Stuff that makes me laugh
Funniest news item of the day:
“Migrant neighbourhoods in France have risen to the challenge of the Coronavirus crisis by rioting and looting supermarkets.”
“A shipment of [six million] face masks, ordered by Germany to protect health workers battling the ongoing coronavirus outbreak, has mysteriously vanished in Kenya. It remains unclear whether the batch was stolen or simply misplaced.”
I’ll take “stolen” for $400, Alex. Africa wins again.
“Dear Dr. Kim.
“I’m so worried about getting the coronavirus. What can I do?”
— Paranoid, Chicago
Dear Para:
Do all the stuff that people have been telling you to do: wash your hands thoroughly and often, cover your mouth when you cough and sneeze, wear a face mask if you’re forced to be in close contact with other people, and don’t touch steel surfaces like handrails without cleaning your hands immediately afterwards.
Oh, and shoot all Chinese people on sight.
— Dr. Kim
From a buddy: 
On a related note, I see that pharmacies are reporting that as more and more people are self-isolating, sales of hair dye are going through the roof: proof that some among us have their priorities perfectly straight. (Question: if you’re immured in your house, who the fuck is going to see you anyway?) Some people are too stupid, or vain, to exist.
In other news, I await with interest the headlines which will finally attest to the fact that public schools are not educational institutions but really just State-provided daycare:
Suburban mothers go batshit crazy at having to look after the kiddies 24/7; start drinking Bloody Marys nonstop from 6.30am
or
Mother stabs teenage son to death after 45th time in a week that he leaves the toilet seat up
or
Mother tells kids to “do whatever the fuck you want” after trying to homeschool them for four whole days
Your suggestions in Comments.
All the non-coronavirus news that’s fit to print:
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…
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…oh wait, there was some sorta-non-coronavirus news recently (links in the pics):
…rough guess, the same way they’ve always cleaned them: badly, and not often enough.
…and this despite all the efforts of the media, Hollywood and the socialists [some overlap] to bring him down.
…nice to see that in these difficult times, people still have their priorities right. Actually, the story is even funnier than that.
Okay, one coronavirus-linked news piece that, strictly speaking, isn’t about the coronavirus:
…yeah, rich Manhattanite New Yorkers are total assholes. Who knew?
And finally, some very good non-virus news:
…I always thought the blonde dye job made her look trashy, compared to her earlier “natural” look:
A good note to end on, I think.
As Week 2 of self-isolation begins, we go Full Absurd:
And stuff like this happens when you have to endure self-isolation:
…and the offending article:
and from Britishland:
Ground Zero:
Now, a test:
Question: If you had a choice from whom you’d rather contract coronavirus sickness after six hours of bed-bending sex, which of the following potential partners would you choose?
Okay okay okay… that was just a sample set of choices. Here are the REAL choices:
Option #1 (Classy):
Option#2 (Home Girl):
Option#3 (MILFY):
Option #4 (Cutie-Pie):
Hint: there are no wrong answers. However, if your final choice is from the Sample set of pics, go and stand in the corner with the “Pervo” hat on.
From Insty:
There’s another way to have sex? Who knew?
I always said sex is better from behind paper bags… but then again, I’m just old-fashioned about this kind of thing.
…collar and tie optional after the first date, of course.