Humor – Page 243 – Splendid Isolation

News Roundup

January 11, 2021 Kim du Toit Bad News

With commentary shorter than a female hobbit.

…long on warning, short on details, e.g. how long should you abstain from that single malt? One day, two weeks, forever? (If forever, count me out: I’ll take my chances with the Chinkvirus.)

…and yet (speaking of sculptures of giant cunts) I find this less disgusting than the idea of adding Obama to Mount Rushmore.

…remind me again how wonderful modern cars are.

…and while you’re there, remind me again how much I hate the music business.

…our latest entry in the “guess the scumbag’s race” competition. Also from Chicago:

(that would be 0.35% in the blue dot, btw: 14 out of 4,018)

…with the predictable outcome. What makes this interesting is that the rozzers arrested and imprisoned the wrong people for the murders.

Veganuary and Dry January?
…oh dear, I forgot. Which reminds me, I need to slice up the biltong and get a fresh case of gin.

…even allowing for Titsy’s hyperbole, I still got a thrill running down my leg.

…which reminds me of the old bridge joke: “If you’ve got a good hand, you don’t need a partner.”

And finally…

…wait, Roller Girl is 50? OMG I’m getting really old.

Monday Funnies

January 11, 2021 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

Here we go again:

And if Mondays aren’t bad enough:

(see here for details)

…and one good thing about all this Chinkvirus madness:

Finally:

Now get outta the pool and go do something productive, like fast-draw practice.

Caption Competition #159

January 8, 2021 Kim du Toit Captions, Friday Feature

Your suggestions in Comments.

Not Responsible

January 6, 2021 Kim du Toit Crime, Men & Women

Courtesy of Britain’s ever-reliable Sun newspaper, I see the following little activity has made the news:

A MILLIONAIRE businessman who attended Prince Harry’s wedding to Meghan Markle has been charged with sex offences.

Did he prowl the streets at night, grabbing women and violently raping them in alleyways?

The dad-of-four was allegedly inappropriately physical with employees — often young women working as PAs or receptionists.

Oh, that. Well, let’s leave it to the courts to see if any of this eeevil “#MeToo” stuff actually happened, because I’m more interested in the fact that interest in this case was sparked by his attendance at Ginge and Whinge’s wedding.

Now as little time as I have for the Sussexes, I don’t think they can be held responsible for what their wedding “guests” get up to — and I emphasize the word because I have no doubt that neither the bride nor the groom actually invited Mr. Badfinger to the wedding; rather, he was invited by their respective social secretaries / courtiers because he was a successful businessman. In other words, the New Californians had nothing to do with his behavior afterwards.

I can sympathize with them, actually, because I know for a fact that after one of my weddings (shuddup), at least four (and maybe more) of my invited guests engaged in a little group sex at someone’s house after the reception. And I personally invited all of them, but I certainly cannot be held responsible for their post-festivity fun ‘n games, can I?

I blame the “open bar” for all of it, myself. I don’t know whether the accused (above) can use the same defense.

News Roundup

January 4, 2021 Kim du Toit Bad News

As always, long on snark, short on words.

…and Aldi’s “every-day-low-price” image goes down the drain.

…so if you hear a strange sound in the night, reach for that face mask, folks. Although I can’t help thinking that a mask of Nancy Pelosi‘s face might work better than an AR to frighten off burglars. And speaking of which:

…nice to see that Congress is dealing with all the important issues that concern us the most. And speaking of PelosiNews:

…earlier reports that it was Chuck Schumer’s actual head were, sadly, incorrect.

…and that’s too bad. If anyone is in dire need of a redesigned persona, it’s Billy Ray’s tarty little girl.

…and the girls’ parents in all this were… where, exactly? Not walking on the beach with their daughters, that’s for sure. As much as I want the three men castrated, I also want the parents to be flogged in the public square for letting their daughters go out, un-chaperoned, on a night renowned for drunken licentiousness.

…which has lasted too long as it is (by about three years).

…not that I’ll ever watch either of these things, but in the reign of Emperor Kim, TV shows “based on (some) reality” will be forced to carry a “Mostly Bullshit” disclaimer.

And a funny:

Monday Funnies

January 4, 2021 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

Oh yay… the first Monday of 2021. Elsewhere will be a short description of the little bits of bastardy directed at Yours Truly before the last midnight chimes of 2020, but for now, let us just contemplate the four years stretching before us.

Yeah, I know: overstretch to compare the forthcoming Democrat-Socialist presidential term to the Nazi occupation of France in 1940-1944. Let’s see how that turns out.

So to lighten the mood somewhat:

And:

And now, let’s hear it from the other side, the hippies and peaceniks:

One last flashback:

Now let’s get on with 2021… [sigh]