Not every business has been adversely affected by the Chinkvirus and Gummint lockdowns:
A businesswoman who sells sex dolls has revealed how her company has been thriving throughout the pandemic, and that she’s noticed an increase in sales each time a new lockdown restriction comes into place.
Jade Stanley, 36, from Bromsgrove, Worcestershire, launched her company Sex Doll Official in 2018, and sells and rents plastic sex companions, some of which can cost up to £8,000, to ‘lonely’ customers.
The mother-of-four explained that due to widespread isolation during the coronavirus crisis, she saw surges in sales every time there was a change in lockdown rules, insisting customers want ‘more than just a sex toy’.
She also revealed that she’s noticed a much bigger demand for male and transgender sex dolls, and told there’s a ‘big market’ for couples who want to involve a ‘safe third party’ in the bedroom.
That might just be the thunder of horses’ hooves you’re hearing in the distance.
So just what does this little hotbed town of kinky sex look like? Something like this:
…and further down the High Street:
Alert Readers may have noticed in the above pic one of Kim’s Favoritest Places In Britishland: Greggs, purveyors of fine pies and finer sausage rolls. Things are not so rosy there:
Since reopening on July 2, the Newcastle-based firm’s like-for-like sales averaged at 71.2 per cent of its levels from 2019 for the 12-week period to September 26.
Greggs was performing well before the crisis its shares hit a record high of 2,550p in January. But they closed yesterday at 1,219p, down 47 per cent in the year to date.
So to all my Brit Readers, I beseech you: start Kim’s “Every Meal With Greggs©” program with immediate effect, and to hell with your waistlines.
Your sex dolls won’t complain, I promise you.
“sells and rents plastic sex companions”
Does this imply that there is a job description out there that includes the phrase “rinse out returned sex dolls”?
HA! Beat me to it.
It’ll be a cold day in hail before….
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