Errrr No Thank You

I’ve already griped about the new Win11 OS from Microsoft (motto:  “It would be a great world without customers”), and now all my fears are being realized.  My laptop’s CPU (“brain” for those like me) is probably not going to be able to handle this shiny new gizmo*:

Windows 11 is arriving later this year as a free upgrade for Windows 10 users, but many are discovering that their hardware isn’t compatible. Microsoft has altered its minimum hardware requirements, and it’s the CPU changes that are most surprising here. Windows 11 will only officially support 8th Gen and newer Intel Core processors, alongside Apollo Lake and newer Pentium and Celeron processors.
That potentially rules out millions of existing Windows 10 devices from upgrading to Windows 11 with full support, and even devices like Microsoft’s own Surface Studio 2 which the company is still selling right now for $3,499. Older devices that aren’t officially supported will be met with a warning during the Windows 11 install that the upgrade is not recommended, but the OS should still install.

Nope;  not gonna do it.  I have absolutely no idea what processor I have — oh wait:  according to the little sticker on the laptop bed that I’ve never bothered to scrape off, it’s an “Intel Core17 8th Gen (whatever that means) — so maybe I’ll be okay… [scans link]  okay, there it is:  Win11 will work with the “Intel 8 (Coffee Lake)” WTF does that mean?  “Coffee Lake”?  Why the hell do I have to clutter my (own) memory with their fucking internal buzzwords for a whizbang piece of silicon or whatever it’s made of?

I also note that the Intel 8 is the oldest processor that can handle Win11, so — and forgive me for being cynical — whenever the Microsoft Tech Gods decide that Win11 v3.0 is the Best Thing Evah, guess which processor will drop off the list first?

Then there’s this gobbledygook:

Windows 11 would also require TPM capable of at least 1.2 support and UEFI Secure Boot. Both of these technologies are designed to improve the security of Windows, and prevent malware and ransomware from tampering with encryption keys and other secure elements of the operating system. Now, it appears Microsoft may be mandating TPM 2.0, but again, we’re checking on that.
While Microsoft has required TPM support for OEM hardware certification since Windows 10, it hasn’t actively required Windows to have this fully enabled. That’s changing in Windows 11, and it means if your laptop or PC shipped without these BIOS options enabled then you’re going to have to go searching for a setting to switch on.

And the last bit of fuckery:

Microsoft is also requiring a front-facing camera for all Windows 11 devices except desktop PCs from January 2023 onwards.

As it is, I cover my camera lens with tape except when doing videocalls, so I don’t really care about that — until Win11 mandates that my camera has to be on at all times when using their poxy software… and then:

Just because.

*thanks to Ace for the link


  1. And Microsoft wonders why they had to drag people kicking and screaming off of Windows XP. Their product gets worse with each iteration.

  2. Our first OS was Win95. I have yet to receive a check from Microflacid for beta testing their latest crap. Ran Win XP until the wheels came off. Same with Win 7. My backup PC on my workbench is a rehab Win 7 machine I bought off Amazon. I fire it up maybe once a month, which I did last night. Win 7 installed updates and everything still works. I use the paid version of Malwarebytes.

  3. Interesting. I wonder if Microshaft gets a commission on all the Linux-ready PCs it’s going to help sell.

    1. How many of those PC’s come without Windows? Tiny-limp certainly does get a royalty for any device sold with Window installed or ready to install, and AFAIK that includes nearly every PC or laptop on the market.

      I don’t know if this is still true (I learned about it long ago when the Justice Dept’s antitrust action against Microsoft fizzled out – perhaps because they went after browser bullcrap instead of this actual monopolistic behavior), but it probably is: List price for Windows is several hundred dollars. These days, that might be more than the sales price on a bargain-basement new PC. PC manufacturers get a huge discount (it must be around 90% to allow selling the PC’s so cheap) for buying Windows in quantity AND PUTTING IT ON EVERY PC THEY SELL. Hence the only way a manufacturer can afford to leave out Windows on even one computer is by _only_ selling machines with Linux or no operating system, and that’s a tiny market.

  4. I have had enough of software driving hardware “advancement.” The more they come out with these changes that force me to buy new software or hardware encourages me to buy an antique type writer. They never needed an upgrade. Alright, I will get with the third quarter of the last century and maybe, just maybe I will get an electric typewriter with a correction button

    Kim, I think you wrote about the situation that these newer editions simply do not add enough features that are useful. I agree. I would be completely happy with an older version of windows, microsoft office etc.


  5. We’re past the point in processor power where the processors, and OS, aren’t going to give you any whizbang functionality. Just like with cars back in the day. Decades ago with Autos we hit a point where they are reliable, reasonably fast, comfortable. The only thing they do now is add bullshit no one really needs, or even wants sometimes.

    I’m typing this on an i5 that’s over a decade old. I do video creation and processing as well as build sites, and other technical stuff. I have a new Thinkpad X1 carbon, but corporate has it so locked down, it’s nearly useless. Like having a porsche, but they make you tow a trailer full of bricks.

    In comparison, I have an older thinkpad – another i5 running linux. It’s every bit as useful and fast as my corporate laptop. My older machines do the work I need them to do.

    While I’ll probably load windows 11 on something – probably a virtual machine – to play. I won’t be moving any of my go-to machines until I have no choice. It’ll probably come in the form of a software upgrade for an app I need or when I replace this ailing tower. But just like a car, I can replace it with a used tower with an i7 and move my parts over for peanuts.

    I’ll wait until the trade mags dime out all the spyware that’s in it before I put it on any machine I depend on.

  6. I have been covering the camera lenses on all my computers with a Post-it Note since the first one came out of the box. And I don’t allow any of those Alexa (or whatever they call them) spies for the tech companies I so despise in my house either. I may have nothing to hide, but it does me good to know I might be pissing some Liberal off.

  7. I wouldn’t worry about it, Kim. Microsoft intends to continue supporting Windows 10 until the fall of 2025, so you can just ignore Windows 11 for the next four years and nothing will happen.

    I’m using a decade-old Dell desktop, and Microsoft’s PC Health Check app says it won’t run Windows 11, but that’s only because TPM and UEFI Secure Boot are disabled in the BIOS settings. I tried enabling them, but it looks like that won’t work unless I reinstall Windows. I could do that, and maybe I will. But not anytime soon. It doesn’t seem worth the trouble.

    I will probably buy a newer computer at some point during the next four years. This “problem” will almost certainly go away before I actually need to do anything about it.

  8. Oh, and I agree with Quentin about using those stick-on plastic shutters to cover your camera instead of using tape or sticky notes. If you have Five Below stores in your area, they sell 3-packs of the shutters for $3.

    1. Cost of tiny strip of no-residue blue painter’s tape: ~$0.001
      Cost of stick-on sliding plastic shutter: $1 + S&H.

      So, no.

      1. Lots of laptops don’t really have the room to shut the lid fully anyway, if you use a shutter. (Last years Macs, IIRC, even said there was so little room you ran the risk of damaging the screen or hinge with tape.)

  9. Since your PC has an 8th Gen chip, and you’re on Windows 10 already then Windows 11 will almost certainly install itself this fall with little to no fanfare or intervention on your part. You’ll just wake up one morning and it will be there. Nobody gives a crap about Intel’s internal names either, and if your machine has a trusted computing platform module (a fingerprint scanner on a laptop is a dead giveaway, even if you don’t use it) then you’ll be good to go.

    Honestly it’s not going to be anything revolutionary. The icons will look a little different and the sides of the windows will be slightly curved instead of 90°. None of my desktop PCs are new enough to qualify, and changing out a motherboard/chip/RAM on my critical production box is not something even I want to undertake, and that’s with 30 years of some combination of professional, unpaid, and hobbyist-level tinkering and system building.

    1. The requirement for a Trusted Platform Module (TPM) isn’t likely to be a problem for many people. If your computer was made anytime in the last decade, it almost certainly has one. My desktop machine was released in 2012, and it has a TPM. (The TPM is currently disabled, but I could fix that if I felt sufficiently motivated.)

      I’m not sure what to make of the future requirement for all non-desktops to have front-facing camera, but it seems unnecessary to me. It’s nearly impossible to buy a laptop that doesn’t have a camera nowadays. So I’m not sure it matters whether Windows 11 requires one.

  10. His Royal Kimness said:”mandates that my camera has to be on at all times ”

    I immediately thought of Winston in “1984” saying something about not paying attention or participating well enough during the 2 Minute Hate or Rectal Stretching Time or whatever and getting yelled at by the person on screen. I remember thinking well at least that’s interesting, if not pie-in-the-sky, Arthur C. Clarke level stuff, but probably wont see that in my lifetime…. That was in 1984 when i read the book as a wee lad of 14.
    *This* is my chagrined face.
    Wtf, i didn’t buy bitcoin at a buck a pop when i first heard of it, either.

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