That’s not completely true: the base hasn’t been cut up and used for firewood.
Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
News Roundup
Here’s a spoonworthy target, in Lawn Awduh:
...the dirty rozzers. How dare they act like typical randy young men?
Problem is, a spoon-smack on the tip of the willie may well be a good idea to errr subdue the rampant male. But what if the aggressor is a womyn?
From the Dept. of Education:
...I’m not sure that teaching the boy to scream “Oh god oh god oh god!” is acceptable religious instruction, but then I ‘m just an old atheist.
...LOL wait till they get to read Titus Andronicus. “Mass suicide” would be my prediction.
...and yet they’re going to vote him back into office at the next election. And speaking of the uneducated:
...also that wolves can’t hunt whales, White Men can’t jump, and Africans can’t govern.
From the Dept. of Global Warming Climate Cooling Change©:
...next thing, they’ll be telling us that electric cars are a waste of time. Believe The Science.
...key word: Germany.
...I think you’re a little late with the warning there, Mikey.
From the Dept. of Womyns’ Sport:
...and if the U.S. coach had any balls [sic], these ungrateful hussies would have been pulled off the team and sent straight back to… Cuba. And speaking of Cuba:
...perhaps if the MassGuv were to lead the way and house a few dozen illegals in the Governor’s mansion…?
In Showbiz News:
…
...perhaps if they’d stuck with just one, they might have got away with it.
And in INSIGNIFICA:
Finally, if we are to Believe The Science!, then:
Science’s loss is our gain, I suppose.
Proper Ranking
From my friends at the Texas State Rifle Association:
Let’s just look at that for a moment:
- Grand Prize: an old rifle, last used in the 19th century, firing a black powder cartridge that’s mostly unavailable except to hobbyists and reloaders
- Consolation Prize: the Mattel AR-15 Plastic Fantastic
LOL.
Hey, I didn’t set the competition up, they did.
En passant: I fired the 71/84 once, and like a most black powder shooting, it was a lot of fun, but very messy. [insert sex joke here]
Monday Funnies
Yeah, it’s Monday morning, and after a heavy Sunday night’s boozing, you just woke up next to Lizzo.
‘Nuff said. So:
Yeah, yeah… yuk it up, assholes, as you count the eight .45 entry holes in your mid-section.
The Finnish government are as big a bunch of fucking killjoys as our own. Who knew?
Anyway, to end this post on a positive note:
Yeah, yeah, I know: “Never mind the chick, check out all those ammo boxes.”
And to see us out of the cornfield and into the week:
News Roundup
And speaking of the above, Out Of Africa:
...any Seffrican company that invites guests and does not provide armed security should be sued into oblivion.
From our Furrin News Desk:
...the other 25% being foreigners.
...to be followed by a burning of the Koran outside the Saudi embassy. No?
...and if that doesn’t work, they’ll just beg harder.
...wait till you see which one. Jeremy Clarkson isn’t allowed to build a car park on his own farm, but in London...
In the Political News Dept.:
...headline may have been edited a little, for reasons of clarity.
...nothing, even if she were elected, which she won’t be. No odds are being offered.
And in the tiny Good News For A Change Dept.:
...predicted number of Texas school shootings in the future: somewhat less than in the past.
Celebrity News:
…
In the Dept. Of Medicine:
...try as I may, I can find absolutely nothing wrong with this.
Then, in (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:
...isn’t that just...inflation?
...I know we’ve seen this totty before, but some things deserve more exposure, yes?
Not the worst way to end the news…
Caption Competition #289
Your suggestions in Comments.