Dude… Seriously?

Is it so wrong that this headline made me howl with laughter?

Argentine doctor is arrested for ‘masturbating on a 27-year-old patient’s back while performing an ultrasound on her genitals’

I’m creating the visual, here… sorry, I have to go to the toilet because otherwise my pants will become unsanitary.

Okay, I’m better now.

However, there is a serious aspect to this episode.  Using gun restrictionists’ logic, therefore, we need to ban these assault ultrasound devices (“assault” in that they enable perverts to sexually assault their female patients) and furthermore, all doctors should have to pass a state background check for masturbatory impulses.

Hey, if it can save just one  back from being jizzed on, right?


  1. My question is, was she hot?

    (yeah, inappropriate – but hey! you shouldn’t judge a man until you’ve wanked a bit in his shoes)

  2. I’m trying to puzzle out the mechanics of this. She’s lying on her stomach to have her genitals imaged? Seems like there would be better access if she were on her back. I think ultra-sounds use a handheld device, so it would be easier the other way. Of course that would have limited practical access to his other handheld device.

    And you’re wrong about banning the ultra-sound device. We need Coochie Control Act. Clearly her vajayjay is too powerful to be left unrestricted. Think about it – how many hoo-ha’s does this doctor see? Probably a lot. And this one overcame (ahem) his Hippocratic control.

    I propose they be restricted on aesthetic features and caliber.

    1. In the old days, there was a Coochie Control Act — it was known as The Church. Nowadays, however…

  3. If she was face down it didn’t matter how good she looked as long as the gash was appealing.

    1. On a point of order: if she’s lying facedown, wouldn’t the “gash” be invisible? (See Mr. Bix’s comment.)

      1. Suppose he was standing at the foot of the bed she was lying on, and her legs were spread, he’d have perfect view of the cockpit I find it hard to believe he “completed” the act without her hearing all that fapping going on. Maybe she’s practicing a perverted form of revenge porn? She let him do it, then tried to blackmail him and he wouldn’t pay, so she went to the authorities? Didn’t read the article.

  4. Another thought occurs to me. Maybe she instigated it. Had she been listening to the Young Rascals? Did she go in thinking, “I was feeling so bad,” then ask her family doctor just what she had?

    We need more facts.

  5. Add me to the skeptics list. How would you even do it? And how could you finish before she noticed?

    Highly doubtful.

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