Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Job Opening

Media Assholes

Right here in Texas:

I’m applying for the job.

Just think of my initial report descriptions:

Jesuslanders are irrationally opposed to sexualization of 3-year-olds.  Send $125,000 so I can investigate this strange mindset further by polling studies.

Inexplicably, gun ownership appears to be a big thing here.  Send $125,000 so I can build a small arsenal and see what all the fuss is about.

Texans somehow think that people should be allowed to buy medical insurance to suit their own needs and means.  (To Accounting:  Please send $10,000 to cover my recent out-of-network medical expenses.)

I have discovered that in 2018, various voting districts went 75% for Trump.  As these districts are all over the state, and Texas is apparently a bit bigger than New Jersey, please authorize an additional $145,000 in travel expenses so I can visit these distant worlds, so to speak, and investigate whether there were any voting irregularities.

Feel free to add your suggestions as to other things that the Washington Post will need me to cover.

News Roundup

Bad News

Brought to you by:

So let’s waltz into the news, such as it is.


…


…but the real bad news came when he discovered that Amazon’s cheap medical plan didn’t cover heart attacks.


…because it stopped people from smoking, right?


…


…and:


…quelle surprise.


…because MAGA rallies always end in riots, looting and burning buildings, you see.


…thus answering the old question:  “If guns are banned, can we use swords?”


…I think we’ve all had orgasms like that at least once before.  And speaking of orgasms:


…LOL, Professor Reynolds.

And as for (non-linked) INSIGNIFICA:

   


…headline should read:  “BECAUSE I drive a Ferrari, I have to shop at Aldi, etc.”

And in that vein:

Also, to be politically correct, let’s not leave out our Asian models:

…and of course, a couple of token blacks:

Here endeth the news.

No More Gilbert

Tragedy

Gilbert Gottfried, one of my all-time favorite comedians, has died aged 67 (my age ATOW), from complications caused by muscular dystrophy.

There was and is nobody more cruel and nastier than Gilbert.  Here’s one example (and is VVNSFW).

And my favorite line of his, conducting an imaginary interview of Jackie Onassis:

“So… do remember what you were doing on the day..?”

I am SO going to miss him.  R.I.P.

Bedehr Gesocht

Funny Stuff, Men & Women

Alert Reader Mike M sends me this cheerful little piece:

A Florida man is facing criminal charges for alleged “lewd, indecent and obscene acts” aboard a Boston-bound flight.

Yeah, fine, whatever, Florida Man doing strange shit, nothing to see here, move along.  Until we read the very next sentence:

Donald Edward Robinson, 76, Bonita Springs, was arrested Sunday morning at Logan International Airport and charged by criminal complaint with one count of lewd, indecent and obscene acts.

Seventy-six years old?  Man deserves a medal, not prosecution.  Then further on:

Robinson is accused of masturbating and exposing his penis in front of a 21-year-old woman who was seated next to him.  The woman recorded a 24-second video clip of Robinson allegedly touching and manipulating his penis through his pants shortly after the flight took off, authorities said. Robinson allegedly then exposed his penis.  The woman tried to point Robinson out to a flight attendant after landing but was unable to point him out due to the number of people trying to exit the aircraft.  Security footage captured Robinson exiting the terminal.

Spoilsports.  As the title of this post indicates, we should all be so lucky to have such lascivious thoughts, so well past our threescore years and ten.