“Dear Dr. Kim:
“I met this really cute girl and we started dating. She’d told me on our first date that she was a vegan, but I forgot all about that because she was so fine.
“Anyway, all was well until one night I complained to her about her cooking — there was something definitely ‘off’ about her spaghetti meat sauce, it tasted slightly rotten.
“I was absolutely knocked off my feet when she confessed that it wasn’t meat at all — she’d used a vegetarian substitute.
“To make things worse, she also confessed that from the day she’d first starting cooking our meals, she’d always used vegan substitutes. (I had noticed that I’d constantly been feeling tired of late, but I put it down to the sex we’d been having.)
“I told her that I didn’t want to see her again until she apologized for being so deceptive, but all my friends say I’m being childish.
“Am I?” — Betrayed, Brisbane
You’re not being childish, but you are being stupid. Your first mistake was not running for the exit when she told you she was a vegan. There is no greater indicator of female insanity than veganism, except maybe being a global warming hysteric, but I should point out that the two conditions have a large overlap on the Venn diagram.
Your second mistake is that you’re prepared to see her again as long as she apologizes for her deceit. Are you fucking crazy? Don’t you realize that this tart will never stop trying to change you into joining her stupid religion? (And by the way, if she’ll deceive you over a simple thing like food, she’ll be equally deceptive over everything else — connect the dots.)
Toss her overboard.
Now for the future, I should pass on some excellent advice from my good friend Patterson, who always buys a woman a rare steak as a vegetarian/vegan filter on their first date. Go, and do thou the same.