Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

News Roundup

Bad News

Pithy, like a golden shower*.  Now to the not-news:


…gotta say, if I’m ever called for an in-home video interview, the background will be Wall-O’-Rifles, you betcha.

…which lasted about 45 seconds… 


…yeah great, like the awards show wasn’t long enough or boring enough;  now we’ll have to sit through the awards for Best Woke Documentary By A Tranny Director.  I say “we”, although I’m unlikely ever to watch the stupid Academy Awards show unless they institute hanging for the losers.


…ya thank?

…errrr Black people don’t care about Black lives that much (e.g. Chicago and Baltimore murder statistics), so why should we?


…although that was back when the Grauniad was still called the “Manchester Guardian” and was located in the middle of about a hundred cotton mills.


…yeah, that’ll help the spectators pick out one darkie / disaffected Eurotrash footballer from another during a match played in an empty stadium.


…this, after National Guardsmen found pieces of glass in their pizza at a Washington D.C. restaurant  Repeat after me:  “Hanging is too good for some.”

And finally, some good news:

Rand Paul Proposes Legislation
To Outlaw No-Knock Warrants
…and about damn time, too.  Next, let’s add the death penalty for when cops shoot some innocent guy while storming the wrong address.

*Faked y’all out,didn’t I?

 

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Here we are, at OMG It’s Fucking Monday Already:

So to brighten things up, a little humor:


And speaking of impregnation, a little pictorial motivation to get you wanking  working:

Just be careful out there:

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim,
“Last week I was out for my daily 5-mile walk when some woman shouted at me for not wearing a face mask.  Some background:  it’s not a crowded place — in fact, most days I don’t see anyone at all out there — so I really don’t see what the fuss is all about.  My question:  what’s the proper response when someone scolds me for not wearing a mask?  Should I apologize, or just say nothing and move on?”
— Ashamed, Oregon

Dear Shameful,

You have two problems here;  one is low self-esteem, and the other is aimlessness.  In the first case, the proper response to one of these Karens is to shout “FUCK YOU!” back at them, as loudly as you possibly can.  If they respond, or start getting silly about it, then shout, “I’m so glad you’re wearing a mask, because I bet you’re fucking UGLY underneath that thing.”  Then, as a last resort, pepper-spray them in the face if they get close to you in an aggressive manner.

As for your other problem:  what the fuck are you doing walking around with no destination in mind?  Just so you know:  a five-mile walk to a decent pub is fine — a little excessive, maybe, but if the pub is good enough, worth the sacrifice.  Ditto, a five-mile stalk while hunting is also permissible because there’s a chance of a dead animal at the end of it — but a five-mile walk just for the sake of walking is a total waste of time and for that, you should be ashamed of yourself.  If you really have to walk that far but don’t drink [shudder] or it’s not hunting season, then take up golf.  Ordinarily, I don’t recommend golf to anyone because, well, golf;  but yours is an extreme case — and  I guarantee you:  nobody you meet on the golf course is going to scold you for not wearing a mask.

Quote Of The Day

Literature, QOTD

From Stephen Green:

“All hell is going to break loose when they find out that I decided to tackle Proust during the shutdown.”

Damn, now that’s a bad shutdown.  No man should ever be so reduced as to having to read Marcel Proust.

Clearly, the VodkaPundit ran out of vodka during his isolation.

Mail Offer

Funny Stuff, The Gun Thing

This arrived in my Inbox over the weekend:

Because nothing says “Responsible Gun Ownership” like guns and booze.  And nothing says “Real America” like trying to bribe me with cheap Made-In-China tat.

That said, if the NRA idiots had a Gin Club…

…I still wouldn’t renew my membership.