Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Most British Headline Ever

Mocking Furriners

I remember a story told to me once about a British bishop who was given a residence which happened to be in the middle of a golf course.  As it turned out, the property was unfenced, which ordinarily wouldn’t have been an issue, except that the bishop owned a black Labrador pup and club regulations banned all dogs from the course.

So, in the best British manner, they made the dog a member of the club, which resolved the issue.

I was reminded of this story when I saw this article, with the exquisite headline:

Guinness-guzzling Shetland pony BANNED from pub just one week after being made mayor

The story goes:

Council bosses have banned the Guinness-loving horse from The Drum Inn, in Cockington, after he was given his special title at a ceremony held on July 23.
The honour was granted in response to an online campaign to elect him to the post following the death of previous mayor Don Mills.
Despite his job title, Patrick, a Miniature Shetland, is now in trouble, as a planning enforcement officer told the pub they need planning permission for him to be allowed to graze in the pub garden.

This is easily the most British story ever, in that it combines love of animals, eccentricity and humorless, bullying officialdom all in a single tale.

The only thing that would make it a perfect story would be if Patrick were to bite the pissy little planning enforcement officer in the ass the next time he ventured into the pub.

News Roundup

Bad News

Sponsored by:

So let’s slip into the female anatomy:


…I’m good on the exterior stuff:  boobs, hoo-hah, shoulders, feet etc.  The interior parts?  None of my business.


…parole?  What about flaying, daily scourging and / or impaling?


…because adding “terrorism” to “murder” will just make it doubleplusungood.  And what about Remington and Browning semi-autos?  Oh, never mind.


…probably just wanted to exclude all that White supremacist “logic ‘n rhetoric ” stuff from the debate, to be replaced with shouting, chanting and drums.


…their state, their laws — just like SCOTUS intended.


…of course it does.  Best cheese in the world, evvah.


…just laying the ground for when the crime of non-payment of taxes results in summary execution.  You heard it here first.


…sounds a lot, until you discover that her Las Vegas gig pays a million bucks a night.


…that’s a real mood-killer, but not as bad as an actual killer:


…not the best outcum, was it? (sp)

And in (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

…oy.

And finally:


…not surprising, really.  As my old friend, the late, great Scot Bob Hill used to say:  “Och, you wi’ yer smearred makeup, yer scabby skin — yer so durrty, so slutty, so nasty… yer just ma type.”

 

All I can say is that ol’ Jenny’s come a long way since singing backup for Lynyrd Skynyrd… <eyecross>

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Oh…whatever made you think it was Monday?

So while we’re waiting for the caffeine to kick in…


…and if you know why that’s funny, shame on you.

And for us Olde Pharttes:

Now stop dreaming about those evil memories, and get to work.

Another Added To The List

Freaks & Loonies, Nannies, Politics

There is no limit to the micro-managing that a Blue state can descend to:

The bill — Creating a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair — prohibits discrimination based on natural and protective hairstyles, including braids, locks, twists and Bantu knots. It also blocks Bay Staters from being denied employment or educational opportunities due to their hairstyles and textures.
Gov. Baker described the nexus of the CROWN Act as a “citizen movement,” started by a “very small number of people in which the right thing to do became clearer and clearer the longer the discussion went on.”

      

And while we’re there, some old-fashioned ones:

   

And of course, my old favorite style chart: