1. Her: It’s been so long since I’ve had a man, I guess I have to wait a little longer though.

    Him: Her breath smells like my dog’s asshole.

    When you know you’ve reached the deepest pit in Pornhub

  2. In praying mantises, around 25 percent of all sexual encounters result in the death of the male. The female typically begins by grasping and biting off her partner’s head, and she works down from there. Incredibly, this comprises about 63 percent of the female’s diet during the mating season. Scientists have speculated that it’s a way for the female to record a quick meal at a critical point in her reproductive life cycle, but this claim has largely remained unproven.

  3. “Come-ere ya big lug, as soon as I glue down my dentures, I”m gonna suck your big cock off!”

  4. Psychologists note that when a man kisses a woman, in virtually all cases, he keeps his eyes open, and the woman keeps her eyes closed. This photograph documents a reversal of that situation. Psychologists are divided as to what that signifies, if anything.

  5. After wrenching her prey’s head from its body, the legendary chucumcabra admires her disgusting trophy.

  6. Although her prey’s defensive slime prevents most predators from successfully removing its head from its body, the chucumcabra activated her suction cups to secure her disgusting trophy.

    Disgusting. Trophy.

  7. Lifting her disgusting trophy, the chucumcabra noticed a significant out-of-balance situation caused by the hideous snoze on her disgusting trophy.

    Hideous. Snoze.

  8. After sucking the mouth-watering eyes from her disgusting trophy, the chucumcabra next aimed her vacuum at its hideous snoze to remove its delicious cranial fluids.

    Acquired. Taste.

  9. Known as ‘the creature with two heads’, the legendary chucumcabra delicately side-steps the mask (aka ‘face-mask’) requirements by virtue of its class status.

    Class. Status.

    [I know, I know. More tragic than funny…]

  10. Proudly pro-American — as evidenced by the flag draping it — the chucumcabra admires one of its numerous other facets.

    Thoroughly. Patriotic. My. Precious.

  11. Chuck, hold still while I use my “man hands” to squeeze your head like a big zit.

    Chuck, I love your big schnozz. I just want to take a bite out of it.

  12. …here they enact a scene from Kafka’s little know sequel to Die Verwandlung (The Metamorphosis), which deals with a romance between two dung beetles.

  13. “We are doing it! Our devotees set hundreds of forest fires in Oregon, California, and Washington the state! Our cause is glorious! Everything according to ThePlan©!”

    “We are doing it! The trucks filled with ballots are ready for our devotees to count in November! Our cause is glorious! Everything according to ThePlan©!”

    “We are doing it! Our devotees are shifting their righteous wrath from the cities to those country-bumpkins! Our cause is glorious! Everything according to ThePlan©!”

    “We are doing it! Our low-IQ under-privileged poor-impulse-control devotees aren’t under-represented any more! Our cause is glorious! Everything according to ThePlan©!”
    [a reference to the ‘polarbear knock-out’ ‘game’ perpetrated upon trusting Caucasian folks]

    a particularly fed-up LM

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