Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

News Roundup

Bad News, Elections, Legal Stuff, Marxists, The Gun Thing

Short takes on Da Nooz:

1) Presidential hopeful Pete Buttplug indicated he is open to the idea of raising the legal age for firearm purchases  —  Cool.  As long as he also supports raising the voting age by the same number.

2) Venezuelan dictator Maduro announced late Monday that he would order “surprise” war games to plan for attacks against the United States on a “permanent” basis — so basically, he’s copying California and D.C., except they’re not playing.

3) Portland Police Bureau are seeking the public’s help in identifying four Antifa members who took part in a recent protest in the city where police officers and civilians were attacked  —  and a prediction:  one day these little fascist fucks are going to threaten or beat the wrong guy, and get shot in the face.  On that day, I will publish a report of the incident under “Righteous Shootings”.

4) Paki Rape Gang Sentenced To Jail Terms  —  instead of being taken out behind the courthouse and shot in the back of the neck, unfortunately.

5) EU Wants To Keep Plundering Britain’s Fishing Waters  —  OR, the Brits can just send out their new aircraft carrier for “practice war games” and sink every EU ship it comes across.  It’s not like the Euros could do anything about it, not one of them having a deepwater navy.

6) Noted Homophobe Trump Appoints Homo As DNI  —  so much for that little Lefty talking point.  (Of course, he’s the wrong kind of homo, being conservative, hence the howls of protest from the Hair On Fire Party.)

7) CanuckiPM Girlyman Has No Clue —  no surprises there, especially as he secretly supports their protests.

and finally:

8) Eating a big breakfast could help you burn double the amount of calories than if you eat a larger meal at dinner  —  y’all know what to do now, don’tcha?

By the way, if that were true, I’d weigh about 100lbs.

Spreading The Virus

Funny Stuff

“Going viral” now has a whole new meaning:

 

I am SO weak…

Of course, there are other ways to make light of this thing:

For my Tribe Readers:

(yeah, I get them too)

More celebrities:

And where would we be without the WHO?

 

Finally, a sooper-seekrit poll what I done myself (promise):

To quote Dan Rather:  “Fake, but accurate.”

Financial Opportunity

Funny Stuff, Politics

I wish I were a bookie.  Then, if this happened:

…and somehow he got elected, I’d start an offshore bookie business:

  • 2-1 that he’d “hang himself” in the presidential limo on the way back to the White House from his inauguration ceremony
  • 3-1 there’d be an “accident” at the Inauguration Ball
  • 1-3 he’d die “of natural causes” before his first Cabinet meeting
  • 1,000-1 odds against him living long enough to deliver his first State Of The Union address.

Yeah, Hillary Bitch Clinton would be President, but I’d have made a lot of money and be living in the Caymans.

5 Worst Things About Valentine’s Day

The Worst

Welcome to the first major Hallmark Holiday of the year. Here are the five worst:

  • Soppy fucking movies on TV and cutesy fucking teddy bears (are we still five years old?) everywhere you look
  • Hay fever from all the fucking roses in the drugstore
  • This bullshit in the newspapers:
  • All those articles in women’s magazines about how single women are traumatized by not having a date tonight
  • Knowing that it’s the one day of the year you have to buy her flowers / candy / a romantic dinner simply to get what you can get any other night of the year just by feeding her a couple wine coolers.

Your pet peeves about ValDay in Comments.