Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Funny Stuff, Old Fartism

Sent to me by Longtime Buddy Mervyn:

AAADD – Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it manifests . I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the front verandah table that I brought up from the mail box earlier, just after the mailman had made the delivery.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I put my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage bin beside the table, and noticed that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

How to replace a jean button – that looks like a jean button. But, then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway (and the mailman picks up the mail at noon) I may as well pay the bills first. So, I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My spare check book is in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I’d been drinking earlier this morning.

I know I was going to look for my check book, but first I need to push the Coke can aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over. The Coke is warm, so I decide to put it in the refrigerator to make it cold again. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the dining room table catches my eye — they need water.

I put the Coke on the dining room table and discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to put more water in the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the table, go to the kitchen sink to get a jug and fill it with water and suddenly spot the TV remote on the window sill. Someone left it there.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I’ll be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the window sill, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers. I pour some water in the jug, but spill some on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the kitchen bench, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

– the car isn’t washed
– the checks aren’t written for the bills to be paid
– there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the dining room table
– the flowers don’t have enough water,
– there is still only 1 check in my check book,
– I can’t find the remote,
– I can’t find my glasses,
– the garbage hasn’t been taken out
– and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I’m really tired now. I realise this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it.

As I replied to Mervyn, that’s actually quite a productive day… for me.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

‘Nuff said.  So, crack a smile:

…and let’s get going:

Well, enough of that silly stuff.  Here’s today’s history lesson:

Pics Of The First-Ever Bikini (Paris, 1946)

 

 

Micheline Bernardini was the model.

Feel more educated?

News Roundup

Bad News

Brought to you by:

And if that doesn’t just describe the denizens of this roundup’s news perfectly…

Welcome to a new department:  Royal Assholes:

 

And on with the real news:


...yeah, let us know how that works out.


…[snicker] Sarah’s being snarky, Sarah is.


…key word:  Iran.  Y’all thought it was Chicago, din’tcha?


…every person involved in this horrorshow should be subject to a daily scourging until all the jobs come back to the U.S.


…somehow, I don’t think that Guns!Guns!Guns! sells a decent pastrami sandwich, but then again I’ve never been to Uvalde.


…not that anyone watches ChickSoc anyway.


…and she should know, by golly.


…but catches herself just in time.

And in INSIGNIFICA:

   


…I report, you decide.

Finally:


…I don’t know who the alleged “TV star” is, but she must have brought quite a lot to the party, because here’s his missus:

And some solo shots:

Nobody named Hunter Biden was harmed in the compilation of this news, unfortunately.

Open Upset

Sports

Last Sunday, weasel-faced Oz golfer Cameron “Cam” Smith won the coveted award for “Worst Hairstyle Ever To Win A Major Golf Tournament” by a country mile:

His nearest competitor for the title, Miguel Angel Jimenez…

…did not make the cut.

Perennial challenger for the Worst Hairstyle award, Phil “Greedy” Mickelson…

…was not allowed to play because reasons.

News Roundup

Bad News

Brought to you by:

And the news is likewise:


…I’d prefer that an alligator was eating the President alive, myself.


…actually, they’re forcing us to vote you Green assholes out of office… but we’ll let you find that out for yourself.


…and she’s well rid of him.


…winner of the “Nothing Says ‘OKLAHOMA!’ More Than This” competition.


..expecting “class” from a Kardashian is like expecting a PhD from an aardvark.


…I’m just amazed they still have any cattle left.


…note “instructor” not “professor — and her bio is exactly what you’d expect it to be.  At Harvard.


…and the pendulum swings, oh yes it does.  By the way, a couple of their policy proposals would be sure vote-getters in Europe as whole, not just in Italy.


…hence the term “guided muscle”.


…no, don’t be like the Democrats.  Fix the economy first, stupid, then address taxes.  Witch-hunts much later.

And in INSIGNIFICA:

        …probably needed a month’s worth of antibiotics to recover.

Finally, from EU-land:


…but before clicking on the link, you may want to take a look at this Eva Vlaardingerbroek creature:

And by the way, I think that “Vlaardingerbroek” means “Flan-ingredient-pants” in English, but I’ll let Reader Jwenting correct me. (And indeed he has:  “Vlaardingerbroek refers to a polder near the town of Vlaardingen.  A “broek” is directly what in English is called a “brook” or creek.”)

Many thanks.