Stuff that makes me laugh
For some reason, that pic made me think of the Gummint. Hence the following:
From the despairing New Wife:
And after all that:
Now hand me that can-opener and get on with your day.
Update: From ever-alert Reader and former Army CPT David B. comes this note:
“Just a heads-up. On the lovely ladies in body armor, you indicated you wanted a can opener. My belief is that those are military uniforms, so a P-38 can opener would be the prescribed tool.”
And in this, the (extended) 300th(!) News Roundup, a segue:
From our Dear Leader:
...has anyone told him that the Covidiocy is over?
...probably for the best — he’d only fuck things up irretrievably by referring to Belgium as “Germany”.
And in other LGBTOSTFU News:
...doesn’t matter because nobody watches women’s tennis. Might as well let giraffes play, as well.
In the Dept. of (In)Justice files:
...so can we expect Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden to be indicted soon, for precisely the same offense as Trump is supposed to have committed?
...yeah, but she’s a Democrat. Forgive me for sounding cynical.
In ShowBiz! News:
...never mind, Disney will cast Amy Schuler as Jack Sparrow in the next episode, and all will be well. Also:
...”accidentally”.
...he’s been a total tool for over forty years; why should he change now? And speaking of tools:
...please adjust your target coordinates accordingly, because he’s worse than Daddy.
...just another feather in the cap of the Biden administration’s foreign policy (see: Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, etc.).
From the Dept. of Global Cooling Climate Warming Change:
...EVERYBODY PANIC!!!! Or not.
From the Dept. of Child Molestation Education:
...looking at the next Teacher Of The Year, here.
...that’s nice of you, but it’s not going to forestall the hangings. And speaking of people to be hanged:
...mind the step, Fatboi.
And in your favorite INSIGNIFICA:
...and if anyone actually understands what any of that means, you need to get a life. Also: “Snoochie” sounds like a euphemism for a lady’s love tunnel.
And finally:
...”incredible” being the mot juste. Honestly, if Salma isn’t the sexiest woman alive, then she’s #1(a). Or the rating criteria are totally screwed up.
It’s a fine way to end the 300th Roundup, anyway.
Your suggestions in Comments.
I note this development with something approaching gloom:
Amber Heard has finally paid Johnny Depp the $1million settlement she owed him after their bitter legal battle – as the Pirates of the Caribbean star vows to split it five ways among his favorite charities.
Depp and his ex-wife eventually settled their defamation claims against each other in December after five years of furious legal battles.
I know, ’tis a noble thing to do, giving away that demented tart’s money to worthy causes etc. etc. And I know that Depp has enough money so that he can afford to give a million spondulicks away.
But I also wish he’d spent just a little of that money on something completely frivolous — say, a flashy Ferrari with a custom plate reading “BYTE MEBTCH” — because there’s nothing like creating a constant reminder to all the other gold-digging whores (thank you, Bill Burr) who want to enrich themselves at their wealthy paramours’ expense.
Actually, it would be a public service.
That’s
…havoc, you fucking illiterate asswipes.
And in Very Important News For Womyns:
...feministas cheer at clear proof that they really don’t need men in their lives. Also, Epsteiner Bill Clinton claims to have an alibi.
...I would have thought that a trip to any Disney theme park would ipso facto ruin a holiday, but maybe that’s just me.
...I liked this Cuban hottie the minute I first read about her.
...I never frequent Taco Bell so I’m immune to this horror, but some people may be interested.
From the Dept. of Global Cooling Climate Warming Change:
...with approximately 53.9999 billion tonnes coming solely from the Third World (e.g. India and China), so send someone to scold them. Oh look, here’s a candidate:
...especially you, Fuckface.
From the Desirable Consequences files:
...I’ve never thought we should emulate anything that Haiti does, but maybe I was too hasty.
In LGBTOSTFU News:
...this is known as “Pedal To The Metal” marketing.
...see above.
From the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:
...I can just see the Somalis lining up for those Gender Studies classes.
...never a random Haitian around when you need one.
And a refreshing dose of link-free INSIGNIFICA:
...you had me at “pussy bows”.
And on that topic:
...any time, any place, RollerGirl.
And that’s all the news that’s fit to drool over.