Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Quote Of The Day

QOTD

From Amy Odell, writing about Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow’s relationship:

“At times he seemed more interested in playing video games with the guys at his house than being with Gwyneth.”

Can’t say I blame him.

Top Three Sex Tips For Older Women

3 Inexplicable Things
  • After the age of 35, never go on top unless it’s reverse cowgirl. (Executive Summary:  your face looks like a bloodhound as the skin sags.)  Just beware of the reverse cowgirl too, because he’s going to get a good view of your saggy, wrinkled butt.  It’s far less stressful to do the naughty under these conditions:

  • If you’re going to go for a toyboy, the ideal formula is:  your age divided by two, and above.  If the result is less than 30, you should be ashamed of yourself.  Ignore if fabulously rich or else once fabulously gorgeous, e.g. Joan Collins.

  • Over the age of 50, never be photographed showing your knees, unless you’re sitting down with legs bent (see pics below of Jane Seymour, 74, who follows this rule religiously).

(Executive Summary:  Wrinkles around the knees are like rings on a tree:  they increase with age.)

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“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I’m a junior executive (25), and was recently introduced to a rather pretty woman of 22 at a party.  We split off from the group, as one does, and started chatting.  About two minutes into the conversation, she started talking about her huge collection of something called ‘Labubus’.  (I had no idea what this is, and later discovered that it’s a small doll with teeth.)  Anyway, this woman’s entire conversation revolved around her collection — how much they cost, how collectible they are, the various types, and how adorable they are.

“I’m all for people having hobbies, but something seems a little off about this obsession, and I’m debating whether to follow up with this woman.

“Advice?”

— Wary Bloke In The City

Dear Wary (and a good name that is, too):

We have seen nonsense like this before, and it seems like there’s one for every generation:  Beanie Babies, Cabbage Patch dolls, and so on, which sell at outrageous prices and are subject to (calculated) shortages to drive up the value thereof.  So great was the excitement surrounding all these trinkets that people got into squabbles and fistfights over them at stores.

What has characterized all this obsessive nonsense is that the people most taken in by the craze are the same type:  they’re children, no matter what their age, and if older — say, over the age of ten — they’re likely to be stupid as well.

I’ve always told young men that if they enter the apartment / bedroom of their intended conquest and discover that the bed is covered with two dozen teddy bears, their only course of action is to run — run quickly and far away — to put as much distance as possible between you and this ghastliness.

These Labubu things very definitely fall into the teddy-bear / Cabbage Patch / Beanie Babies category.

So my advice is to blank Miss Labubu-Collector, and find someone less childish and more intelligent.  Your wariness, in this case, is definitely warranted.

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