Errrr No Thank You

I’ve already griped about the new Win11 OS from Microsoft (motto:  “It would be a great world without customers”), and now all my fears are being realized.  My laptop’s CPU (“brain” for those like me) is probably not going to be able to handle this shiny new gizmo*:

Windows 11 is arriving later this year as a free upgrade for Windows 10 users, but many are discovering that their hardware isn’t compatible. Microsoft has altered its minimum hardware requirements, and it’s the CPU changes that are most surprising here. Windows 11 will only officially support 8th Gen and newer Intel Core processors, alongside Apollo Lake and newer Pentium and Celeron processors.
That potentially rules out millions of existing Windows 10 devices from upgrading to Windows 11 with full support, and even devices like Microsoft’s own Surface Studio 2 which the company is still selling right now for $3,499. Older devices that aren’t officially supported will be met with a warning during the Windows 11 install that the upgrade is not recommended, but the OS should still install.

Nope;  not gonna do it.  I have absolutely no idea what processor I have — oh wait:  according to the little sticker on the laptop bed that I’ve never bothered to scrape off, it’s an “Intel Core17 8th Gen (whatever that means) — so maybe I’ll be okay… [scans link]  okay, there it is:  Win11 will work with the “Intel 8 (Coffee Lake)” WTF does that mean?  “Coffee Lake”?  Why the hell do I have to clutter my (own) memory with their fucking internal buzzwords for a whizbang piece of silicon or whatever it’s made of?

I also note that the Intel 8 is the oldest processor that can handle Win11, so — and forgive me for being cynical — whenever the Microsoft Tech Gods decide that Win11 v3.0 is the Best Thing Evah, guess which processor will drop off the list first?

Then there’s this gobbledygook:

Windows 11 would also require TPM capable of at least 1.2 support and UEFI Secure Boot. Both of these technologies are designed to improve the security of Windows, and prevent malware and ransomware from tampering with encryption keys and other secure elements of the operating system. Now, it appears Microsoft may be mandating TPM 2.0, but again, we’re checking on that.
While Microsoft has required TPM support for OEM hardware certification since Windows 10, it hasn’t actively required Windows to have this fully enabled. That’s changing in Windows 11, and it means if your laptop or PC shipped without these BIOS options enabled then you’re going to have to go searching for a setting to switch on.

And the last bit of fuckery:

Microsoft is also requiring a front-facing camera for all Windows 11 devices except desktop PCs from January 2023 onwards.

As it is, I cover my camera lens with tape except when doing videocalls, so I don’t really care about that — until Win11 mandates that my camera has to be on at all times when using their poxy software… and then:

Just because.


*thanks to Ace for the link

Monday Funnies

For one lovely moment, I woke up this morning and thought it was next Monday — i.e. the long weekend Monday — only for the ghastly realization to sink in that it wasn’t;  in other words, it’s going to be the normal miserable five days of slog before we reach the oasis of next weekend.

So what the hell;  might as well console ourselves with the usual tasteless, offensive Monday stuff, right?

Right.

And lastly, one for the times we find ourselves in:

I’d like to take a lot more than five, but that’s just the over-achiever in me talking.

Anyway, here’s something a little more cheerful:

…and:

…and lastly:

Next week’s Funnies will appear (of course) on Tuesday, unless you guys can’t do without them.

Still A Favorite

One of my buddies owned a Ford Capri back in the early 1970s, and many’s the weekend night he and I would go out in the Capri looking for booze, women and trouble (some overlap).

This being South Africa, he had the European-styled version (which I preferred over the U.S. Mercury type anyway) with, as I recall, the 2.0-liter V6 German engine.  All I remember was that it was easily a match for any hot Mini-Cooper S, Alfa Romeo 1600 or Fiat 125 S of the era — at least, in Mike’s hands it was, and I remember most vividly the incredible speed with which he raced up and down through the gearbox, using that tiny short-throw stick.

I thought then (and still do) that the Capri’s shape was incredibly sexy — far more so than the earlier Mustang, and hugely more so than the horrible Pinto — and frankly, I think it would hold its own against the anonymous styling of many of today’s wind-tunnel models.  Sure, it’s a little dated, but then so am I.

The 2.0-liter V6 was fine for the times back then, but if I could have a new one today, I’d get the racier 3.0-liter GT or GXL, which put out close to 150hp — and considering how light the Capri’s body was, it would be plenty powerful:

I wouldn’t even mind the 70s-era upholstery color:

Side note:  there was a racing version of the South African Capri (called the “Perana”) which was fitted with a monster 5-liter V8 engine.  It was eventually banned from competition because it had no competition.  Vroom vroom.

A number of Americans dream of owning a muscle car from the 1960s and 70s.  If I had to own such a car (as opposed to, say, an Alfa Romeo Montreal), the Ford Capri would top my list.

Good News

My reaction: 

Great Caesar’s bleeding hemorrhoids… it seems like only yesterday when Sarah Hoyt’s husband upgraded me to Windows 10 (which I’d thus far refused to do, mostly as a reaction to the constant nagging every time I restarted my laptop).

But Dan got Very Stern with me, and refused to let me leave the house with whatever operating system I was still using (XP?  Vista?  I have no idea).  So I said, “Only if YOU do it, and it has to look EXACTLY the way it was, and all my files and bookmarks have to be exactly where they are right now.”

So he did, and they were.

Frankly, given that the sum of my computer use is blogging, email (not using MS’s poxy Outlook even) and searching for topless pics of Salma Hayek on the Internet, I fail to see why I need to change anything.

But I know I’m wasting my time, because all too soon I’ll get those unsolicited nagging messages every five minutes again, and then MS will say that they’ll no longer be “supporting” Win10 (like they ever did before ha ha), and then one day my laptop will refuse to start (just like Outlook Express did), and I’ll start the long drive up to Redmond with a rocket launcher, flamethrower and a thousand rounds of AK ammo to take care of the survivors.

And no doubt someone will have a problem with this.

So when the blessed event does finally occur, I’m going to need one of my tech-savvy Readers living within a few miles of my zip code to rally around and do it for me, mostly because I don’t want to drive all the way to Sarah’s house (Colorado?  Kansas?  Idaho? who knows?) to have Dan Hoyt do it all over again for me.

And by the way, Microsoft?  I don’t need a “new” Start button, Mac-style features, or Android apps on my desktop.

What I really need is to get to the range…