“Dear Dr. Kim”

“Dear Dr. Kim:
“I met this really cute girl and we started dating.  She’d told me on our first date that she was a vegan, but I forgot all about that because she was so fine.
“Anyway, all was well until one night I complained to her about her cooking — there was something definitely ‘off’ about her spaghetti meat sauce, it tasted slightly rotten.
“I was absolutely knocked off my feet when she confessed that it wasn’t meat at all —  she’d used a vegetarian substitute.
“To make things worse, she also confessed that from the day she’d first starting cooking our meals, she’d always used vegan substitutes.  (I had noticed that I’d constantly been feeling tired of late, but I put it down to the sex we’d been having.)
“I told her that I didn’t want to see her again until she apologized for being so deceptive, but all my friends say I’m being childish.
“Am I?” — Betrayed,  Brisbane

Dear Betrayed:
You’re not being childish, but you are being stupid.  Your first mistake was not running for the exit when she told you she was a vegan.  There is no greater indicator of female insanity than veganism, except maybe being a global warming hysteric, but I should point out that the two conditions have a large overlap on the Venn diagram.
Your second mistake is that you’re prepared to see her again as long as she apologizes for her deceit.  Are you fucking crazy?  Don’t you realize that this tart will never stop trying to change you into joining her stupid religion?  (And by the way, if she’ll deceive you over a simple thing like food, she’ll be equally deceptive over everything else — connect the dots.)
Toss her overboard.
Now for the future, I should pass on some excellent advice from my good friend Patterson, who always buys a woman a rare steak as a vegetarian/vegan filter on their first date.  Go, and do thou the same.



  1. How do you know someone’s a vegan? Don’t worry they’ll fucking tell you. Should have been a gtfo moment when you first heard it. If the Jehovah Witnesses were as bad as the vegans you’d shotgun them right off your doorstep.

  2. Dear Betrayed,

    She told you she was a vegan; why did you expect her to cook non-vegan food? But you need to steer well clear: humans aren’t supposed to be vegan. We need certain chemicals that mainly come from meat.

    Learn your lesson.

  3. I’m surprised you are able to have sex with all the soy you have been putting into your body. That meat substitute crap is like a chemical castration for men.

  4. That’s great advice as usual Dr Kim! Patterson has a great application process for becoming his squeeze. Shoot, I just might don a wig to get a steak dinner but regardless of the sweet talk and dancing, there’s no way I would let him get fresh with me. lol

    Yeah, had a dust up about veganism online on FuckerBerg Book. Anonymous stranger son the internet, who cares what those imbeciles think. They’re certainly an intolerant lot.

    At least the advisee got some good sex for a while but he should definitely kick that deceitful bitch to the curb and not look back. Some flaws can be overlooked but deceit is a character flaw and those absolutely should not be overlooked.


    PS great, now I’m craving some steak but have you seen the price of beef lately? This could start hurting my budget for ammo that is already overpriced. Thank God I laid in a good stock of whiskey over the years.

  5. “Are you fucking crazy?”

    Yes (verb) and yes (adjective). He really needs to run like hell.

  6. Everyone knows the crazy scale goes
    Waffle House waitresses
    You brought that crap on your self when you started dating someone who openly tells you she doesn’t put meat in her mouth.

  7. From The Englishman:
    “First date menu choice? Buy them oysters, if they swallow half a dozen of those puppies they will swallow anything.”

  8. Was there any deception here except his self-deception? If someone tells me she is vegan, I don’t expect her to cook meat, and especially not for a meal she will also eat. Expecting otherwise would be like offering an observant Jew a bacon cheeseburger.

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