Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

5 Worst Things You Can Say To New Parents

Friday Feature, The Worst

Ranked in order of increasing horribleness:

  • “Why do all newborn babies look like Winston Churchill?”

  • “Where did the red hair come from?”
  • “Well, that’s a relief:  he doesn’t look at all like me…”
  • “Now I know why you guys got married so quickly.”
  • (about a baby girl ) “Wow… now that’s what I call a circumcision!”

Your suggestions in Comments…

5 Worst Dietary “Facts”

Friday Feature, Lies and Untruths, The Worst

According to this study*:

  • Lowfat / skim milk is better for you than full-cream milk
  • Saturated fats in your diet will cause heart problems
  • Margarine is better for you than butter or lard
  • Red meat is bad for you
  • The government and health scolds know what the fuck they’re talking about

*Next week, another study will probably come out and disprove this one.  Caveat lector.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have a breakfast of steak ‘n eggs (fried in butter).  And a full glass of half ‘n half to wash it down.

Surprise!!!

Funny Stuff

You would have to have a heart of stone not to burst into delighted laughter at this story:

Last weekend, the man told his wife he was going out drinking with work colleagues, when in reality he was travelling to a motel on the outskirts of town.

Now go read the rest.

Weekend News Roundup

Funny Stuff

1) “Unexploded World War II bombs hamper efforts to battle massive wildfires rampaging through a German forest” — don’t care;  they started it.

2) “Mummified body found in a hoarder’s home ‘belonged to a cat burglar who was executed on the spot after being caught in the act’ ” — I have an alibi.  (Oh, sure:  like you’ve never thought about doing it.)

3) “Wednesday’s Cascadia Quake A Wake-Up Call For Pacific Northwest:  Feared Mammoth 9.0+ Quake A Matter Of When, Not If” — can’t wait.

4) “The eurozone is destined to fail.” — can’t wait, Part II.

5) “State Department is blocking economic aid slated for the Palestinians and is sending it somewhere else!” — about time, too.  God-Emperor Trump continues to wow conservatives, this time by shafting those Arab assholes — who don’t deserve anything from us considering their past, present and future behavior.

And your “feelgood” story of the day:

6) “Clueless couple struggled to get pregnant for four years are told by doctor the wife is still a virgin because they were having anal sex” — well, at least the husband got something out of it… but after they figured out what they were doing wrong, she got pregnant, which as any fule kno, is when the sex stops.  I know all this sounds unlikely, but let us remember that this happened in China, where anything’s statistically possible in a population of 1.5 billion people.