Like Cracker Barrel and Jaguar, the old label is still better than the stupid new one. But that’s not important; this is:
...these findings are supported by IPCC models, so it’s actually safe to assume that the Gulf Stream is in excellent condition.
...I’m going back to using aerosol deodorants, to do my bit to combat Global Warming Climate Cooling Change.
How about some ICE NEWS:
...but but but CalGov Newsom says there’s no crime in California. Could he be lying?
Speaking of crime:
...South Africa? Nope: California.
...as MN’s strict gun laws aren’t working, the federal ones will work so much better, you see.
Speaking of lying little bitches:
Poor Little Immigrant Girl Makes Good
...and all it took was to be elected to Congress. In Minnesota.
On the same topic:
...yeah; not gonna happen, not even in Minnesoduh.
More stupidity, Celebrity Division:
...stick to selling yoga pants for fatasses, dimwit. And:
...clearly, this one hasn’t been reading the newspapers recently. So out of the frying pan and on to the gas ring she goes.
And in the Great Cultural Exchange Experiment:
...yeah, that’s going about as well as you’d expect.
On the Domestic Resistance Front:
...yeah, the response from all those White Gold Coast liberals (like Fatboi) must have the Guard really worried.
...thing is, most Americans actually support what ICE is doing, unlike the fucking Commies.
Still more from the Crime & Punishment Division:
...female prison guards will be renamed “prisoner comfort staff” any day now.
In Education News:
...tragedy or irony? I report, you decide.
Next comes link-free 
...don’t even ask for a link. No man should.
And in 
:
...and I still couldn’t sing one of her songs at gunpoint.
And on that sour note, we end the news.
“..but but but CalGov Newsom says there’s no crime in California. Could he be lying?”
Nope. He’s just blinded by the hair gel and gleaming teeth of the image in his mirror.