Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Oldie But Goodie

Deep Thoughts

From Longtime Buddy Mervyn*, and especially for my Tribe Readers:

ZEN JUDAISM
If there is no self,
Whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace later.
Is that so complicated?

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage, that’s another story.

Drink tea and nourish life.
With the first sip…joy.
With the second…satisfaction.
With the third, peace.
With the fourth, a danish.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health
Or a life without problems.
What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles
Begins with a single “Oy.”

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life, you never called,
You never wrote, you never visited,
And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkes.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight. You’ll never meet
God with such rounded shoulders.

*My buddy Mervyn looks so Jewish that even at bar mitzvahs, people ask:  “Who’s that Jewish-looking guy?” 

That said, he’s the worst Jew since Genghis Khan.  Frum, he is not.

Another Martyr

Crime

No doubt there’ll be BLM-inspired rioting after this one:

A man was shot and killed by Los Angeles police officers in front of horrified bystanders on a packed Hollywood Walk of Fame on Thursday after he pointed a replica gun at them.

Here’s a thought:  why don’t we flood the ‘hoods with replica Glocks?

All I ask is that the LAPD keep their lapel cameras running so we can all enjoy the fun that follows.

 

News Roundup (Biden Solo Edition)

Bad News, Diplomacy

It was all too much.  I tried like hell to suppress it, but the urge was too great.


…oooh I bet that pissed off the old Commie bitch, even though he didn’t mean it (see below).


…well, duh.  They’re anti-Communist, and he isn’t.


…sees no reason to ban travel from such a large continent:


…which means it’s doomed.


…probably because we already did.


…even though he blocked the Keystone XL pipeline, which will help them do just that.


…I just want to hear President Braindead explain the technology, without notes.

And now, some vintage pics of Jill Biden at the beach…

Read more

Other Priorities

Crime, Gypsies Tramps & Thieves, Mocking Furriners

I spoke of Victoria Coren a little while back, and now it’s time to call on her brother Giles, albeit for different reasons:

Giles Coren exploded with rage on social media this morning as he revealed thieves pinched his £65,000 eco-Jaguar for the second time in just three months.
The TV presenter, 51, turned detective back in April after his beloved car was stolen but police told him they didn’t have the ‘manpower to investigate’.

Of course they don’t.  Perhaps it’s because if you go on Twatter and call a footballer a nigger, the response will be dramatic, and immediate.  But to continue:

In an incredible thread, [Coren] posted pictures of his journey in tracking down the Jaguar I-Pace, which he eventually found in Highgate, north London, telling followers he ‘got his electric kitty cat back’.

Didn’t help much.  After spending a small fortune to re-key his car and change all its “anti-theft” doodads, the car was stolen again, leaving Coren in an incandescent rage.

In a furious tweet, Mr Coren wrote: ‘They’ve stolen my fucking car AGAIN!!!! Cost me three grand to reset the keys and put in a new tracking system after last time and what good does it do? FUCK ALL.
‘If you see a black Jaguar iPace reg ending JVN could you tell me? I’ll give you a million pounds.’

Giles, ol’ buddy:  if you’re going to drop a million bucks, you should rather move out of London, to a more law-abiding place like say, Reading.

I’ll give him the last word, though:

The food critic began: ‘Last night the cunts stole my new Jaguar I-Pace. So Fuck them, fuck the environment and fuck any sort of giving a shit about cars.
‘I’m buying a six year old diesel fucking Skoda and everyone can just fuck off.’

Note to the Greens:  when you’ve lost the food critics… after all, this electric car thing will soon lose its allure for other reasons.