Men are more likely to fracture their penis at Christmas, doctors say. German medics discovered rates of the eye-watering injury spike over the festive period.
Here’s the background:
Although the penis is not a bone, it can fracture when the appendage is subject to sharp, blunt force. Afterwards, the penis usually resembles an ‘aubergine’, turning purple and swollen.
Ah, so that’s what this emoji means…
…and this one means it’s crying, therefore broken?
Okay, never mind all that. Here are the Three Major Reasons why you might break your dick over the Christmas period:
- at the office Christmas party, you get too keen trying to shag that chick from Accounting in the upright position (you know,the one with humongous tatas), and slam into the wall by mistake
- it’s the only time of year when the old lady relents and gives you a pity fuck, and you can’t remember how it works after so long a layoff [sic]
- when you get your annual hand job (see above), instead of acting like a lady, she goes all Boston Strangler on your manhood.
Feel free to add your own ideas, in Comments.
