Stuff that makes me laugh
Today is not quite as bad as the usual Monday, because it’s New Wife’s ___ birthday.
Wish her well in Comments, if you’d like.
In the meantime, let’s move on with our regular programming because for everyone else, it’s still Monday morning:
So here we go:
And speaking of which:
Serve him right for buying H&K.
And for some good news:
…and shopping:
No get out there and do your shopping. Here’s the countdown.
From the Knuckledragger’s Comments:
“Went to a wedding. Bride tossed the bouquet and women went nuts trying to get it. Groom fired off the garter, and the guys just moved out of the way, like the Red Sea parting.
“Several girlfriends were not amused. “
I saw the same thing once, when the band played a wedding. I later found out that most of the guys were divorced.
Your suggestions in Comments.
None of the news that’s fit to print.
…welcome to our world, Limey bastards.
…pretty much the same as you’d get if your taxes were super low, only you’d have more money in your pocket.
…so in other words: it’s just like influenza and the common cold, is it?
…I have an abiding wish that we were actually as bad as they say we are. Wouldn’t we have fun? Instead, we’re law-abiding, vote and have jobs, which prevent us all from cutting their throats.
…so theft is okay, as long as only a few people are affected? Got it.
…it’s called the “grasping at straws” tactic.
…couldn’t happen to a nicer Socialist.
…he could pick the Tooth Fairy as his AG: still not gonna happen.
…could we import a few of these judges into the U.S.? They have a better idea of freedom than most of ours. And they speak Spanish, and everything.
…Mommy, why were all the boys following me around the playground?
…it’s a strange way to say, “I haven’t had a man inside me for six months and I’m starting to ache”, but whatever.
…somebody remind me of all those arguments against the death penalty.
And just to show that it’s not all bad news:
No need to thank me, it’s all part of the service etc. etc.
Every so often, something is said or written that deserves to be memorialized in stone. Since the start of the new millennium, I’ve identified two — one from each decade — that I think are the best.
2001 – 2010: “Democracy — Whisky — Sexy” (Iraq)
There is no better encapsulation of the benefits of Western society.
2011 – 2020: “Don’t Trust China — China Is Asshole” (Hong Kong)
Six words that can (and should) direct U.S. foreign and domestic policy, forever.
That both were written on signs displayed by foreigners means that we need to up our game.
From the 17th century, an anonymous writer talks about coffee:
“Coffee Collects and settles the Spirits, makes the erection more Vigorous, the Ejaculation more full, adds a spiritualescency to the Sperme, and renders it more firm and suitable to the Gusto of the womb, and proportionate to the ardours and expectations too, of the female Paramour.”
I’m too old, too impotent and too infertile to worry about all that stuff. All I know is that before my morning cuppa of Dunkin’ Donuts Regular, my attitude towards the world can be summed up thus:
Granted, the addition of coffee to my system doesn’t change my mood that much
…but I do go from murderous to simply dangerous. so there’s that.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the Keurig.