a catalogue of romance-related catastrophes that can leave ardent lovers deaf, paralysed, clinically depressed — or even dead.
My favorite of all the woes listed in the article is “lover’s knee”.
Arthritis specialist Dr Robert S. Pinals, of Rutgers University in the U.S., was searching desperately for a cause when he asked his patient about her bedroom habits. ‘Always on my knees,’ she replied.
The patient and her partner had first tried the position a year previously and liked it so much they subsequently indulged ‘several times a day… often on a hard surface,’ reported Dr Pinals.
‘Abandonment of this position was recommended. With some reluctance the patient agreed,’ he reports. ‘Two months later, she said the knee pain had almost completely disappeared.’
I once suffered from massive rug burns after a romp on a bearskin rug, and when we transferred our activities to the bed, the next morning the sheets looked as though I’d slaughtered a small animal in there. [Pro tip: doing it on a bear skin is one of those things, like beach sex, where the concept is far more romantic than the reality. Bear fur is coarse and scratchy. Stick to cotton sheets.]
Of course, sometimes rug burns are a necessary evil:
Of course, that’s not a politically-correct image these days, is it? (Which is why I posted it, duh.)
Ranked in ascending order of awfulness;
Your suggestions in Comments, as usual.
