Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

News Roundup

Bad News

Brought to you by:

And you’re going to need a drink after today’s Roundup…


…waaayyy ahead of you.  See next item.


…JUST in time for the mid-term elections and mail-in votes.  Fuck you, fuck your masks, fuck your “social distancing”, and fuck your lockdowns.


…shouldn’t be in ANY legislation, ever.


…and that’s PRESIDENT Ron DeSantis, to you.


…


…and I can’t wait to see the news videos of Girlyman Trudeau running to board his escape plane to Venezuela.  Otherwise:  so long, Canuckistan;  it was nice to know ya.


…ummm have you heard of this “NATO” thing?


…leading to, one hopes, a consumer blacklist of Verizon.


…I WANT THIS JOB.


…headline duly edited for this Roundup, because if you’re going to mention the race of the victim, it’s only fair to mention the race of the criminals, right?  RIGHT?


…only in the fashion industry could winter clothing be considered for summer wear.

And in no-link INSIGNIFICA:

   

…and here’s why no links in INSIGNIFICA:


…seeing as the Britcops have ended all OTHER crime in the country, let’s make up some new crimes.

Finally (to help erase the Gemma Collins pic):

Legs, hey?  Didn’t know she had ’em, never got that far down.

And that, I’m sure, classifies as news.

News Roundup

Bad News

Sponsored by:

And as always, the news is kinda shitty…


…yeah, like that’s going to put the fatties off their Big Macs.


…from Turban Durbin, the moron who thought Al-Qaeda was just a social club.


…yeah, this endless rodentophobia has to come to an end — it’s more urgent than the climate “emergency”.


…and you’re not full of shit;  you’re excrementally crammed, you Commie bitch.


…key words:  Spanish pilot.


…hands up all those who think that Bidenson is actually going to go to jail for this… none of you, huh?  Me neither.


…nom nom nom BBQ !  (translated from the original Bear).


…Britain without fish ‘n chips would be like… New Jersey.  One day you’ll only be able to get a decent fish ‘n chips in Spain or Portugal.


…silly me, and I thought it would be Russia or China.


…what with senile dementia, I’ve quite forgotten who gets tied up first.


…if by that you mean “incredibly emaciated”, then yes. (no link, on humanitarian grounds)

And in (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

     

…as once again, we play the “Guess The Race” game amongst the participants.


…as the sage said:  “No matter how beautiful she is, there’s always at least one guy who’s sick of all her bullshit.”  In Ulrika’s case, that would be at least four guys (ex-husbands/childspawners).

Anyway, here are some pics if, like me, you had no idea who this Emily chick is:

Just tragic.  Guy probably probably cheated on her with a chick who knows how to cook pasta.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Funny Stuff, Old Fartism

Sent to me by Longtime Buddy Mervyn:

AAADD – Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it manifests . I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the front verandah table that I brought up from the mail box earlier, just after the mailman had made the delivery.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I put my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage bin beside the table, and noticed that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

How to replace a jean button – that looks like a jean button. But, then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway (and the mailman picks up the mail at noon) I may as well pay the bills first. So, I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My spare check book is in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I’d been drinking earlier this morning.

I know I was going to look for my check book, but first I need to push the Coke can aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over. The Coke is warm, so I decide to put it in the refrigerator to make it cold again. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the dining room table catches my eye — they need water.

I put the Coke on the dining room table and discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to put more water in the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the table, go to the kitchen sink to get a jug and fill it with water and suddenly spot the TV remote on the window sill. Someone left it there.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I’ll be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the window sill, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers. I pour some water in the jug, but spill some on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the kitchen bench, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

– the car isn’t washed
– the checks aren’t written for the bills to be paid
– there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the dining room table
– the flowers don’t have enough water,
– there is still only 1 check in my check book,
– I can’t find the remote,
– I can’t find my glasses,
– the garbage hasn’t been taken out
– and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I’m really tired now. I realise this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it.

As I replied to Mervyn, that’s actually quite a productive day… for me.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

‘Nuff said.  So, crack a smile:

…and let’s get going:

Well, enough of that silly stuff.  Here’s today’s history lesson:

Pics Of The First-Ever Bikini (Paris, 1946)

 

 

Micheline Bernardini was the model.

Feel more educated?