Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

News Roundup

Lies and Untruths

Wherein I comment on news items not worthy of their own post.  This episode:  sexy stuff.

1)  Sex doesn’t have to hurt — but where’s the fun in that?

2)  Friction Burns — as I keep reminding women:  pubic hair has an actual purpose (as a dry lubricant), so shaving yer pubes is eventually going to cause trouble.  Now “science” proves me right.

3)  Dick Enhancements Don’t — just about anyone with an IQ over 50 could have told you that;  but no, we needed “science” to prove it.  (And a piece of caustic advice for any man who gets criticized for his ummmm shortcomings:  tell her it’s not that your dick’s too small, it’s that her box is bigger than the Lincoln Tunnel.  Instant neuroses, guaranteed.)

4)  Russkis need help with sex — I would have thought they had that pretty much under control, considering that the phrase “like a Moscow street whore” has entered the popular vernacular.  On the other hand, it may just be the older, Soviet-era women who have the problem:

…in which case, gawd help us all.

News Roundup

Bad News

— Scientists find traces of cocaine in freshwater shrimp — so everybody panic:  we’re all gonna DIIIIEEEEEEEE!   I wonder where they sampled the freshwater shrimp;  from the Orinoco River in Colombia? [warning: contains Enya]

— Piss off, tourists! — Amsterdam has finally had enough (as bemoaned on this website some time ago).  Bugger.

— “We’re not going to tell you how to live” — If only they weren’t such boring socialists with shitty gun laws, I’d live there.

— Socialists Go Ultra-Crazy On Gun Confiscation — Fuck off, Spartacus.  And take all your socialist control-freak buddies with you.  Or:  keep it up and watch Trump win 40 states in 2020.

— All over the world, everybody hates their gummint — Don’t even bother asking the Venezuelans.  The Chinese would be the same, except that if they admit it, they get shot.  By their gummint.

Surprisingly Unmoved

Bad News

Talk about a tease.  The headline for this article started off quite promisingly, with:

Killer 1,000ft wide asteroid wipes out New York

…only to be spoiled by the rest:

…as ‘planetary defence’ scientists fail to save Earth by deflecting it in simulation of terrifying Armageddon scenario

Well, shit.  There for a moment I was envisioning a future without the New York Times, and let me tell you, it was a warm, wonderful place.

On those lines:  couldn’t it just be a smaller asteroid, one that takes out only the 41st St block between 7th and 8th?

Feel free to add your  least-favorite NYFC blocks, in Comments.

Not Sustainable

Funny Stuff

Apparently, there was a new thing at Coachella this year, whereby young sluts whores women walked around with only glitter to cover their superstructure:

 

I note that among this be-glittered set, there was a certain (shall we say) volumetric uniformity  amongst them.  Ditto age, whereby Mother Nature and Father Gravity have not yet exerted their joint influence upon such superstructures.

Which is why this fad can only be temporary.  Imagine the tonnage of glitter required for someone not similarly structured Read more

News Roundup

Good Stuff

Wherein I summarize the news of the recent past.  (Warning:  I’m in an irreverent mood today…)

1) TV presenter gives up booze — and becomes the world’s most boring woman.  (Caution:  link contains Piers Morgan.)

2) Gang-rape victim reports crime, gets raped again by a cop — guess it just wasn’t her day, was it?  (Come on:  it happened in Pakistan, that bastion of civilization where all women are revered.)

3) Dallas gang beats up trannie — guess the race of the attackers… nope, ’twasn’t Muzzies; not this time, anyway.

4) Notre Dame Cathedral destroyed by fire — I guess the BVM was busy doing something else at the time, huh?  (I warned ya.)

5) Rich farts in CT can’t sell their houses at inflated prices — ‘cos all the would-be buyers have fled to low-tax states already.

6) Naked stabber killed by security guard — wait, McDonald’s has security guards now?  Oh yeah… southern California.  Never mind.  And finally, from the Department of Good News:

7) Hollywood sees revenues plummet — see pic above.