Tag: Humor

…which includes some actual news, this time.  I’ll let y’all decide which.

…Biden said he’d been misquoted, and clarified his earlier statement by saying “We can cure cancer by drinking water.”

…when we’ve lost the Swiss, it’s all over.

…and the nation panics.

…key word:  Houston.  In Dallas, it would have been four or five times.

…and despite its surreal headline, it’s actually a worthwhile story.

From the Dept. of the Blindingly Obvious:

…which includes vaccines for measles, smallpox, TB, you name it.

And speaking of the Third World:

…when asked for comment, African and Australian government officials just giggled like little girls.

…yeah, let’s see in ten years’ time whether her home-raised kids do better than any other nine kids picked at random who graduated from a state school.

…make it “String him up!” and I might be interested.

…and you thought your stuff was safe in the bank?  Silly rabbit.

…which used to be called “slut” and “cuckold”, back in the day.

Which leads us to some more INSIGNIFICA:

…causing neighborhood house values to plummet — not because he’s Black, but because he’s Kanye raving loony West.

…key word:  Australia.  (Ha!  you thought I was going to say “Manchester”, didn’t you?)

…and for those unfamiliar with the term (bless you), it means she’ll fuck anything or anyone.  Like we hadn’t already guessed that.

..which article is of interest to no one, except that it contains pictures of Paige Spirinac, who looks like this:

I think you all get the picture(s)…

Today’s Roundup is as long as John Holmes, so let’s get stuck in like he did.

…so in other words, just like it was before we invaded the place twenty years, thousands of American lives and a trillion dollars ago.  How nice.  And in related news:

…yeah, when we get round to compensating the families of American people mistakenly killed by our own cops raiding the wrong address, then we can talk.  So sorry to sound heartless, but fuck you.

In Election News:

…oh what the hell, why should we be the only North Americans to suffer from a shit government?

…who do they think they are?  Michigan Democrats?

…“return”?  What’s Angela Merkel, bread pudding?

…under what definition of “cowardice” does “one man attacks three cops” fall?

…why would the Magyars be listening to Romney?  Nobody in the U.S. does.

…and the results soon follow:

…nice one, Gammy.

…we all agree, except that you live in Britishland so you’re wasting your time.

…in the spirit of Anglo-American friendship, we should send FBI-has-been James Comey Over There to help out.  He’s marginally better than a stuffed donkey, although some opinions differ.

…fuck off, Boris.  The Green bullshit is only to divert attention from all your other cock-ups, and you’re not fooling anyone.  And by the way, trouble is looming:

…and wind power isn’t going to save you, you Etonian shit-for-brains. [redundancy alert]

…well, I guess that technically speaking, 2% is less than half.

…this is a “dog bites man” report.

Time for some INSIGNIFICA:

…she tricked you, not him, Toots.

…in a follow-up report, the doctor was found beaten to death by a caffeine-deprived lunatic.  And I have an alibi.

…is this a great country, or what?

Now pick two of the following that you’d invite to an airborne threesome:

A:

B:

C:

D:

E:

F:

G:

Remember:  only two.