Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

The Real Bridget

Drive Time

In yesterday’s Comments, Reader Darwin pointed me to his “review” of the Bridget, revealing an unashamedly-retro yearning for sports-car driving of yore. And I’m in full agreement therewith.

Of course, somebody already made the Bridget: it’s called the Caterham 7 Sprint, and I want one so badly my toes are twitching:

Read both linked articles, if you want to know what kind of car man I am.

My only gripe with the Caterham (and for that matter, the Bridget too) is that once seated therein, one’s ass would be mere inches off the ground. That means, in my case anyway, the assistance of one of these to get me out of the damn thing:

Other than that, I’d already have one of the Sprints. Or the Bridget. Or, if Honda ever decided to restart production, the S600 (which the Bridget resembles, according to Reader Darwin), or… don’t get me started.

Getting Cold

Business, Sports

Apparently, some courtside models are moaning about wearing skimpy outfits in cold weather. Predictably, the Gummint is right on it:

After complaints that models at the Barcelona Open in April were forced to wear uniforms that were a hazard to their health, multiple fines of more than $38,000 have been handed out by the Catalonia’s regional Work Inspectorate, the Spanish workplace-relations watchdog. Models from the Tote Vignau agency registered an official complaint against the agency and major sponsor Schweppes after they were forced to brave cold temperatures in the skimpy uniforms that did not protect them properly from the elements when the temperatures dropped below 50 degrees.

I don’t want to sound too callous about this, but without the sponsors, the chicas wouldn’t have had this job at all. From my time in the advertising- and promotion business, you do what the sponsor tells you to do, period, end of story.

That said, however, the promotion planners of this event need to get their botties spanked because the nature of planning means that you make contingencies for… oh I don’t know, say, the weather? 

Clearly, the tennis promoters need to take a lesson from Formula One and MotoGP, who always make sure their sponsors’ models are dressed appropriately for the weather. And for educational purposes only, allow me to illustrate what I’m talking about:

…and note the presence of brollies in the next pic, to protect the young ladies from the rain or harsh sunlight:

Now that’s what I call considerate. (Incidentally, I want one of those Alfa Romeo brollies really badly.)

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Doctor Kim,
Is it OK to use a coupon when I take my girlfriend on a date? What about taking home leftovers?”
— Wondering in the West

Dear Blundering:
I suspect that you’re nervous about being called a cheapskate, but never fear: I have several ways through this minefield.

The only ironclad rule about coupons is: never ever use a coupon on a first date. I shouldn’t have to explain this.
On other occasions, however, whether or not to use restaurant coupons depends on a few factors.
1.) What restaurant are we talking about? If it’s McDonald’s or similar dreck, who cares? (The question in this case is: what kind of man takes his girlfriend to a hellhole like that in the first place?) If it’s Morton’s or Lawry’s, however, she should appreciate being taken there at all, so use that coupon at will.
2.) At what stage are you in terms of your relationship? If it’s still in its first bloom, you may want to hold onto the coupon for a while — once you’re settled, she won’t mind because (and I can hear the feministicals wailing already) less money spent at the restaurant means more money to be spent on her.
The only thing you have to avoid is not going to any restaurant on a date unless you have a coupon — it’s the infallible mark of a terminal cheapskate, and unless your girlfriend is of a similar bent, stand by for trouble.

As for leftovers: it depends completely on the food, the portion sizes, or whose food it is.
1.) No grown human being should take home leftover fast food, of any description.
2.) If the portion sizes are of New Jersey Diner Quantity (i.e. beyond the ability of anyone not Jewish or Italian to finish in a single sitting), then go ahead: there’s no shame in it.
3.) And regardless of portion size, if it’s her food we’re talking about and she wasn’t able to finish it but enjoyed it immensely, offering to take it home is going to be well received.

By the way: attempting to take home leftovers from an all-you-can-eat buffet joint should be punishable by scourging. There are limits.

–Dr. Kim

5 Worst Things To Discover On A First Date

Friday Feature, The Worst

Ranked in ascending order of awfulness, as always:

For men:

  • She hates guns
  • She worked on Hillary Clinton’s campaign in 2016
  • She’s a militant vegan
  • She has a really fun story about how she acquired her latest(!!) tattoo
  • She owns four cats

(If she checks all five boxes, you may have to kill yourself just to escape the date.)

For women:

  • He still lives with mommy
  • He’s a Muslim
  • He hates guns
  • He thinks Trump is literally worse than Hitler
  • He has to leave the date early to go to an antifa rally

Your own contributions in Comments. Bonus points if you’ve ever discovered these things on an actual first date.