Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Perils Of Age

Deep Thoughts, Gratuitous Chick Pics, Old Age

The other day I was skimming Teh Intarwebz, idly looking at smut pics of pretty women, and saw this creature:

I had (and still have) no idea who she is, but my lecherous gaze was somewhat tempered by my feeling of guilt for ogling a teenage girl.  (Of course, it turns out that she’s actually 30, so my guilt was misplaced.)

Which brings me to my point.

As we get older — I’m fairly sure I’m not alone in this — everyone not looking like the late Prince Philip looks about twelve years old, and I often wonder when we started promoting adolescents to positions of power and authority.

I’m not even talking about celebrity women, who with the aid of surgery can look decades younger than their actual age.  I’m talking about everyday people we see on television, who are supposedly in charge of some important function, but who seem to still need adolescent acne cream.

Then again, who cares?  As long as we can ogle the likes of Carol Vorderman, Annabella Sciorra or Jennifer Grey (all aged 60):

   

…I don’t really care that foreign policy is being run by someone who looks like Doogie Howser, or that Steve Urkel somehow became President of the United States.

News Roundup

Bad News

All the news, hand-picked to further a narrative.


…starting with your house, I presume?  And another part of the same story:


…and yet somehow, we still don’t know the name of the cop who shot Ashli Babbit at the Capitol in January.


…starting in your neighborhood and city, of course?


…he’s going to feel the full effect of British Law:  a severe scolding and his PlayStation confiscated (for at least a week).


…ummm no;  “infrastructure” is roads, bridges, electricity, water, and in a stretch, Internet access.  You dirty fucking Commie.


…had mine, no problems. But wait a minute:


…so if he was forced by Government to be vaccinated, would they be killing him?

And:


…of course he’s going to ascribe success to a repressive social policy rather than medicine, in much the same way as gun confiscation eliminates obesity.  But then there’s this:


…which means that if the hapless Boris imposes yet another lockdown…


…♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ If I can make it there / I’ll make my kid go bare ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪…


…and you need to click on the link to get the punchline.  And speaking of punch lines:


…only in a pussified society would this be considered bad advice.


…except that urine negates chlorine’s benefits, another study will find.


…but they already are:  Susie Has Two Mommies, Fisting For Fifth Graders, What’s Wrong With Wanting A Wah-Wah Instead Of A Pee-Pee, etc. etc. etc.

Time for INSIGNIFICA:

   

Finally, the thing you’ve all been waiting for:  some completely gratuitous pics of a beautiful woman.  Here’s 60s hottie Wanda Ventham.

Look familiar?

She’s Brit actor Bandersnatch Cummerbund’s Mum.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Oy vey, it’s Monday:

Just for the hell of it, I proclaim today Jew Day on this here website.  (Don’t panic;  everything has been blessed by the Deth Bin*.)

(My buddy Lev, who is an actual rabbi, tells me that this would be funny were it not so true.)  And in that same vein:

And just for the hell of it:

And one of my personal favorites:

Now get out there and make some money.  Next week:  Italians.

*I know;  shuddup.

 

 

News Roundup

Bad News

Some bad news, some good news, all treated with scorn, skepticism and a large helping of sarcasm.


…this is actually excellent news.  The Tranny Formerly Known As Bruce is very conservative, politically speaking, and I can’t wait for the Democrats to go through this:


… off the top of my head:  avoid looking at pics of Nancy Pelosi, watching President Braindead’s press conferences, and seeing a Gay Pride parade, to name but three.


…they panic, I see it as ethnic Darwinism.  And that includes the morons who think that vaccines are a Gummint plot to alter their DNA / install a tracking system / [insert loony reason of choice here]


…‘cos they’re just teeny little girls.  Who should be executed with just teeny little bullets.


…never having regretted a one-night stand, I’m untouched by this.  And in similar vein:


…my suggestion (says Dr. Kim) :  hook up with this couple.  That would teach her.


…not that either of these posturing pustules has ever flown on Southwest, of course;  but just to be safe, they should be put on Southwest’s private no-fly list.


…considering that United is already on my “don’t fly with them under any circumstances” list, I don’t have to worry about crashing because of Token Pilot Shawanda  (formerly Jamal) Washington’s screwup.


…as if 2021 wasn’t going to be bad enough.


…when you consider the lifetime’s teasing he’s had to endure because of his name, it’s amazing that this only happened when he was 38.  Anyway, he’s now “the late” so we need say no more about him.

And now it’s time for INSIGNIFICA (no links because ugh):

    * 

Finally, some outstanding views news , seeing as it’s Masters Week:


…putting the SCHWING!  back into golf:

   
   

Not Wanted

Funny Stuff

Inspired by this piece in the DM, I list things that seem insubstantial or unimportant, but under the reign of World-Emperor Kim (see above) would be banned and destroyed whenever seen in public:

  • Oddly- flavored booze, e.g. chocolate vodka and raspberry-flavored beer.  Just thinking about them makes my mouth go lemon-shaped and my stomach go into spasm.
  • Light (“lite”) beer.  The only way I’d agree to letting this shit stay around was if it were sold for ten cents a gallon.  Then everyone who drank it would get horribly drunk and die in car crashes, thus solving two problems.
  • Crocs, when worn outside the garden.  They work surprisingly well as gardening shoes, but there are limits.
  • Ditto Uggs:  excellent slippers, should not be seen in public.
  • Chewing gum.  Disgusting stuff, especially when chewed with an open mouth.
  • Nose rings.  Absolutely nobody’s appearance is enhanced by this foul facial appurtenance.
  • Car decals.  Every last one of them, no exceptions, and  especially the smug mini-billboards like “Proud Parent Of An Honor Student”.  Don’t even get me started on the “go faster” stripes, or flames.
  • “Lifted” trucks on public roads.

Note that I’ve left off the large stuff like Modernist architecture, Glocks and music produced by Simon Cowell.  They are a constant irritation to me and have often been featured on these pages, so I’m not going to belabor the point.

Other than “carpeted bathrooms”, I found most of the things in the DM  list rather inoffensive, albeit some in bad taste.  And they can take my Nicky Cage sequin pillow from my cold dead hands.

Feel free to add your favorite hates to the list.  (Just stuff, no people — we all know who you’d want to see gone, or be first on the noose.)