5 Worst Things About Valentine’s Day

Welcome to the first major Hallmark Holiday of the year. Here are the five worst:

  • Soppy fucking movies on TV and cutesy fucking teddy bears (are we still five years old?) everywhere you look
  • Hay fever from all the fucking roses in the drugstore
  • This bullshit in the newspapers:
  • All those articles in women’s magazines about how single women are traumatized by not having a date tonight
  • Knowing that it’s the one day of the year you have to buy her flowers / candy / a romantic dinner simply to get what you can get any other night of the year just by feeding her a couple wine coolers.

Your pet peeves about ValDay in Comments.


  1. I think it was our second or third year of marriage when we resolved to celebrate SVD on February 15. Candy’s cheaper then.

  2. Well, today my mother would have been 81, tomorrow is my wife’s birthday, and the 18th is our 36th wedding anniversary. Mid Feb hits my wallet kinda hard. But, today, at 6 degrees, is the coldest day of the season and it is nothing but constant warming each day from here on out. I’m ready for some sprang!!!

  3. St. Valentine was a martyr. He was tortured and murdered for A) marrying couples against the Roman Emperor’s decree, and B) refusing to renounce his Christianity in favor of Roman pagan gods. So if your darling wife demands flowers and candy, you can ask that all she do is show the kind of devotion that St. Valentine did, namely being tortured and then beaten to death, and then beheaded. Isn’t that romantic? Gosh, I bet she’ll be in the mood in no time!

    I told my wife, waaaaaay back when she was my girlfriend, that I don’t celebrate Valentine’s day. It’s a bullshit made-up holiday, and if she didn’t like that she could just move on to another guy. She didn’t. And I still don’t celebrate this day as some sort of holiday.

  4. The most ridiculous thing I’ve seen is on the day before they’re calling it Galentine’s Day where women get together with their gal pals or something like that. Where the hell did that come from?

      1. Kim,

        up until recently I worked with a lot of 20something young women and there was rarely a lady among them. THank God I’m not in the dating pool. These 20somethings are utterly nuts. I feel sorry for 20 something young men.


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